


A Duel Existence

by DecendentofGallifrey



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-03-13 08:37:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 48,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3374924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DecendentofGallifrey/pseuds/DecendentofGallifrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A girl orphaned by the Attack on Manhattan offers herself up as bait in the fight against the angry Trickster God and gets a few . . . . unexpected . . . . surprises out of the deal.  I do not own the Avengers or its characters. (It'd be nice though)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

The water surrounded me. Or at least it felt like water, like I was floating in a vast black pool. I'm not exactly sure how I got into this certain situation, but I do know that if I don't break surface soon I'll die. That's a strange thought to actually have. I might die. Huh, who knew the thought would feel so matter of fact.

I dimly felt someone touch my face. Someone was gasping. I wanted to ask what was wrong, but my body wasn't responding to me. Huh, was I already dead? I sorta felt like I could float away any second. There wasn't much pain just that slight floaty feeling.

"What the hell?" Someone's voice was very loud and near me. "We shouldn't have used her!" I swear I had heard this voice before. Something touched my throat. "No vital signs." This voice was rough, mean.

 _But I'm here._  I tried to speak but nothing really came out of my lips. Did I have enough air to say it...did I have any air?

"Move!" This voice was commanding. Something slammed against my chest.  _Stop._  I said, but once again there was no voice. I could hardly feel what was happening to my body, there was no pain. Just this sense that I should leave now. I could float away from this place and into something better. I could choose. I felt air being pushed into my unresponsive lungs. The pounding on my chest again.

"Steve, she's dead. Let her go." A smoother voice said.

"Why the hell did you use a young girl as bait?!" The mean voice yelled.

The pounding continued.

"Steve." This voice was soft, calming. "She's gone...it's not your fault."

"No!" Something pounded even harder, and I felt a jolt. The floaty feeling began to dissapear, and in it's place I could feel more and more of my body.  _Stop it!_  I wanted to scream.  _Let me leave now, I'm ready to float away!_  But the pounding was pulling me back, jolt by jolt, into my damaged body. I could feel it now, the want of my heart to beat.

"Steve!" This voice was very formal. The pounding stopped, but my heart still strained to beat. I could ignore it, and float away or I could claw myself back to the surface. Time to choose.

"What have we done?" The commanding voice sounded broken.

"She said she didn't have any family." The smooth voice said. "She said he killed the last of them. She knew what she was getting herself into. At least we don't have to notify next of kin." The joke fell flat, and the voice that said it sounded more sad than anything else.

"She trusted us to save her!" The commanding voice shouted.

Who were these voices? Should I stay to find out? My time was almost up. Time. To. Choose. I wanted to see the faces that went with the voices.  _I choose to live._  And just like that I began fighting the warm darkness that covered me. I had to get back to them. My chest was sore, but my stomach hurt so badly. It burned, it felt like I had been struck by lightning. I couldn't hear anymore, just could fight against the darkness that threatened to crush me. It was no longer comforting.  _No._

I gasped suddenly, feeling the wonderful rush that air provided. Something touched me agian and I batted the hand away. I opened my eyes to see seven pairs of eyes staring at me in shock. I tried to sit up but whimpered when the pain truly hit me. It was horrible, I should have stayed in the darkness. One of the people who was dressed in red, white, and blue bent down. I automatically shied away, causing myself to gasp in pain once more.

"Please don't touch me." My voice was breathy. The darkness was coming back, it was threatening to drag me under. “What happened?"

"My brother shot you." The formal voice belonged to a very pretty muscled man with long blonde hair. Kinda like my hair.

"Fury, we need a ambulance!" The red, white, and blue one called. A black man with an eyepatch looked towards the red white and blue man.

"Already on route." Was his clipped reply.

"Hey!" A gentle looking man with curly hair said to me. "You can't sleep right now."

"I was dead." I said softly. "I'm still close." I added. It hurt to talk.

"Don't worry, Kid." That was a man with an odd type of goatee. "We got you."

"Way to joke about a dead girl's dead parents, Jerk." I gasped out. I reached out to grasp my side where a horrible burning pain was, and a few hands shot out to stop me, I hit marred flesh and the slickness of blood. My world blurred and began to turn black. Parts of me were missing on my side.

"Stay with us!" That was an order. My eyes shot open to look at the red white and blue clad man.

"I can't really remember anything." I said my voice so weak it was pathetic. "I can't remember your names."

"That's the shock." The curly brown haired one said. "My name is Bruce Banner."

"Steve Rogers." The commanding one said. His eyes were beyond us, I could hear other people in the background now. We weren't alone.

"Tony Stark." The goatee man said.

"Agent Hawkeye." A man clad in all black said. I looked at him confused. He sighed. "Clint Barton."

"Natasha Romanoff." A red-haired beauty said. I smiled at her.

"Thor Odinson." The pretty blonde man boomed.

"Nick Fury." Was the rough one's response. "Don't call me Nick."

"To be fair I should be able to call you what I want." I said, but my voice was hardly there. "After all I am dying for you all."

"Don't talk like that." Steve's eyes were on me now. I could feel something now, deep down in the marrow of my bones. Something new and painful that was zinging it's way through my system. I had never felt this before.

"Something's wrong." I gasped out. I saw Steve's eyes go to someone, and I followed his gaze and saw pure green eyes looking back at me. "You." I couldn't even hear my voice, but the man with the giant muzzle and green eyes quirked one black brow at me. "You know what's going on with me." I could almost feel the smirk he gave me behind his mask.

Something alien was blossoming in my chest, and it was beginning to grow and encompase my entire body. I tried not to scream.

"What's going on with her?" Steve suddenly spat at the green eyed man. I must have actually screamed. The man gave a look as if to say  _I can't really talk at the moment_. I actually heard that in my head.

"Well it's obvious you can't talk." I told the black haired one. Another quirked brow.

 _You can hear me can you?_  I simply nodded.  _You are going to die filthy little Midgardian._  He added a hard look entering his eyes.

"At least I can die with pride." I whispered.

"Stop saying that you'll be fine!" Steve insisted crouching next to me.

 _Your vital signs are fading as we speak._  I forced my gaze to Steve, and gave him a weak smile. "You're right, I'm feeling better already."  _Liar._  Steve smiled and looked around.

"Will you be okay on your own for a second?" He asked.

 "Yes." I said trying to rid my head of the mental messages the green eyed man was sending.  _My name is Loki, not green eyed man._

"Why can I hear you?" I asked my breath hardly stirring the air.

_Because to kill you I sent a blast of magic, which is now attaching itself to your essence. You will die soon, no mortal can withstand obtaining magic._

"And how would you know?" I asked.

 _Because, I have tested my theory multiple times._  He paused as if to let that sink in.  _Your life is over little Midgardian. I hope you lived it well._ The last part was almost said in laughter.

Multiple times is what he said. I gasped as what I now knew as magic slammed through my right arm. I now had no control over it. I tried not to cry as the magic assaulted my left arm. This was, at one time, all that I ever wanted. To gain magic. That and fly on the TARDIS, but that wasn't going to happen now.

_You shouldn't fight the pain. I'd rather hear your last screams._

"Get out of my head."

 _You're the one picking up my thoughts. I am merely sending them out._  The others were gone now, it was just me laying alone with a snarky male voice in my head.

"Let me die in peace at least." My pleas were losing their strength.

_You could have let me rule this planet in peace, but instead you chose to become the bait to my ultimate demise. I will watch you suffer your last pathetic moments._

"Pathetic?" A scream cut off what I was saying. It was my scream. The magic was moving fast now, slowly binding itself to me and in the process killing me. I was going to die.

"And to think," I panted, "that if I'm so pathetic...what must that make you?" I moaned in pain, and in the distance I heard sirens. They couldn't help me. "To be brought down by a pathetic Midgardian. Not even an Avenger. Just..." I couldn't go on, the world was blurring through my pain. Thought spiraled away from me and broke apart at the seams. It seemed that I was stuck like that for some time, then strange enough, some force pulled my thoughts back together agian.

 _Just what exactly?_  Loki's voice echoed in my head.

I did not speak, I did not move. I could feel the pain heading to my heart. My head burst into radiating pain. I wanted to scream, but my body had abandoned me. I was being pushed into the water again.

_You're almost dead, little Midgardian. Any last words?_

What would I want my last words to be? I hadn't even thought of that. Of all the years that I'd lived what would I want to say when my life was taken. What would I want the world to remember me by? I was wasting time I didn't have.

You were fantastic, and you know what? So was I.

I don't want to go.

Goodbye, Sweetie.

Oh what a little Whovian I really was. I forced my lips to move, with a feat of strength and will that I had never before been able to achieve.

"What seems like the end, is only the beginning." There, a quote from my own character, Ava. The only difference between us was power and upbringing. Alike even in death. But hers was only temporary. The pain hit my heart, and I closed my eyes one last time. Who knew, maybe something greater awaited me on the other side of this unimaginable darkness. Maybe an adventure.

Allons-y.

 

Something shocked me.

Agian with the shocking.

 

Really? Why won't people just leave me alone?

 

That one actually kind of hurt.

_I should hope so._

 

Was that who I thought it was?

_Sadly yes. Don't get used to this. I am only saving you because Thor is brandishing his hammer and yelling. And Banner is threatening to unleash the Hulk if I do not._

 

Another shock. Stop it.

_And have my head smashed? I'd rather not._

 

All about you is it?

_I do what I want._

 

This time a shock so big I was slammed into my body. I sat up gasping for air, eyes wide. Loki was kneeling next to me, his slender and cold hands resting on my neck and stomach. His muzzle was still on. I could still feel the smirk that came to his face.

"For the love of all that is holy leave me alone!" I screamed. His hands dropped. "Who do you think you are?"

_I am Loki, of Asgar-_

"I don't care  **who**  the hell you are. You had no right! First you kill me, then you listen to me suffer, and  **then**  to top it all off you  **bring me back.** " And then without real thought I reared back and slapped him as hard as I possibly could. His head snapped to the side.

" **My brother has saved you!"**  Thor boomed pulling me into a hug. I expected pain...but strange enough there wasn't any.

"Why are you hugging me? And why exactly did he save me?" Thor released me after a moment. He held out a hand and I stood, frowning. Why wasn't my side hurting?

"Well Banner here threatened to smash him once more if he did not. And Thor threatened to hit him with his Hammer." Stark answered smiling in welcome at me. It was a strangely warm smile.

" **Mojlnir.** " Thor clarified showing me the legendary hammer.

 _You will die soon._  Was Loki's input. I could already feel the ache.

"I'm still going to die. Loki said when he hit me and I didn't immediately die...the magic tried to attach to me." I said unsure.

"Attach?" Stark asked confused.

"It's trying to integrate into my system but my system will crash if it does. It’s already crashing."

"How do you know this?" Was Barton's question.

"Loki told me."

"How?" Natasha asked crouching beside me. "He has the muzzle on."

"Well that's how I sort of found out its true. I can talk to him, if he wants I can hear his thoughts."

"How do you know it wasn’t a delusion?" Steve asked with a frown.

"Oh for God's-Loki." I said turning to him. "When I turn around please hold up a number so I can prove this."

_Why should I?_

"Because if you don't then I swear to whatever religious figure you hold dear I will choke the life out of you myself."

_I don't take kindly to threats._

"And I don't take kindly to dying. Looks like we both have to deal."

There was a flare of pain, and I hunched over the smallest bit.

_I could enjoy this. Watching you die again. Then bringing you back once more just to see it happen again._

"Or you could just let me die. I could just make them take you away from me."

_I would break free._

"It doesn’t seem like you've broken free yet. I think I'll take my chances. And why go through all this trouble for one petty little Midgardian?"

"Where did you hear that term?" That was Fury.

"It’s what Loki called me when I was dying." I said with a shrug, which quickly turned to me falling as a flash of pain surged through me. Cold hands were suddenly keeping me on my feet. As soon as I gained my footing Loki backed away glaring at me.

"I never would have guessed it was you being nice, so reflexes sound about right." I growled at him.

"He's a villain he has no good in him." Was Banner's reply.

"Every villain is a hero in his own mind." I automatically retorted. More pain.

 _Defending me?_  He asked, his voice was oddly controlled.

"Reflex." I hissed at him.

"Perhaps my father can help." Thor said for once not uber loud.

" **I can bring her with me to Asgard to save her life. If you so shall allow**." This Thor said to Fury. He watched me for a moment.

"She is under earth's protection." Fury said.

" **She is under my protection as well."**  Thor said looking at me.

"Then do this to save her." Fury said.

I gasped trying hard to keep my footing under the pain.

"What about my opinion?" I asked. Loki then seemed to realize I didn't want to come, and his eyes suddenly grew bright. He pointed at his mask, and looked calmly at his brother.

Thor took it off slightly so that he could speak.

"Asgardian magic is now rewriting her entire body. She is becoming half Midgaridan and Half Asgardian. She is now one of our people as well. She has to come with us, we cannot leave our dead behind." Loki grinned like he just won at chess. His voice was actually quite nice. He didn't sound quite the same in my head. I turned away from him and looked at Fury, pleading. There was a snap as Thor replaced the muzzle.

"I'm not dead." I objected. "Wait...what do you mean half Asgardian?"

_My magic is changing you. You are becoming like us already. You will not survive the transformation, but you will be half of what I am._

"I'm becoming...half alien?" Was my horrified reply.

 _Technically yes._  Loki's eyes were alight with glee.

"I feel like the Doctor Donna." I said after a moment. Everyone looked at me confused. "Doctor Who reference...you wouldn't understand."

_Does she die too?_

"Will you stop?" I snapped at Loki. Then I felt myself sway as pain once again gripped my features. So it wasn't just attaching to me...it was changing my very chemical makeup. No wonder it hurt so much.

" **We must leave soon if she is to survive."**  Thor said reaching out and steadying me.


	2. Chapter Two

" **We must leave soon if she is to survive."**  Thor said reaching out and steadying me. I leaned heavily against him. My strength was fading fast.

Fury watched us for a moment, then he gave permission with a slight tilt of his head.

"You better be right, Thor." Was all he said. He waved a hand at some agents who were holding a strange looking device. Thor grabbed one end and Loki grabbed the other end his eyes locked on me. Thor reached out and lightly guided my hand to the strange looking handle.

Time seemed to be moving slowly now as I tightened my fingers on the handle. I could feel a strange power buzzing against my hand. Thor turned the handle sharply, and I watched in fascination as the handle rotated and clicked into place. There was a short burst of power.

I was flying. Well...no flying isn't quite the right word. No it was more that we were falling. It was impossible. I felt like reaching out to touch the walls of dancing light but the pain assaulted me once more. Even a sight such as this was no match for it. I screamed, and hunched in on myself. I realized a moment too late that in my distress I had let go of the handle.

I went to scream for help, but the sound was snatched away. Then suddenly the ground rushed up to meet me. I tried to keep my footing, but instead found myself sprawled on the floor. Pain slammed through me again.

"Father." Thor's voice was the first thing I was aware of again. When the pain took me I lost all sense of self. I blinked and found that I was cradled in Thor's arms. Thor knelt, somehow keeping me in his arms as he did so. "I request that you save this girl."

I pulled my gaze away from Thor's arms and glanced around myself in awe. Never before had I seen such a sight. Everything was tinted with gold. The floor was darker gold with a pattern of intricate knots that I could spend weeks trying to follow.

"Who is this girl, my son?" A deep and wise voice responded. I felt my gaze being pulled upwards. I twisted in Thor's arms to be able to see and met the eyes of an older man. This man, though he had one eye, drew me out and sized me up with one long glance. I felt exposed and almost looked away...almost.

"This is the maiden who was used to capture my brother, but she was hurt during the process. She is dying, Father. No one but you could possess the power to save her." Thor said softly.

"I believe we should let the girl speak for herself." This time a female voice spoke up. I glanced to Odin's right to see a woman in a long beautiful golden gown watching me.

"Very well." Thor's father said. "Let her speak."

Thor gently set me on my feet, and stepped away from me. I tried my best not to sway. Whatever strength I had felt when Loki healed me was gone now. I slowly let myself sink until I was kneeling in front of the two golden figures.

"I do not know what to say." I said gazing at the floor. "Or how to address you." With that I glanced up. "I do not know where I am, or who you are."

"What  _do_  you know?" The woman in the gown asked politely.

"I-" I paused unsure of how to proceed. "I do not want to die, Ma'am."

The woman gave me a searching look. I dropped my gaze back to the floor, and felt my body follow as a wash of pain flowed over me. Once again I lost my senses. I felt the pain recede, but it did not totally leave me this time. I ached so badly that it reminded me of when I had gotten the flu. I wondered if next time I would throw up. I tend to throw up if I get badly hurt.

The floor was cold. No one had helped me. I slowly pushed myself up until I wobbled back into the kneeling position. My head spun as I did so, and the spinning didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. I looked up to the golden figures once more.

"Why did you sacrifice yourself if you did not want to die?" Thor's father asked me.

There were so many ways I could answer this one. I could say that I wanted the killings to stop, that I wanted to help capture Loki to ensure a safer world, or that it was simply the right thing to do. I met his eye. "Revenge, Sir." The truth felt so corrupted compared to the others.

_Revenge?_

"What do you mean, Child?" The woman asked.

"My Father and I were visiting New York at the time. I'm not from there. But, when the alien things attacked...they shot him. Captain America saved me before they could get me too. My father was my only family, Ma'am. I got...angry." I gasped as another wave of pain hit. I forced myself to stay in my position until it passed.

"I was so angry." My voice was shaking, I could still feel it. It was still there...the rage that had consumed me when the paramedics told me that my father was gone. I remember seeing Captain America speaking to  _the_ Tony Stark. They didn't have a plan of how to draw Loki's attention long enough to capture him. I remember the resolve in my voice when I said that I would do it. "That I volunteered to help the Avengers capture him. I did not think of..." I took a deep breath trying to control my voice. "I did not think of what would happen to me."

"So now you want us to-"

I lost myself. I don't know how long this one lasted. I could feel the coolness of the floor, and a horrible taste in my mouth. Oh great...I threw up. More pain. I could feel tears flowing, hot against the sudden cool of my skin. A sob ripped out of me, and another wave hit.

The next time I found my voice I called out for my father. I wanted him to save me. He didn't. Suddenly I felt hands touching either side of my face. Warm hands. I was in agony. The hands did nothing. It took me a moment to realize someone was saying something. I couldn't understand. The pain was worse this time. A new pair of hands touched my face, these held a strange strength. It was not the normal strength you would expect...something...subtler.

_You must say "I agree"._

The voice was strangely clear among the roaring in my ears. Another wave of pain. I was suddenly aware of someone on their knees beside me. Their body had been hunched over mine, the hands still on my face. As soon as I was aware of these hands they were gone and the body I sensed beside me was no longer there. Had I dreamed it?

No, I hadn't. They were against my skin once more.

 _Say "I agree"._  This didn't feel like someone trying to communicate with me. I felt myself take a breath.

"I agree." My body said without me. A new pair of hands replaced the strangely strong ones. These hands were ancient. My body knew it as soon as they made contact. A dazzling warmth slammed through my senses, pushing away the pain as if it were nothing. I was nothing compared to this awesome power. I felt myself falling into a sky of gold.

"Rest, Child." A voice told me. This was a voice for commanding. I did as I was told.


	3. Chapter Three

"How long do you think she'll be out?" A soft voice broke through the thick darkness that had covered my eyes. I opened my eyes, and stifled a groan at the pain the light caused me.

"Don't know." Another voice said. "It’s been a while." I blinked a few times and I realized that I was lying in a bed.

"I was told that she is royalty." The voice said sounding excited. "To think we get to serve royalty."

There was a little giggle followed by the sound of fabric being rustled. Almost the sound you get when you fan out a blanket.

"I heard that she is a favorite of Odin himself. Think of it, Bera." There was a slight pause. "Perhaps the Lady needs some fresh air. My mother always said that-"

"Again with your mother, Runa." The voice I knew now as Bera sighed. "Your mother never had the honor of serving a goddess. They are different than us, and thus require different handling. She will wake when she is ready, no sooner." There was the sound of a latch and I felt a breeze shiver its way through the room. There was the sound of feet, then a gentle click. I gasped as I sat up, my body protesting my movement. But another gasp escaped me when I saw the room itself.

Sheer curtains surrounded the bed and gently moved in the breeze. The rest of the room lay in a haze beyond them. I felt a fear of the unfamiliar surroundings, but after a few minutes my curiosity got the better of me. I pushed the rather large covers away from my body and pushed aside the curtains. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and glanced down.

The floor looked like the polished marble of Thor's father's throne room. And the temperature was around the same. For a moment I wondered if they had simply placed a bed in the throne room. I stood, and felt something brush lightly across my shins. They had put me in a dress. It was a thin white dress that felt like cotton. Nightgown, my mind supplied me. But it was a nightgown that was strapless...strange enough. It looked like an old time nightgown.

The room was cream and gold, and rather large. There were two large glass doors which stood open to show a small balcony. I took a few tentative steps towards it and my body ached.

How did I get here? The last thing I remembered was being in pain...the strange voice...the golden power. I shook my head to get rid of the images that were bombarding me. There was the sound of a door opening, and I whipped around to see a smaller woman with black hair and brown eyes. She looked just as surprised.

"My lady!" The woman swept herself into a curtsy. "I am so happy to see that you are awake." She said her eyes cast to the ground.

"Hi there." I said frowning at her strange position. "You...you don't have to do that. Who are you, by the way?" I asked her.

She straightened out of her curtsy and gave me a small smile. "I am one of your two handmaidens. I am Runa." She added with a small smile.

"It's nice to meet you, Runa." I said smiling back at her. "My name is Lillith."

Runa smiled at me and motioned to a small armchair that had a large bundle of golden fabric gently laid across it. "Your clothes are there, my Lady, and Prince Thor has requested that you should be summoned to his side as soon as you woke."

I walked over to the dress, my body still complaining, and picked it up. It was all gold silk with a corset top that had lighter golden ribbons to tie it together. It was one of the most beautiful dresses that I had ever laid a finger on. I lightly rolled the material between my fingers.

"Runa," I said calling to the woman before she left, "I know this may seem like a weird question...but how exactly do I put this on?" Runa paused in the doorway.

"Would you like me to help you, my Lady?" Runa asked taking a step inside and shutting the door behind her. I bit my lip. I was  _supposed_  to be a Lady of the court, or at least that is what I picked up from Runa and Bera's banter. Yet a Lady would know how to put on a dress like this.

"I...uh..."

"Oh, my Lady, do not fret. I was told about this." Runa said taking the dress from my hands. I blinked in surprise. She began to arrange the dress in a neat little puddle on the floor. "Step here." She requested. I did as I was told and stepped into the dress. She quickly went to work moving it up and around my thin white dress, her hands expertly tugging the dress up to my chest.

"What exactly were you told?" I asked holding the dresses top to my chest to help her. She giggled the smallest bit and I felt her tug tightly on the ribbons. My breath went out in a huff.

"I was told all about you, my Lad-"

"Call me Lillith please." I said sounding slightly strained. Her fingers moved deftly up and tightened the dress even further.

"I was told all about you, Lillith. I know of your status on Midgard, and why you have come to us. I have heard of your courageous act of sacrificing yourself to save your kingdom. I also know that Midgard did not have the medicine to heal you, and that is why Prince Thor brought you here." Her hands brushed against the skin that the ribbons left bare. "There you go." She murmured stepping back.

I turned around and smiled at Runa. "Thank you, Runa."

Runa reached over and took a strand of my hair between her fingertips her expression considering. "I shall fix your hair and then you shall make haste to the throne room where Prince Thor shall be." She said guiding me to sit at a small mirror.


	4. Chapter Four

Runa had helped me find my way to the throne room despite my protests. She had simply waved my protests away and stated "This is my job".

My, how things have changed. I tugged on a small strand of hair that Runa had left down. How was I supposed to face those people again? I shivered the smallest bit when i remembered the bursts of pain that had put me on the floor.

"Go on, my Lady." Runa said softly behind me. "They are waiting on you." I nodded to her and turned back to the large doors. As if by magic they both slowly swung open. I took a deep breath that I could feel down to my toes, slowly let it out and walked through those large doors.

The throne room was just as magnificent as I had first remembered. Of course there were things I  _hadn't_  noticed before. People milled about in the far corners of the room dressed in fine clothing that put my normal day-to-day clothing to shame. I glanced down at the extravagant dress I was wearing and felt my cheeks flare up. I always blushed when I was nervous.

"Approach the throne." A booming voice rang out. I knew this voice. I felt a sudden flash of golden energy.

I slowly walked towards the figures seated on the dais trying my best to keep my head held high. I was happy that Runa had chosen flats instead of heels...I probably would have fallen by now. Grace was  _not_  one of my strong suits. I stopped a few feet away and paused unsure of what to do. Should I drop to the floor again?

"There is no need to honor us, Lady Lillith." The strange one eyed ancient man said when I began to kneel. "We have come here to honor you and your bravery."

"My...bravery?" I questioned. The man chuckled and many voices echoed his sentiments.

"Such modesty!" He laughed. I glanced around and caught a pair of sky blue eyes. Thor watched me with a polite smile, but there was a tension about his eyes that seemed out of place.

"There is no need to be so modest." The woman to the one eyed man's right said good naturedly. "The Allfather and I were both shocked when we heard of your deeds."

"Yes indeed." The person I now knew as the Allfather said. "Because of those acts we have decided to reward you."

I tried my best to keep a frown off of my face, but instead smiled and tried for a polite tone. "Such rewards are not necessary, Allfather." I said hoping to change his mind.

"Of course they are!" He cried a merry twinkle in his eye. My eyes darted to Thor, who looked very worried, and then back to the Allfather. I could feel something...a sort of pressure that had begun to build in the room in the room. I almost gasped when I realized that something here was wrong. I was supposed to be treading carefully, and that I was simply supposed to go along with this. All of this knowledge came in a rush and I hardly had the time to breathe before something landed on my bare shoulder and claws pricked my skin.

I made a tiny squeaking sound but that was drowned out by the sound of wings flapping. A raven had landed on my shoulder. I stared in shock at the bird, and it stared right back. Where in the  _hell_  did it come from?

"Ah, Huginn!" The Allfather called out. For a moment I wondered who he was talking to, but the question was instantly answered. The bird was named Huginn...knowledge...that's what Huginn meant. "It seems he has taken a liking to you." The Allfather noted. Odin...his name was Odin, and he was the ruler of this place...Asgard...I was in Asgard. I blinked in shock as the foreign knowledge suddenly made itself known.

"Until we can properly honor you we humbly ask that you stay with us here." The woman said. Frigga is her name, and she is the wife of Odin.

"I would gladly stay until you honor me." I said with a small smile. I could almost feel the relief sweep through the room. I did well. But that wasn't really my thought...not really. It was more like the random facts that kept pouring into my head. Huginn could not speak, but he can impart knowledge.

"If I might have a word with the lovely Lillith?" Thor's voice boomed across the throne room. All heads turned back towards me. I should accept. Or at least that was what Huginn thought. What Huginn  _knows_. I felt a darker humor bubble up inside me. From an ordinary college girl to talking to a bird in no time flat. "My Lady?" Thor questioned. I was taking too long.

"You may." I said to him trying to keep the regal tone that the entire room held. I was not royalty...not yet anyways. I blinked at the last part...it was hard to tell when Huginn was speaking to me and when it was just my thoughts. Thor walked over to me and held out an arm. I should take his arm. I glared at Huginn for a moment and I watched as he slightly ruffled his feathers. I took Thor's arm and he walked us out of the throne room.

"You did well." Thor told me as soon as we were out of hearing range. Huginn agreed.

"Huginn can talk." I blurted out, the calm facade I had been keeping crumbling. "Am I insane?" Not insane, but in a new culture. New planet new rules. "Would you  _stop_  that." I snapped at the bird. Huginn simply stared at me for a moment. I needed this knowledge more than anyone else in the palace. Also Huginn liked me. Huginn was not going to stop.

"Huginn is one of my father's two ravens. Huginn is-"

"Knowledge." I said nodding. "He doesn't really talk...he sorta implants the knowledge in my head. I suddenly  _know_  his opinion."

"Yes. Huginn's form of communication is different, but the very fact that you can hear him is the reason you must stay."

"What do you mean?" I asked...but I already knew. I was being held on Asgard until Odin and Frigga could determine if I was a threat to myself or others. I was now a half-breed something that no one has ever seen before. Huginn had been called in to give his information on my type, but he had none. The reason I could hear him was because I was half Asgardian. More than that when Loki hit me with his magic it attached itself to me, but when Odin saved me I also took in  _his_  magic. I was a ticking time bomb of power. At least I could be, and that was reason enough. I gasped and felt Thor take on some of my weight as the knowledge suddenly hit me.

"Lady Lillith." Thor said helping me gain my footing back.

"I'm a prisoner?" I asked pulling away from his grip.

He blinked in surprise and frowned. "No, my Lady, a guest." Thor said looking genuinely confused. "A guest of the Allfather himself." He added.

"Am I allowed to leave?" I asked him, and braced myself for Huginn's answer, but my head remained silent as Thor began to speak.

"Of course you may leave, my Lady. Asgard has many wonders...all of which you can see." He beamed at me. For a scary warrior he seemed more like a big puppy to me. His smile fell as I asked my next question.

"No, I mean  _leave_. Am I allowed to go home?" Thor was very quiet and I didn't need Huginn to see the answer in his blue eyes. No...I could not go home. But I had agreed to that. I glanced at Huginn. "Explain." I ordered him. His feathers ruffled, and for a moment I wondered if he was going to fly away. I had agreed to stay in Asgard twice actually. Muninn would be able to explain better than Huginn. "Wait, who is-" Odin has two ravens. Huginn which is knowledge of the now and future, and Muninn which is knowledge of the past. Huginn can tell me what  _is_  and what  _could_  be, but only Muninn is the only one who could tell me  _why_.

"Lady Lillith, please do not think of yourself as a prisoner here. We mean only the best." I turned my attention back to Thor and felt torn. I wanted to scream and rant and rave against my fate. And yet at the same time I could see how much Thor has tried to save me. He brought me to a whole new planet just for the chance to save my life. I  _owed_  these strange aliens my life. Heck, I was half Asgardian now, these weren't technically my people now.

"Thor...you've done so much. But what about my life?" I asked quietly. "Everything I've ever known is irrelevant here. "

"But, my Lady," Thor said softly eyes full of pity, "what would you have if you went back?" That fact hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt my eyes tear up almost instantly. How had I forgotten? I was in culture shock it was normal.

"Shut up, Huginn!" I managed to choke out. Huginn was worried about me. I felt him lightly grip my shoulder tighter. Huginn had a strange affection for me, and he wasn't sure why. He did not like this. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter and wished fiercely that I couldn't hear Huginn. There was a spark deep down, and the warmth that it had created began to ebb and flow inside of me. It reminded me almost of a tide of white noise. As suddenly as it had appeared it faded. And the horror and sorrow descended once more.

"You're right." I deadpanned. "I don't have anything left on Earth. There's no reason to go back. Even my friends...my friends will think I'm dead."

"I am here for you, my Lady." Thor said softly. Huginn was there for me as well. I was not alone. I fought the tears that threatened to spill over. I was  _not_  going to cry in front of them. Thor hesitantly took a step towards me, and then another. He was going to attempt to hug me. I almost glanced at Huginn. I was going to let him.

Thor wrapped his arms around me and I relaxed into his warm embrace. I couldn't help it. I needed it. I heard the sound of wings. Something skittered on the ground near my feet.

"Thank you, Thor." I whispered. My face was pressed against his armor so it came out a bit muffled. I felt him chuckle a little and hug me a bit tighter.

"It is my pleasure, Lady Lillith."

"I have a question." I asked him pulling away slightly. There was a slightly angry clicking sound near my feet and I glanced down and saw Huginn on the floor glaring at us. My letting Thor hug me must have knocked him off of his perch. I couldn't feel any of the bursts of information his communication came with.

"What is the question?" Thor asked catching my attention once more. I pushed the sorrow down and away from me.

"Why do you all keep calling me 'Lady'?" I asked studying Thor's face. He smiled at me, and I wondered how I had come to this.

"You were given the title after Odin healed you. He dubbed you a Lady of the court. You were not conscious during that time were you?" He asked. I felt a laugh bubble up.

"Not at all." I gave a sheepish grin. "To be honest it’s hard to remember most of it. I remember the pain." I added as an afterthought. The more I tried to remember the day before the further it slipped from my mind.

"Would you like a tour of the palace?" Thor suddenly asked effectively knocking me out of my train of thought. He let go of me and took a step back offering his arm once more. There was the sound of wings and Huginn once again perched on my shoulder.

"I'd love one." I said taking Thor's offered arm. Huginn thought that this was a good idea. I should know my way around the palace. It would come in handy soon. I glanced at him confused but he fell suddenly silent, his eyes far away. I felt a smile crack my face. I was worrying about the musings of a bird. Thor beamed at me and for the first time since waking up I beamed right back.


	5. Chapter Five

This was not a good idea. I rolled my eyes and continued down the darkened hallway. Huginn dug his claws further into my shoulder. I sighed.

"If you don't like it, then don't come." I said glancing at the strange bird. Thor will be looking for us. I paused and leaned against the hallway. "Thor is always looking for me." I should be grateful that Thor has kept me company in the first place. "Of course I'm grateful for his company...yours too. I just..." I paused and felt the light burning of unshed tears. "Sometimes people need time to themselves, and right now I really need it."

Thor had kept me busy, and kept thoughts of what had happened at bay, but a person can't repress something forever. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the feeling of the cool stone against my back. Huginn understood. A moment later Huginn flew away back the way we came. I was alone. The knowledge hit me like a brick and I felt the tears that I had been holding back all of this time slide down my face. I shouldn't have let Huginn leave. Thor was right to be doing what he had been doing, because my emotions were tearing me apart.

A buzzing began to invade my body, and my lungs felt starved for air. Why couldn't I breathe? It was then I realized that I had been sobbing, and not the pretty girl sobbing either. The buzzing began to increase to the point where it was hard to think past it. The buzzing grew and mutated until it took over everything. I gasped and distantly felt my body hit the ground. Then all at once the feeling changed, it went from an overwhelming buzzing to a sort of coolness that drifted beneath my skin. I sat up trying to pull air into my starved lungs. Across the hall from me a small golden symbol glowed softly. I pulled myself onto my feet and walked slowly towards it. The symbol was strange; it was a little snake that was eating itself. It almost reminded me of the amulet in the Neverending Story. I lightly reached out and touched the darkened middle, and squeaked in shock when golden curls burst away from my finger. The golden light swirled outwards until it formed the shape of a door, the stone between the swirls of light faded, and with a final burst the light itself faded leaving a doorway into what seemed to be a large chamber, lit by white and gold light. The cold that had been drifting underneath my skin shivered as if in recognition of whatever lies ahead. I turned, and faced the darkened hallway, but found its darkness to be intimidating instead of the comfort it had been when I began my little adventure.

It was times like this that I missed the little things. For example a cellphone to light the path, or to call someone to come and get me. I turned back around, and with the darkness at my back I felt like a little kid again. That moment when you head down the hallway at night, a hallway that you've walked down a thousand times...you know every single detail of that hallway, but when the lights are off it feels as though some dark force is creeping towards you with ill intent. I quickly walked, almost jogged, into the lit room.

There was a bedroom. The mere fact that there was a bedroom in the back of this large place struck me as odd. The second thing that I found odd was the lightly glowing glass that cut this bedroom off from the rest of the room. The bedroom was raised up a bit from the rest of the floor. I walked towards the glass wall until I was about three feet away.

"You survived." A voice I knew all too well said softly. My eyes darted to see acid green eyes boring into my own. Loki sat in a corner of his cage, hair untamed, and a book in his lap. I took a step backwards, the silver dress I was wearing threatening to tangle around my legs. "I'm surprised."

"I could say the same." I said finally finding my voice.

He laughed harshly, a madness shining in his eyes that had not been so prominent when I first saw him. "Odin did all he could, but your continued existence was ultimately up to you." He placed the book beside him and stood in one graceful move. It was the grace of a predator.

I tried to keep a strong face, but all I could see when I looked at him was the death of my father, the loss of my friends, and the imprisonment from my planet. His face held for me all of the horrors of the world. I turned and began to head for the door, but the laugh that my departure elicited from him made me freeze in my tracks. I tasted hate on the back of my tongue, it was metallic. I turned around my dress flaring with the sudden movement. There were so many things I wanted to say to him, so many things that I wanted to scream, but at that moment his eyes drifted beyond my shoulder and widened. I turned just in time to be hit in the face. The pain was explosive, my vision blurred, but I caught myself before I hit the ground. I forced myself to focus on the figure that hit me, and felt fear curl in the depths of my stomach. It was an alien...the same kind that had killed my father. Chitauri , that was the name Huginn called them. It pulled out a blade from its belt and made a strange chattering noise at me. I began to back up until I felt the glass wall...more like a wall of energy...hit my back. I couldn't breathe. The Chitauri leapt towards me, and in a last ditch effort I threw out my hand to ward off its blow.

The cool feeling that had been drifting underneath my skin suddenly spiked and blasted out of my open palm. I didn't know what to do I just wanted to be safe. There was a small shockwave that shoved me into Loki's wall. The wall was buzzing underneath my fingertips, and where my fingers touched the wall began to dissolve away. My hand slid through only to hit another barrier...this one was living. I pulled myself backwards not sure what to do. Everything was moving so fast...

I twisted back around to see that the Chitauri was on the floor, strange colored blood leaking onto the floor. Something grabbed onto the ribbons that held the dress to my back and pulled me backwards. I twisted, and heard Loki lightly grunt and the hand let go. I reached out towards the wall once more and pushed one thought at it.  _Close._  Loki made a small pained sound and I watched as he jerked his hand back into the prison just as the wall sealed itself.

I backed away from his cage almost tripping down the small drop off. He was staring at me. I heard a familiar pair of wings and I almost cried out in relief when Huginn soared into the room. I reached out towards him, and in a move that we had actually practiced he landed on my outstretched hand.

Odin was coming with a very large number of guards. They thought that had Loki broken out. Huginn was worried about me. Thor was coming as well. I had a large bruise blooming on my face and a cut that was lightly bleeding. The Chitauri that was lying on the floor was an assassin...it would not be the last. I gasped holding my free hand to my head. "Huginn slow down!" Huginn could not slow down, I had a minute at the least before Odin came in. I would be questioned. I wasn't supposed to even be here. Huginn wondered how I got to the enchanted cell in the first place. My head was throbbing...I could have a concussion. "Huginn please!"

"Lady Lillith!" Thor was the first to enter the room. His voice was over lapping with the constant stream of information that Huginn was trying to give me. I must have magic. No one thought that it would be possible. I hadn't shown signs of it at all. "You are injured!" Thor was already grabbing my arm and pulling me to him, all the while shielding me from the sight of the dead body. I could hear so many pairs of boots running towards us now. Odin suddenly appeared in the doorway, and Huginn felt the call that he put out. Huginn left my hand and landed on Odin's shoulder.

"Lady Lillith, you were attacked." Odin said calmly, as if he dealt with this stuff all the time. As my head started to really throb I wished I could just be in my room snuggled up in my favorite blanket watching Sherlock. "An assassin?" He glanced at Huginn in surprise. "Really now?" I found myself trying to distance myself from everyone. They were all so noisy... I found myself seeking solace a calm point among the chaos. I almost froze when I met Loki's eyes. I felt the hatred rise up again, I wanted nothing more than to strike the look of calculation off of his face. All of this was his fault, everything that happened to me was because of him.

"Lady Lillith." A voice broke me out of my daze and I jerked my gaze away from Loki. I turned back to Thor, and he motioned at his father. I turned to look at Odin. "How did you kill the assassin?" Odin asked bluntly.

I frowned to myself, and once again took notice of the cool feeling that once more drifted lazily just under my skin. I remembered the feeling as the cool seemed to increase and gather up in my body, how chaotic it felt as it began to bounce around my body. I blinked watched in horror as a strange light began to drift around my body. It was a mixture of green and gold with silver sparking throughout. I could feel the entire room take in a breath. "He was going to kill me, and this happened." I answered finally.

"It seems our troubles are just beginning." Odin mused stroking his white beard. "If Huginn's information is correct this assassin will be only the beginning. Someone wants you dead." He told me looking me in the eyes. "Not only that, but it seems you have attained magical powers. Without training you will be a danger to yourself and everyone around you, but you will also need to be protected at all times." Odin then paused and his eye widened the smallest bit. "Tomorrow we will hold a ceremony that you  _must_  attend. All will be resolved then." He nodded to himself.

Just like that I was ushered out of the prison cell. Thor kept a close eye on me and he guided us to the kitchens where he made me eat a bit before he dropped me off at my room. I felt like a highschooler who got caught sneaking out, and now I was grounded. I sighed and sat on my bed, picking up the Asgardian fairy tale book that Thor had brought me a few days ago. I read and tried to forget the impending ceremony that would fix everything.


	6. Chapter Six

I blinked myself awake, and realized that I had fallen asleep curled around the book. Asgardian books were a bit different than normal books. The pictures would actually move a bit, the characters depicted would blink and glace at you, the birds on the page would ruffle their feathers, and the colors on the page would shift and change every once in a while. The page I was on had a familiar picture on it. Huginn and his brother Muninn, Huginn ruffled his feathers and glanced at the reader every once in a while. Muninn was a different story; he hardly gave off the air of being a bird at all. Muninn watched the reader with ancient eyes that seemed to carry the weight of the world. I closed the book.

"My Lady, you slept in your dress?" Runa's voice made me jump. I glanced up sheepishly to see Runa and Bera staring at me from the doorway. Bera tutted at me and made a small motion for me to stand up. Runa was holding a emerald green dress, and I automatically made a face. Dresses were not my thing. As Donna Nobel had so nicely pointed out...they had no pockets. "Do you not like it?" Runa asked. "Odin himself picked it out for you."

"Odin picked my dress?" I asked quietly. Bera quickly began to undo the ribbons at my back, her fingers hot against my skin. Runa nodded and grinned. There was the sound of feathers and I automatically held my hand out towards the sound. I didn't even wince anymore when his little claws dug into my hands.

"Hello Lillith." A male voice said. I jumped and whipped my head towards Huginn, but found that I did not recognize this raven. Well...I did. Ancient eyes watched me with an amused air. "I do not believe that we have met." The new raven hopped a bit up my arm until he was closer to my face. "I am Muninn." I didn't speak to Muninn at first. How could I? I was used to one supernatural bird, and now I had to deal with a second? "I know this may come as a shock, and I am sorry that I have not introduced myself until now, but I have been very busy as of late." The bird went on in a civil manner. "My brother has told me much about you. I understand what he feels now." He seemed to mutter to himself.

"It's nice to meet you." I said gently. The dress that I was wearing finally came undone and slid down to rest at my hips. Muninn inclined his head towards me in a very human-like gesture. "Why did you come now?" I asked watching him. "Other than to meet me?" Muninn then chuckled, and I felt the utter strangeness of my situation.

"My Lady, I understand you are in council with Muninn, but you must get dressed. We have much to do." Bera said softly from behind me. Muninn glanced behind me, and then with a few flaps landed on my left shoulder, the exact opposite of where I was used to. "Thank you." Bera muttered to Muninn, already guiding my legs out of the old dress. I let them guide my body while I listened to Muninn begin to talk.

"You are clever, my Lady. My brother was right." He said with another little chuckle. "You are right in the assumption that I am not here for only a visit. I am here because I must take a look at what exactly you did to help the Avengers." He said quietly. "I must also see what sort of life you led before your presence here." He caught my gaze, and for a moment I swear he seemed completely human. Like a human soul trapped in a bird's body. Huginn at least seemed slightly bird-like.

"Why?" Muninn seemed to be confused by that so I clarified before he could ask. "Why exactly do you need to see these things? I know that Odin sent you to gather this information for a reason...what is it?"

Muninn watched me for the longest time, and I felt Bera tugging the new dress up my body. The waist was very form fitting, and I glanced down to see that it was not the normal poofy dress I was used to. It was very shiny, and fell from my form like water. "As I said before...clever. I am going to gain this information because we have found a protector for you. Someone who has the fighting skills necessary to keep you safe, and a life that is forfeit. We also need someone who can cope with your...unusual...talents." Muninn said, and suddenly I was back in the prison. I could feel the fear again and the pain. I raised my hand and felt the cool feeling pulse once more. I began to stumble…and I knew what was going to happen next. For some odd reason I didn't want Muninn to see. I forcefully jerked myself out of the memory and I felt Muninn ruffle his feathers in shock.

"My Lady…" Runa was staring at me with wide eyes. I glanced down to see that my body had been covered with the colors again. There was more silver this time, and it didn't feel cool so much as a strange force that was moving in waves beneath my skin. I thought about the colors disappearing, I willed them away from me, and watched in fascination as they faded from view.

"Is that why you pushed me out?" Muninn asked me softly. I simply nodded. "I believe I will get the next memory without subjecting you to reliving it." Muninn pressed his beak to my cheek and I almost laughed as it felt like he was trying to kiss me. The laugh cut off as I felt something enter the back of my mind. I felt it shuffle through my memories as if they were nothing but playing cards. I shivered and remembered the Donna Doctor….was this what she would have felt just before everything disappeared? "There." Muninn said softly against my cheek. "Done. It was nice to meet you, Lady Lillith." He said and with a tiny bow he flew out the balcony.

"Muninn is an odd type, do not be alarmed by anything he says or does." Bera said to me pulling the dress up and over my left shoulder. "Now come…" She said finishing some sort of knot in the back of my dress. "Let us do your hair and face. Odin said you must be radiant for tonight."

Hours of the girls tugging at my hair and smoothing creams over my face. I tried my best to simply sit still. I never had a mother to do those things with me. She was off somewhere with another man…with another family…she would never know of my disappearance. And even if she did, I really doubted she would care. "My Lady, we are done." Runa said softly. "Would you like to see?"

I stood in front of one of the large mirrors in my room and didn't recognize myself. The green dress hugged my body and fell away to give me a look of being draped in water. My hair was up and braided in such a way that it reminded me of an Elf. Not the little Elves that bake cookies and help Santa…but the Elves from The Lord of the Rings. My face had been worked on the most, and now I knew why. All of the freckles that usually dotted my face were gone, the huge bruise that had appeared from being hit was gone, and my face was smooth and glowing. My eyes were dramatic in a way that I could not imagine. Every emotion that flitted across my face seemed to be more intense, and had more of an impact than normal. "It's wonderful…I don't look like myself."

"It is time, My Lady." Runa said motioning towards the door. I sighed and made my way back to the large doors of the Throne Room


	7. Chapter Seven

Muffled music greeted me when I stood in front of the large doors. For a moment I wasn't sure if I wanted to go inside. In that moment I wished desperately that I was back home. The doors swung open and I distantly heard someone call out my name and rank. The hall was filled with tables and people I had never seen, and they all raised their glasses to me. I blinked in shock and took a few steps inside. They had all gone back to talking, laughing, and drinking with each other, only a few faces glanced at me and those were the faces that I knew. Odin was nowhere in sight, and for a moment I considered going back to my room.

"Lady Lillith!" Thor's familiar voice slammed me back into reality. He was beckoning me to sit with him at one of the tables. I wanted nothing more than to turn back, but I swallowed it and walked slowly to Thor's side. "Please join us in our revelry." He said with a smile. I found myself sitting next to him, and meeting the eyes of the people across the table. One man in particular watched me a bit closer than the others.

"Hi...I'm Lillith." I said to the small group of people.

A very beautiful woman with a slightly stern expression and hair black as a ravens spoke up first. "Nice to meet you, Lady Lillith. I am Lady Sif." She said extending her hand across the table. I carefully reached out and shook it once. "I am sorry that we have not met before this occasion."

"What would this occasion be exactly?" I asked glancing around at the people laughing and eating. I turned back to the table and Sif was staring at me in silent shock. She recovered fairly quickly.

"You don't know?" She asked. I shook my head. She raised an eyebrow but made no attempt to explain what was going on.

"I am Fandral." The man who had been watching me closely said with a charming smile.

He extended his arm and I reached out, but instead of shaking my hand he caught in and expertly lifted it to his lips. I tried not to blush…I really did. "Nice to meet you." I said taking my hand back.

"I am Volstagg!" A larger man with a very red beard said grinning at me. I didn't exactly know why but I felt myself relax when he spoke to me. I grinned back and him and took a small sip of what was in my glass. I almost coughed when the taste of honey and alcohol assaulted my senses. Volstagg chuckled and I glanced towards him. "Not used to the Mead?"

"I've never had Mead." I said glancing at my goblet in slight reproach. "Technically I'm not supposed to be able to drink at all." I said swirling the contents of the glass thoughtfully. There was a slight shift in the room and I glanced up to see Odin, Frigga, and a new man strode through the door. I automatically searched the new man.

The man's gold eyes met mine immediately. He was massive and his skin was almost the color of coffee, but the strangeness of his eyes were what really caught me. He looked at me as if he had known me all of my life. I almost didn't notice that Odin was heading towards me with a strange guard at his side.

"Well met, Lady Lillith." Odin's voice brought my eyes away from the strange golden man. Odin glanced at the guard at his side before holding out his hand to me. "I have brought you two gifts."

I automatically placed my hand in his and felt him slightly tug upwards. I carefully stood up and stepped away from the table. The room began to grow quiet. Odin let go of my hand abruptly and glanced to the man in the gold. He silently handed over what looked to be a golden bracer. Odin held the bracer for a moment, his eye searching mine. I felt something shift, and I recognized the feeling. I had felt the exact same thing when I had touched the snake that glowed on the wall. I tried not to shiver when something within me tried to rise in response. The feeling dropped away, as did the response within myself, and Odin reached for my right arm.

The Allfather was surprisingly gentle when he pulled my arm to him. "The first gift," Odin said his voice seeming to race around the room, "will be your first piece of armor." I knew for a fact that their culture held armor in a high regard. I held my arm in the air before him as he lightly tugged the bracer into two parts. Odin held the bottom of the bracer against my wrist, and then he began to overlay the top piece. Odin's hand slipped, and the sharp edge of the bracer sliced into my skin. I sucked in a startled breath. Odin quickly closed the two pieces. "My apologies." He said with a small smile. He then mumbled something underneath his breath. I went to ask him to repeat himself when golden energy slammed into me. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think….but there was someone else there with me. Someone else caught in the whirlwind of power. I didn't really think, I simply reached out to that person. It was only then I realized that what the power had been trying to do.

The world snapped back into focus. It couldn't have been more than a second that any of this took place, but the bracer was shimmering against my skin. I could no longer see the seam where the bracer had clicked together. It looked solid. Odin's eyes caught mine once more and this time they held a warning. My mouth stayed firmly shut.

"Second I am assigning you one of my personal guard." He said gesturing to the guard who had been standing near him. The guard caught my eyes, and I instantly felt something within me shiver. He looked unremarkable, brown hair and eyes. A face that is easily forgotten, but behind that….behind his eyes there was something that drew me.

"Thank you, Allfather." I said dropping into a low curtsy that Runa had taught me. Odin simply smiled then walked towards his throne, leaving me at my table with the odd guard. Conversation picked back up, and I stood straight, once more catching the eyes of the odd guard. "Hello, I'm Lillith. It's nice to meet you."

The guard was staring at me still. His face was expressionless, and yet in the depths of his eyes I felt like a predator was watching me. "I am Jaco." He said suddenly. I tried to remember the voice, but found that I couldn't. He was so unremarkable in appearance that I found myself shying away from him. That's why he was part of Odin's personal guard, I supposed, being able to protect him while seeming like he's not there.

"Lady Lillith, please join us once more." Thor said catching my attention. I glanced back at the guard, but he was already turning to look at the room. Thor held out his hand and I used him as support as I sat once more.

Volstagg was grinning at me. "Let's see that first piece of armor shall we?" He proclaimed. I automatically held out my right arm and instantly noticed that the piece had changed. When Odin had first put it on me with was simply a smooth golden bracer, but now lines curved about it. The pattern reminded me slightly of Assassin's creed. I smiled at it despite myself. Odin probably shaped it with his power.

"It's beautiful." Lady Sif said reaching out and touching the metal. She smiled up at me. "I cannot wait to see you in battle with it." I blinked, and the image of the dead Chitauri flitted across my vision.

I pulled my arm back and glanced down slightly. "I don't know how to fight actually." I said with a sheepish smile. Sif's eyes widened.

"You do not know how to fight." She said it as if everyone should know how to hold their own in a fight. And I suppose in this culture….my new culture…you would have to. I shook my head at her as if I were answering a question instead of a statement. "When we get back I shall have to aid in your training." I narrowed my eyes at the group of them.

"What do you mean 'When you get back'?"


	8. Chapter Eight

"What do you mean 'When you get back'?"

The group watched me for a few moments in silence. A strange force shivered over me and I found myself looking away from the group. My eyes met Jaco's and I once again noticed the predator that lurked beneath his dull gaze.

"We are going to be leaving soon." Thor's voice cut through what must have been a very awkward searching gaze to Jaco. I turned back around narrowing my eyes.

"How long will you be gone?" I asked. It didn't matter to me where Thor was going, it was the fact that he was leaving me here alone.

"I am not sure, Lady Lillith. But you will be in good hands." Thor said glancing to Jaco behind me. "I should not be gone very long." Thor added.

I took a sip of the Mead and tried not to cringe at the taste of alcohol. Thor began to explain something about the Nine Realms being in an uproar, but I found myself drifting away from the conversation once more. The terms they used still confused me at times. Lady Sif and Thor began to speak together about battle, and I drank a bit more Mead. I glanced back to Jaco, and his bland eyes met mine.

"You can sit if you want." I said slightly moving to the side to show him that I could, in fact, give him room to sit. He seemed to contemplate that little invitation for a minute or so.

"It would hinder my ability to protect you, Lady." He said in that dull voice. I still couldn't quite remember how it sounded when he spoke. "I am below your position, my Lady, and you should remember that. People might talk." He said, and this time I caught a hint of something familiar about the way he spoke. His eyes had become strangely alive, and a small flicker of rage seemed to show itself in their depths.

"To be honest," I said meeting his eyes fully, "I don't care what people may say." There was a flash of something, and then he became the bland, unnoticeable man again. He didn't seem to have any inclination of responding and he instantly began scanning the room. I took that as a dismissal and turned back to the group with a small sigh.

The feast continued without any real happenings of relevance and I found myself walking towards my room with Jaco in tow. There was a slight buzz of happiness to everything, and I was pretty sure it had something to do with the amount of Mead I drank. I paused at my door glancing back at Jaco before opening the door and slipping inside. Jaco followed behind me, and he shut the door behind us.

"Do you need anything?" I asked Jaco instantly. He simply stared at me. "Water? A seat? Anything...?" I asked trailing off. I glanced away from the guard and noticed that Runa and Bera had left the oils necessary to take off the makeup that had transformed my face. I smiled at that, they had realized that I would want to take the makeup off myself. Jaco said nothing, and he seemed to slightly fade into the background...like he was supposed to.

I spent the next few minutes wiping away the makeup that they had put on, I winced when I got to the hurt part of my face. The bruise was huge, and black-ish now. I watched myself wide eyed as I peeled back the layers of makeup to reveal the hurt.

"I knew Midgardians were weak...but all of that over one little blow?" A voice like silk asked from behind me. I spun around wide-eyed, and saw Jaco narrowing his eyes at me. A strange grin had spread across Jaco's face. I knew that voice…. Then Jaco's appearance shimmered, as if his entire body was made of light. I gasped and scrambled away from him, already heading towards the balcony.

The fear that raced through me transformed into that strange racing energy that I had recently acquired. I twisted to look at Jaco, but he had already moved to me from across the room. I looked up into his face, and it wasn't his face anymore. Familiar black hair spilled down around familiar broad shoulders, and glee filled green eyes met my own. The racing energy filled me up, pressed against the boundaries of my small frame, then burst out of me in a wave of silver. The energy clung about me, moving much like sentient fog, and I could feel it….and feel everything that it touched. I could feel my own body shivering in a hatred and fear that shouldn't have ever been so strong. I wanted to scream, the double sensation of feeling was almost too much. The silver fog, that was also me somehow, brushed against the man and his name spilled from my lips without my really wanting it.

"Loki." I knew I sounded angry, and I was happy about that, because my head had become a war ground of emotions. Panic was starting to win. The silver fog expanded with my fear, and a new color of green began to shift and twist with it. This was still my power, but with this new color I could feel a sort of ruthlessness. Something that laughed in the face of danger. Without my meaning to a grin, very much like the one Loki had been sporting, spread across my face. Loki's eyes widened and then suddenly a new force swept through the room. This force was familiar, and I felt if I could just call out it would respond to me. Then there was a rush, and all of the energy that had been pouring out of me was pushed back in. My energy was like a flame when the oxygen suddenly disappears, one moment it is vibrant and moving, the next it splutters out like it never existed in the first place. I gasped in its absence and felt myself falling. Deft hands and strong arms caught me before I hit the ground.

"Let go of me." I hissed pushing an elbow into his stomach. The arms that had saved me from hitting the floor were now turning me to face him. "I swear if you don't let go of me I'll-"

"You'll what, exactly?" Loki's voice purred. "Call the guards? That would be a bit redundant. I  _am_  your guard." With his last words Loki's form shifted into that of the odd façade of Jaco.

"How did you fool Odin…how did you get out?" I asked trying to pull away from his grip. Out of all the things he could have done, he had come after me. I was going to die at his hand, and there was not a thing I could do about it. I wanted Huginn. Jaco faded into Loki once more, and the anger in his eyes was hot enough to sear my skin.

"How typical of a Midgardian." Loki spat suddenly letting me go. I caught myself before I fell into the window of my balcony. "Are you really so blind?" He asked me hands clenched into fists. It was then I noticed a familiar looking bracer on his right arm. "To think," Loki began to rant, but there was the sound of feathers and wings and the feel of claws slamming into my shoulder, "that I am bound to such a dull creature."

Bound was right. Loki had not escaped after all. Odin had chosen Loki specifically to guard me because of his expertise in magic and fighting. Odin had taken precautions to make sure that Loki would not try to kill me…or vice versa. The bracer kept us from acting too harshly against the other, and it also bound Loki's will to protect me at all costs. From everything. That was why Odin cut my arm when he put the bracer on it. He had needed my blood to seal the magic and bind Loki to me. I shivered as the information shoved its way into my head. And then I felt the anger.

"What?" My voice was flat and the anger was apparent. "Odin. Did. What?" Huginn hopped away from my head a bit. "This is his great solution to the problem that is me?" I growled. Huginn thought it was a good idea. Loki had the qualifications to guard- "I do not care if you think it's a good idea." I began to walk, the anger making my steps light and fast.

"What in all the Nine Realms  _are_  you doing?" Loki asked. I could hear his steps catching up to me quickly.

Huginn was confused at why I was leaving my room at such a time of night. "I am going to give that white bearded bastard a piece of my mind." I growled. There was no such thing as blood within me anymore. It was pure rage that pumped through my veins. I was out the door and heading to the King and Queens chambers in an instant.

"This is not wise, my Lady." The voice was hardly memorable, and I knew that Loki had transformed into Jaco. He spoke in a softer voice. "Would you stand against the King and his wishes?"

"Yes," I breathed back to him, rounding a corner. Two guards stood outside of the large door that led to the King and Queen's room. "if the King and his wishes stand against me."


	9. Chapter Nine

As I approached the door the two guards suddenly shifted, and their large bodies were suddenly in my way. Huginn wished for me to go back to my room. Incurring the wrath of the king was no small matter here. I stood before the wall of flesh that made up the two large guards and felt the first flash of doubt. The fires of my rage flickered as the two guards looked down at me.

"I request to see the King." I demanded. My voice, which I was sure was going to betray me, sounded strong and sure of itself. I was glad for my voice…I, on the other hand, was starting to slightly shake in the face of the guards.

"The King sees no one." The guard on the right said in a booming bass.

I took a deep breath that I could feel down to my toes, and I felt a familiar spark of the energy at my core. The spark gave me some sort of warmth. "The King will see me." I assured the guard. The guard simply stared at me. I grit my teeth, and the energy at my core shifted slightly. Instead of the cold that had filled me before this became warm...it reminded me of sunlight almost. The energy was like liquid sunlight. Huginn shifted his feathers ruffling. Huginn did not feel at ease, he was feeling something that should be impossible.

"I am Lady Lillith." I found myself saying, but my tone was smoother. My body quickly followed suit, and I stood with shoulders back and eyes sharp. "You will let me through." And without a seconds hesitation I stepped forward. The guards moved quickly out of my way and pulled the doors open for me. As soon as I crossed the threshold the sunlight shifted back into its normal strange feeling state. The regal status I had seemed to achieve fell away from me. I paused in the doorway of the Kings room and without meaning to I took the smallest step back.

"There is still time to return to your quarters, my Lady." Jaco's voice was soft. If I didn't know better it sounded like he meant it. But Jaco wasn't real...and Loki didn't care either way. Loki did care. I blinked and glanced at Huginn. Then I sighed and pushed my questions away.

It was harder than I thought to walk further into Odin's room, but I knew that if I didn't face him now...I never would. Each step that I took into the rather expansive room echoed like thunder in my ears. Then I saw Odin, he was dressed in what must be his sleepwear, but he was standing in front of his large canopy bed with a look that was impossible to read. Huginn altered his grip on my shoulder and I felt his feathers lightly tangle in my hair. He was hiding.

"Odin." I said my hands beginning to shake.

Odin raised his snow white eyebrows. "What is the meaning of this visit, Lady Lillith?" His eye scanned behind me, and a hard light entered his eyes. "You are not to be here." He said his voice booming, but he wasn't talking to me. I glanced back to see Loki had dropped the Jaco disguise and was staring at his father with a careful blank face. "I have ordered you to-"

"Excuse me!" I snapped cutting off the ruler of Asgard. Odin blinked at the sudden interruption. "He is here because  _you_   _ordered_  him to guard me." I took a step forward and locked gazes with Odin. " _I_  am here because you ordered him to guard me. Of all of the people you could have decided on you decided on my father's murderer. The one person in the universe that has almost killed me. How can you think this is a good idea?" My voice had been rising with my fury.

"Loki is the only one who can guard someone like you." Odin growled.

"Someone like me?" I growled right back.

"A  _Halfbreed_." The pure hatred Odin put into that one word was like a ton of bricks had hit me in the gut. A halfbreed. Something that shouldn't be. It was clear in the way he said it. "If Thor had not begged for your life I would have ended it as soon as I laid eyes upon you!" Each word hurt, I felt the light burning that signaled my tears.

"How  _dare_  you!" I hissed, and with my pain came my power. It roared into being in and around me in an instant stronger than anything I had created before. There were no colors this time...just pure hurt and rage that swirled around all of the people in the room. "How  _dare_  you act as if I am less! That I am something horrible! Your  _son_  was the one who decided to bring me here! I was perfectly happy to die!" My pain was too much. Distantly I heard things in the room crashing to the ground with the force of my power. And then all at once it was shoved back inside of me with not a flicker left.  _It hurt._  I dropped to the floor a scream ripping out of my throat before I could think. I heard a low moan sound behind me.

"Enough." This voice was not male. I forced myself to look up at the Queen as she gracefully got up from the bed. Shame colored my cheeks as she glanced at me. "Odin apologize to Lady Lillith at once." Her voice was calm. Odin watched his wife for a moment before looking to me.

A sigh, and then he was walking across the room and helping me up. "My apologies I did not mean the things I said." Huginn liked the Queen. I was faintly surprised that Huginn was still on my shoulder. Huginn would not abandon me.

"Now," the Queen said walking over to me, "Loki you should not stop her magic in such a way." Loki, to my surprise, glanced down in what seemed to be shame. "I understand your anger, Lady Lillith. But an anger such as that will only poison you if you hold onto it." She then reached out and took my hand. "You are in a world you do not understand, and you have been changed into something you do not understand. I would like to teach you in the ways of magic." She said to me. I wondered faintly how someone with such power over people like Odin and Loki could be so gentle. I nodded slightly.

"Can you change it?" I asked her soflty. The pity in her eyes was answer enough.

"No. I'm afraid that you and Loki are bound in such a way that neither I nor Odin can break it." I glared down at my bracer with all of my might. "Perhaps you will find that this will be for the best." She said the last part so softly that I wondered if I had imagined it.

A new question came to mind. "Where will he sleep?"

Frigga smiled at me, and I knew it was because she recognized that I was showing some sort of concern for Loki. I half wished I could take it back, but the joy in her eyes kept me from wishing too hard. It was hard not to love this woman. "He shall have to have a bed brought into your room. You cannot be far from each other." I felt fear slice through me. What if he tried to... "Nothing will happen, my dear. He cannot hurt you... _in any way_." She had understood my fear. My relief brought a small smile to my face. "Now off to bed...we shall have the healers look at your face tomorrow." She seemed to be thinking to herself.

I let go of her hand and turned to leave, and was surprised to see a strange look in Loki's eyes. His face smoothed out almost instantly. I walked past him, but kept my eyes on his face. He was looking at his mother...for a moment he looked sad. Then he turned to follow me. I walked quietly back to my room lost in thought. Huginn flew off with a little goodbye. He knew I would be safe. I watched after him for a moment before opening my door. I had the thought to close it in Loki's face, but I only sighed to myself as I held it open waiting for him to get fully inside before softly shutting it. There was a new addition to my room. A small changing screen.

On my bed were the pajamas I had requested. Long silky pants and a spaghetti strap top that matched. Runa and Bera had commented on the Midgardian feel to the clothes. That's what I was aiming for. At least something normal. Loki had dropped into the large plush chair that sat near my mirror, his form once again his own. I tried my best to ignore him as I got ready for bed. His eyes were on me when I stepped out from behind the changing screen. I studied him intently for a moment.

Loki's eyes were by far the most stunning thing about him. They seemed to reflect his every emotion, and then no emotion at all. He had pale skin, which probably matched my own shade...though he didn't have freckles which I did...in spades. His black hair was slicked back the ends curling slightly up near his shoulders. Long and lanky, he sat looking quite relaxed his limbs spread out slightly somehow radiating arrogance. Even when sitting still Loki was graceful and poised. I put out all the lights in my room and made my way to my bed using only starlight. I crawled into my bed, and after a moments hesitation I climbed out again and threw a pillow at Loki's dark form. I couldn't say I wasn't displeased when I heard the thump of the pillow hitting him in the chest. I still hated him, but I could at least give him a pillow. Before he could say anything I darted back into my bed and made sure the canopy was closed completely around the bed. Sleep did not come easily, and soon I tried to find something to lull me to sleep. After the longest time I lightly pushed myself up on my elbows staring hard through the canopy. Loki had relaxed even more into the chair and his breaths were slow and even. I plopped back down and closed my eyes.

Eventually I fell asleep to the sound of his breathing.


	10. Chapter Ten

I was running. I could hardly drag breaths into my battered body as my feet raced over unsteady ground. I was running towards something...towards  _someone_. Red. Something dark and red was twisting and twining around my arms and legs, slowing me down. I screamed in frustration, and then in fear. Laughter surrounded me, and I felt my body dragged skywards by something that was  _inside_  of me. Pain. Fear. I screamed again as a Chitauri swung a knife at me. Screamed louder when I saw the pale face of my father spattered with blood.

I jerked awake hardly stopping myself from screaming. I shivered and sat up hugging my knees to my chest. Nightmares like this were becoming common to me. I held back my sobs and pressed my face to my knees. After a long moment I pushed my covers back and slipped out of my bed. It was seconds before I was closing the balcony doors behind me and looking over the darkened form of Asgard. In the distance a bridge shifted through the colors of the rainbow, its glow reminding me of the aurora borealis made solid. The air was warm against my skin and I slowly let out a breath running my hands through my hair.

I'm not sure how long I stood looking over Asgard trying to keep thoughts out of my head when I heard the beat of wings. A dark shape wheeled overhead before landing on the railing of the balcony.

"Hello Lady Lillith." I blinked in shock. "My brother said you would be here at this time." Muninn went on.

"Hello, Muninn. You can call me Lillith, you know. Huginn does." I replied turning towards him a bit. "Any particular reason you wanted to visit?" I asked wary.

If a bird could smile, that was what Muninn did. "My brother asked a favor of me." He said taking a step closer to me. "Huginn is occupied at the moment, but he sent me to speak with you."

I narrowed my eyes slightly. "What about?" Muninn made a small motion with his wing that was reminiscent of a person running a hand through their hair.

"Your future." Muninn chuckled at my shocked expression. "What comes next is what Huginn specializes in, Lady Lillith, and he has taken it upon himself to help protect you. When Huginn is close to someone their future comes more easily to him. He has seen some...interesting things in yours. I cannot say much, Huginn has warned me against that, but I can tell you that you that Queen Frigga's advice is sound. Should you hold onto your anger terrible things will befall you." Muninn hopped some more until he was almost brushing my hand.

"It's not as easy as he might think." I mumbled. Muninn laughed at that. I fought down a shiver. To hear such a human and warm sound coming from a bird was unsettling.

"I understand that this might seem a bit strange to you." Muninn said softly. "I have seen your past, and thus I understand your motives. I understand your reactions to me. You can be assured that dabbling in the future business is outside of my comfort zone as well." I raised my eyebrows at him and he laughed again, but this time it didn't bother me as much. "The past is steady. Should the past be an object it would be the ground upon which you walk. It is steady and is something to build upon. The future is more like the sky. Constantly changing and often the subtle things are not solid until they have already come to be. It is beyond my reach."

"That's strange." I said to myself a smile starting to form. Muninn tilted his head to the side. "That something would be beyond your reach...I mean you  _do_  have wings." This time I laughed with him.

"I could help you." Muninn said suddenly. "The dreams, Huginn told me about them, and they must be stemming from some memory of yours. I could dull it and stop the dreams if you'd like." I thought about that for a bit and then shook my head.

"I couldn't. Not that I don't appreciate what you are offering." I added quickly. "It's more that if I let you dull the pain of that memory it would be giving it less value. The dreams are horrible but they are something I have to deal with myself. If I don't the events that gave them life would be meaningless. My father was murdered in front of my eyes...and yes...it hurts to think of it." I felt tears threatening to form. "But my Dad...he wouldn't want me to linger on his death. He would want me to grow from it. He always said that 'Bad things happen for a reason' and that 'it is our duty to learn and grow from them'."

"And what do you think this has been trying to teach you?" Muninn's voice was quiet and thoughtful. For a moment he reminded me of my Dad. That would be something  _he_  would have asked.

I tilted my head back and thought of my situation. I would never have been here if it weren't for my plan to take Loki down. I had been dying and Thor was the one who decided to save me. I would be dead if it weren't for his kindness. Frigga and Odin could have let me die as well if it weren't for their forgiveness. They forgave my act of revenge against Loki and gave me a new life.

"Revenge isn't the answer." I finally said. There was probably more...I  _knew_  there was more, but I wasn't ready to face the answer just yet. I was still angry and I still wanted to lash out at the world. It wasn't like just because I knew that revenge wasn't the answer I didn't want it anymore. I still wanted revenge. I still wanted people to suffer for what had happened. And yet in my heart I knew that I wouldn't try for revenge again...despite how much it tempted me.

Muninn fluttered his wings and lightly landed on my hand. "Your father was a wise man." I brought my hand up to the level of my face and smiled the smallest bit at Muninn. I wasn't sure why, but I had the feeling that he was now one of my friends. "You are very much like him." And with that statement Muninn flew off of my hand and into the now brightening sky. I stared after him for a long time reeling at his words.

Morning came slowly. I found that I liked watching the sky lighten. Soon golden light poured over my body and lit Asgard as if it were on fire. Slowly the city woke, and people began to move in the sleepy streets. I let the peaceful feel of the morning fill me.

"You must be exhausted." Loki's voice was soft. I jumped and twisted around to see him standing with the balcony doors closed behind him. "Tell me, do you always keep company with those birds?"

I sighed and wanted nothing more than to hide in my bed and not move for the rest of the day. I couldn't seem to find the hostility that I normally held for Loki, so I simply turned away from him and watched the city once more. I took in a breath and instantly a strange mixture of cold and mint assaulted my senses. I couldn't help but stiffen the smallest bit.

"Something woke you.." Loki's voice was very near and I fought the urge to turn around. "What was it?" Loki's scent closed in around me and I knew that he had moved even closer. I gripped the rail my knuckles turning white in my sudden panic. I wasn't sure what had made me feel panicked but I twisted around to see Loki's chest inches from my face. I tilted my head up to look at him and narrowed my eyes.

"Why do you care?"

Loki smirked. "I don't." His words hit me like a physical force. He was right of course...he didn't care. I felt sorrow like lead in my veins. Anyone who would have cared about me either thought I was dead...or was dead. Thor and Huginn might think of my safety...but no one in Asgard would want to listen to me about my bad dreams. Or about the things I missed back on Earth. Here I was just the  _Halfbreed_  a burden that no one really wanted. I knew I was throwing a pity party but at the moment I truly didn't care that I was being petty.

"Yeah," I mumbled pushing past him, "join the club. I heard they have shirts." I opened the doors and went to my bed, crawling into the gauzy fortress. I pushed myself back between the covers and curled into myself. If no one else cared then I wouldn't care either.

"Hiding?" Loki was of course just outside of my fortress of self pity. I ignored his question, and closed my eyes. I just wanted my friends….I just wanted my Dad. I just wanted  _some_  sort of compassion or love from _somebody_. "Not much of a hiding spot." Loki went on. Anger flared. It was a weak thing, but it was there. "Are all Midgardians so weak?" Stronger now. God I hated this man. Why couldn't he just leave me alone….I didn't even want him dead…..just away from me. "And such  _wonderful_  conversationalists?"'

"Are all Asgardians apathetic asshats?" I hissed suddenly sitting up. Loki had drawn aside the gauze, and I found myself locking gazes with him. I wasn't sure why, but a sudden calm filled me from head to toes. His eyes were like a calm place amid the storm of anger and sorrow. A small smile graced his features…and this one didn't look as….fake….or insane.

I jerked my eyes away from him just as the door began to open. Runa and Bera came bustling through the door with a very large bowl of steaming water and a few vials of clear liquid. Runa glanced towards Loki and I turned towards him panicked. They couldn't know….I knew that Odin would want people to think that Loki was still rotting in his cell somewhere in the bowels of this palace. Jaco stood leaning against the wall, eyes on the women. His look was one of quick calculation and then boredom. The act was flawless, and I couldn't help the tiny smile that flitted across my face at the realization that he had fooled them.

"My lady we have brought bathing materials, and a surprise!" Bera stated sounding excited. I turned to meet her happy gaze. "We have gotten you a new chemical that enhances your natural scent! It's…." Bera looked like she was trying to remember something. "Oh! It's all the rage here in the court!" I laughed. I couldn't help it. Runa and Bera had taken it upon themselves to try and use Earth slang to make me feel more at home.

"That's awesome!" I said trying to keep my voice light and excited like theirs.

"Um…my lady?" Runa asked her eyes flicking towards Loki. "Perhaps you can dismiss your guard so that you may bathe?"

"Oh!" I had sort of forgotten about Loki in that instant. Heat raced into my face, and I knew that my face had become a beacon of red. "Jaco, could you wait outside until I am done?" I asked glancing back to him. I could swear that an amused look entered Loki's eyes. He made a small half bow, and began to move across the room.

"As my lady commands." He said in that ever forgettable voice. Runa and Bera hardly looked at him as he left shutting the door behind him.

"Undress." Runa commanded.

"My lady, forgive me if this question is too forward, but….does Jaco feel off to you?" Bera asked as I stood up. "He makes me very uncomfortable."

I laughed, I couldn't help it. "It's that face." Runa said in a low tone.

"And that voice." Bera added shivering.

I laughed even harder and my lady maids looked slightly worried for my mental health. "He does seem….different. But he sort of fades into the background….just like a guard is supposed to do. I am honored that Odin has chosen one of his personal guard." I said with all of the diplomacy that I could muster.

"Oh yes of course!" Bera said beginning to mix the clear liquid into the bowl. Runa handed me a small cloth. "Still unsettles me." She muttered to herself. Outside, I swore I could hear a low chuckle.


	11. Chapter Eleven

"There you go, my lady." Runa said with one last tug on my dress. The dress was golden, and hugged my body. It was made from thousands of pieces of metal and seemed like armor that had been molded into a dress. I glanced down to my legs and was immensely glad that Bera knew how do shave with a razor. The dress stopped mid-thigh and I felt a little exposed.

"You don't like it." Bera sounded disappointed, and I instantly wiped the worried look off of my face.

"It's beautiful." I commented. It really was. I smiled at them and did a little turn. Bera immediately started clapping and Runa simply smiled back at me.

"Jaco will be stunned into silence!" Bera whispered to me. "Well….more silent than he already is."

"Bera!" Runa scolded. "Lillith is a lady and such comments-"

"Runa!" I said cutting her off. "It's okay…really." Bera's comment had seemed so very much like one of my friends that I almost felt like crying. "Bera why do you say that?"

Bera dropped her gaze to the floor and took a step back and away from me. Her posture became rigid as if she expected some sort of blow. "It was a mistake, my lady. I did not mean to sully your honor." I blinked in shock.

"No…why would that sully my honor?"

"Bera implied that Jaco and yourself could be more than a guard and the guarded." Runa said glaring at Bera.

"How is that bad?" I asked ignoring the fact that they were talking about Loki…though they didn't know it.

"Jaco is of a lower position than yourself….please forgive me." Bera's voice sounded close to cracking.

"Never!" I gasped. Bera flinched and dropped into a low curtsy. "No! Wait! I didn't mean it like that!" I said rushing over and pulling her into a standing positon. "What I mean is that you didn't do anything wrong. In my culture…well….in my American culture there are no real ranks. I mean…people can have more money than you and we do have classes but that doesn't really affect who dates who." The longer I talked the stupider I felt. "Basically I don't care if someone is below me. I don't care if someone is above me. I mean…we're all human for God's sake….well…..not on Asgard…..you're Asgardian….but…" I took a deep settling breath. "To me everyone here is a person. What job that person has or who has royal blood or not….it doesn't matter. What matters is a person's actions…and who they are. In the end we all end up in the same place." I said after a moment.

"You do not care of our lineage?" Bera asked into the silence my outburst had caused.

I sighed and laced my hands together. "It's not like that." I said slowly and carefully. "Of course it matters who your parents are, because they raised you. But…it doesn't really matter  _all that much_. Who your parents were or where they came from isn't important. The only thing that matters to me is who a person is. Like…your soul." I said placing a hand to my own chest.

"Do you mean to say that actions make a person?" Bera asked. There was no hostility to her voice so at least I had that going for me.

"Not always..." Another sigh escaped me. "People can do horrible things when their upset…or scared…or stressed. When someone has hurt you…" I walked over and perched on the arm of my chair. I tried to ignore the light dusting of Loki's scent. "Odin and Frigga called what I did an act of bravery, but that wasn't it. If people just judged me by my actions I would be a monster. I didn't save the Earth because Earth was in trouble…I saved the Earth because doing so would hurt the person who hurt me. I'm not a hero." I said firmly. "No matter what Odin says."

"I think I understand…" Runa spoke up.

"When I spoke of your taking Jaco's breath away…it was because you kept glancing towards the door. You did not seem aware of the action." Bera said in a very soft voice to me. "And if the dress does not knock the breath out of him your scent surely will." She added with a small smile. "You smell….sweet."

"Sorta like Vanilla." I said. I had smelled it when the water first touched my skin, but now I couldn't smell myself.

"And fresh air." Bera said nodding. I still couldn't believe that this was what I was supposed to naturally smell like. I took in a breath and Loki's scent drifted past. Then again…if this is what  _he_  smelled like…

"Come Bera." Runa said gathering her supplies once more. "We must do our other chores."

"I'm sorry to have kept you." I said to the both of them.

"Do not be." Runa's voice surprised me. I did not expect her to say anything like that. "I enjoyed leaning about your culture. It is an interesting concept. Odd….but interesting." Runa left without another word. Bera gathered her things and sent a small smile my way before leaving. Jaco came inside and shut the door behind him.

As he walked towards me Loki's features fell into place. I tried my best to ignore him, but he stood directly in front of me eyes calculating. Once again his scent washed over me. I tried to hate it…I really did. "You are seated in my chair." He noted after a moment. I slid off of the arm and tucked myself into the actual seat of the chair.

"My room. My chair."

"How can someone with such lofty morals be so petty?" Loki wondered aloud. I stood and glared at him. Loki took a step forwards until there was hardly any space between us. "You're brave for one so small."

"What do you mean 'lofty morals'?" I questioned.

Loki smirked and leaned even closer to me. I refused to move. Once more I found myself becoming calm as I looked into his eyes. "First rule of living in the palace." Loki said softly. I could feel the heat radiating off of him. "The walls have ears." I brought my hands up and pressed against his chest and then pushed. He, of course, didn't move. At all.

"Move." I said breaking away from his gaze. He chuckled and I could feel his chest rumble with the sound. It was the strangest thing, but I could feel his heartbeat. My attention wavered and I found myself staring at my hands in a fascinated way. I could feel each breath that he pulled into his body, and the steady rhythm that kept him alive.

"Bravery." I could feel his voice through his chest. I could feel it like a living thing snaking through my hands and down my arms. What in the hell was wrong with me? "Such a pleasant word for stupidity. Don't you agree?" I closed my eyes and pulled my thoughts back together. I took a deep breath and then pushed again. This time I felt something different…something strange. I pushed harder and felt Loki begin to strain against me. I relaxed and felt his muscles relax underneath my palms. As quickly as I could I pushed again, and Loki stumbled backwards a few inches.

"What?" I said it softly. I stared at my hands. So of course I didn't notice Loki until it was too late. Hands wrapped around my wrists and Loki forcefully moved me to the side before slamming me into the wall. It didn't really hurt…but I found myself shying away from the strange blankness in his eyes. It didn't even seem like he was there. He held my arms above me, and pinned the rest of me in place with his own body. I couldn't move. "Please don't" I gasped. The words were out before I knew it. I sounded panicked…even when I was dying I was sure I didn't sound this scared. The position he had me in was too intimate. It brought out a fear in me that was so pure I felt I would drown in it. This position could only mean two things. I felt fear for my life, and Loki physically jerked as if I had slapped him. He let go of me and backed up his hands spread before him so that I could see he let go. Without him holding me up I slid to the floor. I was hyper aware of my surroundings as adrenaline raced it's way through my system. I was breathing quickly and I felt the need to run. It took everything I had not to move. I wanted to run from him, but I held myself still.

He didn't mean it. It was an instinctual reaction…he was surprised and reacted. I became completely focused on my body. He didn't hurt me. He didn't hurt me. I tried to slow my breathing down. And then he was in front of me. The usual malice that dominated his face was absent. Loki's face was calm, but beneath that….was something I couldn't recognize. He hid it too well. He moved slightly and I felt him take one of my hands. I tried to stop the shaking, but I could see it in his face that he could feel it.

"You're okay." His voice was soft and low. Calming, I realized, he was trying to calm me. "You are not in any danger." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I willed my heart to beat slower, my breaths to even, and my shaking to stop. After a few moments I felt Loki pull me up, and I let him take on some of my weight as I stood. I kept my eyes closed. I focused on breathing. I opened my eyes again and found Loki staring at me. I let go of his hand, and I felt him release me after a moment. My hand lightly hung at my side…strangely warm.

"You were afraid." Loki's voice was even, and no emotion showed on his face. "I could feel it." He said glancing towards his bracer. "Then you feared for your life." There was a flicker of emotion….he looked…..upset. "It seems that the bracer not only forces me to protect you when you are in danger…but when you believe you are in danger as well."

It was then I realized that maybe Loki was suffering from this as much as I was. Not…that I cared. "It was self defense." I said shrugging and moving away from Loki towards the balcony. I kept my eyes on him though…still not comfortable. I shouldn't be comfortable anyways…he killed my father. He was the Jim Moriarty to my Sherlock. Well….I was more like John….I just wasn't Sherlock smart.

"Defending me?" He asked after a moment.

"Reflex."


	12. Chapter Twelve

Days began to pass in a blur that changed over into months. It seemed that I healed as fast as a full blooded Asgardian which of course only made the doctors of the castle extremely interested in me. I refused to let them take my blood. Needles….no. Just no. I could deal with a lot of things…almost being killed, being turned into an alien hybrid thing, being shackled to the man who tried to kill me, and an overbearing king who somehow knew everything I had been doing. I could deal with that. Hell I did deal with that on a daily basis. But not needles. Just…. _no_.

Frigga began to teach me in the ways of magic, and she began to mother me. I wasn't exactly sure when she decided I needed a mother figure, but it was apparent that she was now looking out for me. Which was wonderful….and weird. During my magic lessons when I was off working on a certain aspect of my magic Loki would sit and talk quietly with his mother…it was the first time I had ever seen true affection shine in his eyes. Through careful experimentation Loki and I had discovered that we  _could_  actually be apart for some time…..but not as long as I would like. He could go off for about six hours before we both began to feel violently ill. I found that when not training with Frigga on magic or swordsmanship I was tucking myself away in the library or sitting in the stables. Huginn and Muninn both visited me at different times during the day. My life fell into an almost routine and the things I took for granted like hating Loki…began to falter. I simply couldn't keep up that much hate for so long. I still tried to ignore him, but I found myself cracking jokes and smiling more than I would like. After being separated from your best friend, who thought you were now dead, I was looking for companionship. Not in Loki of course….not at all.

"Dear…" Frigga's voice made me jerk violently. I wasn't quite sure where I had went in my own mind. "Perhaps we should cut the lesson short today?" I glanced to the woman and felt a small smile slip onto my face. Loki was nowhere to be seen.

"Yeah…I don't know what's wrong with me." I said glancing to my hands. I pulled on my magic and felt secretly pleased when a ball of light appeared in between my two hands. I let the ball of light fade and glanced at Frigga.

"You seem to have already mastered today's lesson anyway." Frigga chuckled. I smiled softly and picked my way out of the ballroom that Frigga had dedicated to my training. I found my way back to my room. Well not really my room anymore I thought glancing over Loki's bed which was tucked into a corner of my room. I grabbed a book and wandered about the palace. The guards tended to give me smiles or once overs to make sure that I was okay. Finally in order to get away from everyone I decided to head to the stables.

There was a soft nicker as I entered the stables and I found myself smiling at the rather large black horse as it stuck its head out to greet me. I didn't know the horses name yet, but I didn't really need to know it.

"Hello lovely." I mumbled lightly stroking it's velvet nose. I couldn't help the way I relaxed around this horse. "How was your day?" I mumbled instantly happy when the horse didn't answer me back. This was the only semi-normal place in Asgard that I had found…even though I had never really been around horses back on earth…but it was what I thought a stable would be like should it be on earth. The horse lipped at my fingers and I smiled at the action even if it made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I knew that horses could bite…but this one hadn't….yet. "Do you like being a horse?" I asked in a soft tone. The horse simply stared at me as I ran my fingers down its face. "I bet it's nice. I bet it's simple…not to say in any way that you are a simple creature." One of the horse's ears flicked to the right. "It's more that I bet being a horse you wouldn't have to deal with certain things." I said with a tiny shrug. The horse slightly huffed at me and I smiled. I sat on a small stool nearby and began to read blocking out the world in general.

"You know," I said to the horse after a while, "I think that I miss my phone the most." I didn't need a preamble to what I was saying. It felt like talking to a wall, but at least this wall would look at me and breathed. I could probably find something like that in Asgard some sort of sentient wall. "Not for the reasons you think though." I added. "My phone had all of my music on it." I shut the book and closed my eyes leaning against the wall. "I really miss music." My voice was nothing but a sigh.

"Asgard has music."

I instantly jerked my gaze up to the horse who stared at me from his little pen. "Don't tell me you talk too." I breathed.

"Not quite." I turned to see Loki standing just a little ways from my horse friend's pen his Jaco disguise nonexistent.

I blinked. I could have sworn that it hadn't been six hours yet. "I can never tell in this place." I said glancing back to the horse who's head was now straining towards me. I held out my hand and the horse began to lip and my hand, he chuffed slightly against my hand. Maybe he wanted an apple or something. I made a mental note to bring him one the next time I visited him.

"You miss music." He stated. I kept my face neutral as I considered his words. Loki hadn't really taken an interest in me other than the night I figured out that I had enhanced strength. It had been months since then so why was he suddenly talking to me now?

"I love music." I said in explanation. "I love it with all of me." I shrugged and glanced back to my horse. A new hand reached out and touched the horse's face.

"Asgard has music." Loki stated once more.

"Does this have to do with the…" I glanced down to the bracer on my arm. I had gotten used to it, and somehow the bracer never acquired scratches. I glanced up but Loki's gaze was still on my bracer.

"No." Loki said suddenly looking dark. His eyes got the strange cold sheen to them that I remembered from the first time I saw him on Earth. "Perhaps I am tiring of your constant moping." The jab stung a bit, but I honestly lacked the anger to fight with him.

"I'll try to mope in private." I said getting up and walking out of the stables. Loki didn't follow me.

I wasn't sure how long I wandered but suddenly something felt  _off_. I wasn't sure what it was but I felt on edge. I had been walking in the gardens, and I was pretty sure I had a sunburn, but suddenly every sound made me want to cringe. There was a slight snapping sound and I twisted towards the sound frightened, but it only turned out to be a bird taking flight. I was surrounded by trees and I leaned against a hand to my chest. I berated myself for being stupid. There was another snap and I glanced up only to feel my entire body go cold.

It was another alien….a Chitauri. I didn't think I only ducked as it leveled a weapon at me and fired. Frigga's lessons were apparently paying off the action felt perfectly natural. I could smell charred wood, but I didn't turn to look at what the gun did to the tree. I moved towards the Chitauri trying to get in close so it couldn't use it's weapon. I heard the charging sound and dove to the side just as something searingly hot passed by my skin. It sorta hurt but I was already up and on my feet trying to plow into the assassin. I had to get the gun away.

I slammed into its body, and instantly felt more pain. Whatever the Chitauri was made of it was not the squishy sorta human stuff I was made of. It was moving instantly slamming its free arm into my ribs. I couldn't breathe. It's blow hurt worse than when I slammed into it.

"What are you made of?" I hissed at it slamming my elbow into it's chest. That caused more pain, but the Chitauri made a sound that I attributed to pain so it was totally worth it. I dodged the arm that had hit me before only to have something heavy and hard slam into my back.

Oh….I forgot the gun.

There was blinding pain this time, but I was ducking and rolling away. Frigga's lessons were really helping. I half wanted to throw my hand out and try to blast the Chitauri like before….but Frigga had said that was a lucky shot. If I just let my magic out like that anything could happen. I could even kill myself. Another charging sound. Another shot. I dove to the ground again. The pain was getting worse. I wanted nothing more than to curl up or at least to not have to slam myself to the ground again. That couldn't be helping. I tried to get to my feet, another charging sound, but I slipped. I turned to look at the blue light that the assassin's gun made as it leveled it at me. Something suddenly pushed me. A wall of energy shoved me easily to the side. I hit the bottom of a tree, but at least it wasn't the shot that had taken a chunk out of the ground where I had been. The ground was scorched. There was a flash, and I looked towards the Chitauri to see a dagger protruding from its chest. It made the odd pain sound again and lifted its weapon, only to have another glowing daggers slam into its gun arm. The gun hit the ground with a dull thud. I reached my hand out and tugged on my magic. It rushed to the surface. I didn't quite know how to do it but I decided that it was worth a try. I focused on the gun, and  _pulled_. The Chitauri had reached down with its uninjured arm just as the gun slid into my open hand. Loki was suddenly fighting the assassin. It didn't take long. Loki somehow got behind him and with a sharp twist he broke its neck. I glanced back down at the gun in my hand. There was blood on it. Both mine and its. I slowly connected the fact that my blood on it meant my back now had a cut. Not that I would have noticed with all of the pain rushing through my body.

There were hands on me now. I tried to rip myself away but only ended up hitting the tree. There was a small intake of breath as a wave of pain slammed through me. I had the gun up and pointed at towards the thing instantly. I let it drop when I recognized Loki. He was staring at me. I pulled myself up ignoring the horribleness that was moving. His last comment fluttered through my mind. Oh…breathing even hurt. I shouldn't have taken in such a deep breath. I'm not sure how I missed Loki reaching out for me, but his hands were suddenly pulling me towards him. I moved with the motion but it hurt.  _Everything_  hurt I shouldn't have been surprised.

The world suddenly moved, blurred by and I found myself cradled to Loki's chest as he began to glide towards the palace. Glide was the word because he didn't jolt me at all. "I'm fine just let me down." My voice had almost no volume. I would have to breathe deeper if I wanted any sort of volume, and I didn't really feel like it.

"You're injured." Loki said glancing down at me.

"Tis but a scratch." I referenced  _Monty Python_  instantly. I couldn't help it Stef, my best friend back on Earth, and I used to say that any time we got hurt.

"Did you hit your head as well?" I could feel the slight chuckle that was in his voice.

"It's a quote you uncultured swine." I weakly joked. It really did hurt to breathe, and my back was in pain as well. I let my head rest on Loki's chest, and I felt his step falter for just a moment. He continued on with his odd glide of a walk. "You're supposed to say 'A scratch? Your arm's off!'." I added after a minute.

We were in the palace and I felt a bit of magic wash over me for a moment. When I glanced up it was Jaco's forgettable face that glanced down at me. I closed my eyes. There were gasps and then someone else was grabbing me. Their gate was not so smooth and it jostled my wounds making me want to cry out. I didn't of course. I was quickly placed on something hard and slightly cold. I kept my eyes closed there was no need to look at the people.

I could hear the nurses mumbling to themselves. I caught a small bit of conversation that sounded like 'broken ribs' and I suddenly understood why it was so hard to breathe. They flipped me over and I was intensely glad that Frigga allowed me to wear shirts and pants to train in magic and fighting. My shirt was cut open in the back, and I heard a few gasps and a low growl. I wondered if it looked worse than it hurt. I heard the word stitches.

"No." I said fear racing through me. Stitches meant a needle. No. "No stitches." I said my tone breathy.

"We must, my Lady." A woman told me. "It cannot heal properly without them."

"What's the point of being Asgardian if I can't heal one little scratch!" I was paniced. I opened my eyes but I could only see the table.

A hand found mine and I turned my head to see Jaco crouched beside me eyes locked on my own. "A scratch?" His voice was low but it was not the forgettable voice of Jaco. His face changed the smallest bit and I found myself looking into Loki's eyes. Everything else was Jaco, but his eyes were there. "Your arm's off."

"Not funny." I growled at him.

"How is it you can face a Chitauri who wants to kill you, get injured in the process, and then make a joke afterwards but this makes you scared?"

I could feel them moving over my back. I felt my breathing pick up, and it hurt to do so. "I don't do needles. I can't." Panic was rising. I couldn't stop the fear it was like a tidal wave. I had the urge to get up and run. Or fight them. Either way was good. I felt like I couldn't breathe but my side told me that I was over breathing in fact. Loki's hand tightened and I could tell that his entire body was taunt.

"Calm down." He said lowly.

I couldn't. Not when I could feel them getting ready to put a needle in my skin. They began to clean the wound and I jerked so badly that I cried out. I tweaked my ribs. Loki began to breathe faster and he looked like he was gritting his teeth. I couldn't think past the terror. I wasn't just afraid of needles I had a phobia. I knew it was illogical, but when they were near me…. I felt like crying, in fact I could feel the tears threatening to fall. I felt them stop cleaning and they pulled the edges of the skin together. It hurt, but the terror was worse. Tears began to fall. I wasn't embarrassed I would have to have room for another emotion. I didn't.

"Lillith." I focused on Loki for a moment. Then I felt the needle pierce my skin. I was nothing but pure terror. Loki made a low sound like he was straining against something. "You're okay." Suddenly he was touching my face. His fingers glided over my skin almost like he was trying to memorize the shape. "You're fine." He said breathing heavily all of his muscles bunching up. The illusion of Jaco was wavering and Loki's true form was starting to peak out from it. The needle kept going through my skin, but the jarring contrast of Loki's tracing my face made the terror lessen the smallest bit. One hand moved into my hair and knotted there. I could feel something within me still at that motion, as if it was waiting for something. I focused more on Loki and his eyes once again became a sort of safe haven. I tried to read the emotions there. To do anything but focus on what was happening to my back.

His illusion was suddenly stable again. He kept tracing my face his eyes locked on my own. I don't know how long we stayed like that, but I felt the Doctor move away and with the Doctor moving so did Loki. I shivered more tears leaking out. I felt empty hollowed out from the terror. Someone was pressing something to my hand. I tuned in.

"My Lady you must take this for the pain." One of the women said. I glanced at the small vial for a moment before taking it like a shot. It tasted about as bad as a shot. "Your ribs are broken. It will take you about 4 to 5 days to heal them. You must breathe normally. Thankfully it didn't puncture your lungs, but it will be painful for a few days. Your guard Jaco will bring you this potion every twelve hours. You should rest in your bed for at least today and tomorrow."

"How do you know it didn't puncture anything?" I asked looking at the woman. She pointed up. I looked to see a strange diagram that was the inside of my body made out of floating lights. I couldn't help but utter a soft wow. I slowly turned and let myself lay face up eyes cast to the picture of me. My back ached horribly with the motion. After a few minutes I felt gentle hands pull me up. I already felt the effects of whatever it was they gave me. The pain was less now, and the chest I was pulled against was warm. I found myself drifting off before we cleared the door.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

There was a woman. She had soft looking brown hair and creamy skin that seemed utterly flawless. Her eyes though…the whites were black and her irises were an icy blue that did not look human. I knew deep down that she was human though. She reached towards me her mouth parted slightly as if she was in awe of what was happening…or maybe she was terrified. Something red pulsed under her skin and I was suddenly afraid to touch her. I tried to pull away but there was no use, her hand grabbed mine, and I felt something move into my skin. The scene shattered apart and broke into strange flashes of time.

There was a wall of golden light. I watched as it crumbled. There was a boat on fire. I was on a ship charging towards a mountain. I couldn't breathe. A new face stared at me, his icy blue eyes familiar. I screamed and tried to run. I was dragged skywards by something writhing under my skin. I could feel darkness…..oh the terrible darkness.

I screamed as I woke which quickly turned into me clawing my bed when the pain of the action hit me. Colors were swirling around me crashing into each other. Silver was the most abundant but there were tendrils of green and gold that writhed with the silver. I calmed myself down and called to my magic. The silver responded first slowing its movement, then the gold, and then the green. They slowly merged back into each other until the colors faded and the power that I had somehow called in my sleep was gone. Loki was standing near the edge of my bed, the gauze pulled back as he looked at me. I took a deep breath but winced as I did so. How could breathing hurt this much?

"You've never screamed before." Loki began. He looked like some sort of large cat at the moment. He looked peaceful, but the sharp gleam of his eyes reminded me that he was, in fact, dangerous. "In all this time, and all of the nightmares you've had you never screamed."

"How do you know that I had nightmares?" I asked narrowing my eyes. He smirked.

"There has to be a reason you bolt upright in the middle of the night. You usually go and stand outside and watch the city until you seem calm enough to come back inside. You probably thought you were clever about it too."

I frowned. He was right of course. I did have nightmares a lot, almost constantly since I came to Asgard, but I had thought other than that first night that I had kept Loki from waking up when I wandered outside to catch my breath. Loki chuckled at my expression. I tried to recall what had been so scary about my dream, but it was already gone from my mind. I couldn't remember a single detail and for some reason that bothered me. "I would have never guessed you paid attention." I said but the malice I wanted to drip from my voice didn't come. I sounded tired; which I was.

Loki simply watched me for a long moment. I didn't want to see the hate and malice there. I closed my eyes and set myself on ignoring everything. The bed moved the slightest bit and I cracked my eyes open again to see Loki sitting quite near me.

"Take this." He said holding out a small white vial to me. He smirked when my distaste of the liquid rolled across my features. I sighed softly and lightly plucked the vial from Loki's deft fingers. I took the medicine like a shot and handed the empty vial back to Loki. I expected Loki to leave then but he didn't.

The medicine took its effect and I felt the room start to darken at the edges of my vision. My consciousness was failing quickly. There was movement and I felt Loki's hand suddenly rest softly against the side of my face. I tried to open my eyes….when had they shut? There was a wash of magic that circled my head and then raced down the entirety of my body leaving a strange buzzing in it's wake. I tried to demand Loki tell me what he did…instead the darkness claimed me.

I should wake up. The thought drifted through my head and I knew at once that it was not mine. The medicine I took should be wearing off anyways. The alien thought was right, of course. I could feel myself soaring towards consciousness. I opened my eyes and glared at Huginn who was perched on my stomach. Huginn was glad I was awake. The thought almost felt smug and I jostled myself a bit which caused a sharp pain the tear through my side. Huginn ruffled his feathers but made no move to leave my stomach. I sighed.

"Can I help you?" Talking still hurt but not as horribly as it had before. Huginn simply wanted to check on my well-being. I couldn't help but scoff at that. "You do realize that I'll get better faster if I sleep more?" Huginn was aware of that fact. He dug his claws a bit more into my stomach before hopping forwards a bit. He stayed carefully away from the side of me that had been hurt. I should eat before I sleep again. I raised my eyebrows at his statement.

I should have noticed that Asgardians tend to eat a lot. Huginn stared at me for a moment so I indulged him with a small nod of agreement. There is a reason that they do so. In order to keep up with a high metabolism they need more food than humans. I nodded again. It made sense actually.

"Okay so…you want me to eat so I can heal faster?" I asked after a minute of silence from his strange way of communication. Yes Huginn did. "Small hitch," I said giving him a smirk that would have done Loki proud, "I can't exactly go and get food for myself in this state. It's sort of a catch 22."

Ask Loki.

I stared at the bird for a few minutes. "Have you been hit in the head lately?" Huginn was offended. "I'm sorry let me put this in gentler terms. Loki does not like me. Loki is forced to be around me most of the time. Asking him will not help. He won't. End of story."

I had too little faith in my guardian. "Seeing as my 'guardian' is unwilling I would say I have a pretty fair reason not to trust him." If I would not ask Loki….then Huginn would. I gasped at the bird. "You wouldn't dare." I hissed. Huginn would. I tried to sit up and found myself gasping for breath as pain struck me like lightning. "I'd rather go get the food myself." I spat through gritted teeth. There was no input from Huginn. My head was silent, well not really silent, as he stared me down. "I will not be pushed around by a bird." I should tell Loki.

I forced my feet over the side of the bed and sat for a moment trying my best to cling to consciousness as wave after wave of pain rolled over me. I should lie down. I was going to hurt myself. Huginn's 'voice' had become more panicked….almost forceful in their arrival.

I pushed to my feet and swayed for a moment. Huginn had been knocked off of his perch and I could hear his angry fluttering before there was a sharp feeling of claws on my shoulder. I needed to sit back down now.

"Not a chance." I muttered through grit teeth. The ache actually wasn't so bad now that I was up. I took a few steps and tried to breathe less. Somehow I managed to work my way to the kitchens. I grinned towards Huginn but the bird was gone.

"When did you leave?" I wondered aloud my body still ringing with pain. Despite the pain I felt almost…giddy.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

"What in all the nine realms are you doing?" A voice answered my previous question, and for the smallest moment I wondered if Huginn had been holding out on me and could actually speak this entire time. I turned towards the sound but green eyes met my own instead of Huginn's.

"I was getting food…." I answered trying to stop myself from swaying. It was fine to show the pain when it was just Huginn, but with Loki it was completely different. There was a small clack and that was when I noticed a certain bird perched on Loki's shoulder. "Traitor," I hissed at Huginn. He clacked his beak at me once more and I glared at him with all I could muster.

Loki made a small sound of displeasure which brought my attention back to him. He watched with an impassive face, but as usual something lurked underneath. It was then I realized that he was not disguised as Jaco.

"You look like you." I stated.

"You dazzle me with yet another astounding show of your wit," he said sarcasm dripping off of his voice.

"You know what I mean you ass." I automatically shot back. Was I going insane or did I notice a flash of amusement on Loki's face.

Loki took a few steps forwards his eyes scanning my face. "Forgive my carelessness." He somehow made the apology sound like he was mocking me. He had quite a talent for being unpleasant. "Imagine my surprise when I found myself looking for you. Needing to find you…because you were in pain. It is not something I can control," he added eyes narrowed. "And then your feathered friend here tells me of your reckless actions. Why must you be so dull-witted?"

The anger and loneliness of my time in Asgard came rushing forwards. "My reckless actions?" I took my own step forwards. "You couldn't be nice to me just one damn day?" I had never really yelled at Loki, I never really took it out on him. I usually just ignored him, but for some reason I couldn't swallow my anger….not this time. "You speak of being treated unjustly by your parents and yet you don't seem to shy away from giving abuse. I thought maybe you had some sort of hope. That maybe you were blinded by hatred and-" I stopped myself. I had, though the several months of being forced into contact with Loki, convinced myself that he was good deep down. That he cared. Not about me, of course, but about something. "I thought you weren't bad."

"What?" Loki's voice was subzero.

"I thought that maybe you weren't the villain. That maybe I shouldn't hate you for what you did. I thought you could be a decent person. That you had some sort of humanity."

"I am not some filthy human." Loki sneered.

I couldn't help the disappointment that surged through my veins. I wanted so badly for him not to be what he seemed. I thought that I had started to see past the façade that he constantly kept up. All of the small moments where he didn't hurt my feelings flashed through my mind. All of the small moments where he didn't seem quite as bad. I was suddenly tired, as if lead had poured through my body.

"No, you're not." I began to walk, and this time the pain wasn't that much of a bother. I could focus on it, and not the roaring in my head. "You're nothing but a spoiled misguided child who believed that he could be a king. You, who throws a tantrum every time the world is not handed to you on a silver platter, are not worthy of having humanity. You're a monster." I tried to push past Loki, and found myself being spun to face him. There was the ache of my ribs but a new pain made itself known to me. My back felt taunt and a new ache spread.

Oh that was right…I had a cut on my back. I looked to Loki and found a dark fury in his eyes that I only had fuzzy memories of. For a moment I saw him with his armor, a scepter in hand, watching me with an amused and distant look. Then I was back in the kitchen.

"How dare you speak to me in such a way?" Loki's voice was nothing but a growl. He was suddenly holding me by my upper arms. I glared at him even though fear had begun to take root in my stomach.

"Someone had to tell you the truth." I spat. The anger was unreal. I hated him, but not for the reasons I should. "Not that you care," I hissed. "Let go of me."

Loki watched me his hands never leaving my arms. "The truth?" He sounded so…quiet. I felt goose bumps creep down my arms and up my neck. "You know nothing of the truth."

I gathered my magic and tried to push Loki away, he easily knocked the attempt aside with his own magic. It was so easy for him, it was like breathing. "I don't care anymore." I whispered. "I'm done." Done with all of this. Done with Asgard, done with a life filled with people who only tolerated me, and done with being a prisoner. I was done. "Let me go."

Loki's grip only got tighter. "What do you mean?"

"I'm done with this!" I growled back. "I'm done with this stupid place. Done with magic. Done with Odin. And I am done with you." I let my gaze drop. "I'm done. Now let me go."

"You'll give up? Just like that?"

I didn't' say anything. I didn't have to. I wasn't willing to fight for what I was anymore. Why would I fight for an existence that held nothing for me?

"You surprise me." His voice was soft and mocking. And I hated him even more in reveling in my defeat. I didn't care, I told myself. It didn't matter. "After fighting so hard to survive?"

"It's hard to fight when no one cares about you." I pulled against his hold. He merely stepped with me. "Just let go, Loki." I took another step, and he followed. For some reason it reminded me of dancing. "I know you don't care. Just let me go. I'll go back to bed you won't have to worry about me." Another step, but this time he tugged me the slightest bit. I realized a moment after that he was saving me from the impact of hitting the wall. But why?

"So you've given up. You don't care what happens?" He narrowed his eyes. "No news to make you feel better?"

"Loki-"

"What about my brother's return?" He said softly. I couldn't help the sudden widening of my eyes. Thor, one of my few friends, was coming back? Loki smirked slightly. "Ah, that got your attention." But something else had caught my attention. How close we were. Loki usually kept his distance from me, and I kept my distance from him. My heart fluttered and I hated that it did. I shouldn't want Loki…I knew I should hate him. He was the cause of everything that was wrong in my life. But I couldn't ignore it anymore. I was attracted to Loki. Both physically and mentally.

Loki had been staring at me as I came to this conclusion. "You're not a monster." The words slipped out before I could think. His eyebrows raised a fraction. "You're not a good guy, but you're not a monster."

"That is where you are wrong." He said a strange light entering his eyes. "I  _am_  the monster that parents tell their children about at night."

"No. You're not." Loki stepped the smallest bit closer.

His eyes were the same strange green that I had never seen on another person. "And how did you come to this conclusion?" He asked a sort of smug and sad confidence in his voice.

For a moment I wondered if I could come up with something that he could not explain away with the bracer's curse. Then I thought back, and I realized. "The last time I slept. I've always had nightmares. I didn't. It was the first good sleep I've had since arriving here."

"And?"

"It was you. You did something." I reached up without thinking and touched where he had placed his hand. "I remember magic…" I closed my eyes trying to draw forward the fuzzy memory. "It was you I know it was. You didn't have to but-"

My words suddenly stuck in my throat and fingers lightly touched the side of my face. Loki's fingers had deftly moved between the spaces of my own fingers to touch my temple. I opened my eyes, and for the first time I saw Loki's façade begin to crumble. His gaze had followed his hand, but they flickered back to my eyes now. He didn't look angry, or plotting something. He was stunning.

"-you did." I breathed. Loki leaned forwards the smallest bit. "I just wanted to thank you…and…" Loki was even closer now, I could see the true color of his eyes this close. So many different greens twining together to make something incredible. His eyes were dilated, and he seemed to be studying me as much as I was studying him.

What was I doing? The situation crashed down upon me. I started to move away, but Loki caught me first. He had closed the gap between us. He kissed me and it affected me more than any kiss before it. My hand dropped from my face to curl around the back of his neck. He pulled back the smallest bit and I couldn't help the shocked look that crossed my face. Loki had kissed me.

It was as if everything had ground to a stop. Time itself held its breath as we stared at each other. When we kissed again I wasn't quite sure if he had kissed me or if I had kissed him. And honestly…I didn't care.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Since the first day that I woke up in Asgard I had decided that thinking back to my friends or my past was only going to cause me pain that I honestly didn’t need. As if thinking about my past would somehow make what I had lost that much more real to me. I had slipped at times but for the most part I was successful at keeping my past behind me. Living in the moment was quite hard when I had so much downtime. Over the course of my life I had only had one kiss that truly stole my breath away. I had been with my best friend. My old best friend, Taylor, was about to move. We didn’t really talk about it. Much like my own mindset here in Asgard we felt that talking about it would somehow make it more real. Taylor was going to leave the next morning so we decided for our last moments together we were going to lay and watch the stars. We both agreed it was very poetic.

Taylor and I spoke of the good times we had together and the stupid stunts we used to pull. What was louder than our reminiscing, though, was the blatant fact that everything we had was coming to an end. There was a moment when we had looked at each other and we knew that it was time to leave, and then without warning Taylor kissed me. It stole my breath, and Taylor left before I could say anything about it. The only kiss to steal my breath and I wasn’t even sure I wanted it. After a long time of thinking about it I decided that I did want to kiss Taylor, but it was too late by then. Taylor left and I never saw her again.

This kiss blew that kiss out of the water. It was as if I could finally breathe after years of being starved for air. It was over too soon. And when the situation hit me it had not ended fast enough. He kissed me….I kissed _him_. And I had no idea where to go from this point.

Loki was watching my reaction with those extremely green eyes. Honestly I didn’t know how to react.

“Did we just?” Talking seemed so irrelevant. His fingers lightly skimmed my cheek and I couldn’t help my reaction to that small movement. He leaned in the smallest bit and I flinched. It was then I realized that despite the earthshattering moment my ribs were in fact still broken. The hand that had been lightly touching my face disappeared.

“You need rest.” Loki said glancing sharply at the bird still on his shoulder. “After she gets into bed.” He growled impatiently at Huginn. Loki then lightly guided me back to my room. My head was spinning too much for me to protest much. One moment I was walking and the next I was laying in my bed.

Loki had kissed me and I kissed him back. The phrase rang in my head. I closed my eyes and I could almost feel the ghost of the kiss brush across my lips. I had never really kissed people….honestly I never felt the need to because I was never close enough to someone.

“Lillith?” I opened my eyes and found Loki watching me holding out a small plate of bread and cheese. I reached out and tentatively took the plate. Huginn fluttered from Loki’s shoulder to my own. I should eat. I glanced to Huginn a exasperated face already in place.

“Really?” I sighed already taking a piece of bread and placing a piece of cheese on top of it. “You worry more than Marissa.” I took a bite. Huginn had never heard that name before. I raised my eyebrows at him. A strange aura suddenly shifted around Huginn and then just like that it was gone. Marissa, my friend. Strangely stubborn. I simply stared at Huginn. “How on earth would you know that?” I asked, but Huginn would not answer.

“It is strange to hear a conversation from one side.” Loki said closer than I had expected. He had sat on the end of my bed.

“You know about as much as I do.” I said to him instantly falling into our normal banter. For a moment I wondered if I had only hallucinated the kiss. I had not. I glanced at Huginn. It was very difficult for me to speak to Huginn without speaking aloud. My thoughts tended to wander and shift. I glanced back towards Loki and he seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. I finished the bread and cheese while Huginn kept up a constant stream of strange conversations.

“I’m not sure if just having wings would work.” I answered almost laughing. Loki, who had until this point seemed troubled and far away mentally, suddenly glanced up at me as if he had come to some sort of conclusion. I decided for the sake of my sanity not to worry about it and continue my discussion with Huginn. Why would it not work? Huginn had taken to sitting on my lap as he conversed with me he hopped from one knee to the other. “We’re too heavy. If humans wanted to fly we would need something more than just wings. Should we have hollow bones like yours then I don’t know maybe…given the right circumstances.”

“Humans have found ways to fly.” Loki told Huginn sliding into the conversation as if he had been listening all along. I really doubted that he was, but Loki was adaptable like that. Huginn fluttered over and landed on his knee. He raised his eyebrow at him. They stayed like that for a few minutes. I snickered to myself. This must be what it was like to be a third wheel…without the romance. And of course Loki could speak to Huginn without speaking aloud.

“You need this.” Loki said holding out the vial of my medicine. I instantly did not want to take it. I didn’t want the medicine to cloud my mind and pull me under. I was tired of sleeping. I couldn’t help but stare at it. “Lillith-“

“Lilly.” I corrected him. He blinked and I almost wanted to smile smugly at him. I had somehow surprised him. “That’s what my friends call me so…”

“Lilly.” Loki said after a moment. “You have to take this. Your body needs to sleep in order to heal. You must be strong for tomorrow.” I reached out lightly taking the vial between my fingers. It was cold. I took a deep breath and downed the contents before I could think about the action too much. “This is the last time you have to.”

“I hope so.” I said waiting for the drug to take effect. There was a small fluttering sound that I assumed was Huginn leaving. The world began to blur and I tried my best to fight against it, but I knew it was a fruitless fight. Loki was suddenly in my field of vision I tried my best to focus on him. His face through sheer force of will became clear for a moment. He leaned forwards and I felt magic course through my body and he pressed a light kiss to my forehead. I understood this time what he was doing.

“Thank you.” My words were slurred. I lost myself just after I saw Loki take a breath to answer.

 


	16. Chapter Sixteen

You’re going to wake her.” A familiar voice fussed. “You remember what Jaco said!”

“Not really,” a different but still familiar voice countered, “I can hardly remember what the man looks like.” The voice was warm and full of laughter. “He did keep us from the Lady while she was ill. We should have been here for her.” The voice fretted. Something seemed off about the voice spoke, as if there was a rage that was boiling just under the surface.

“You know as well as I do that she will not blame us.” The first voice was softer as if reminding the second to be quiet. I let my eyes flutter open, and I instantly knew who the two voices were. Bera was setting out a rather beautiful silver dress while Runa had just finished making Loki’s bed and was pushing open the balcony doors to let the breeze in.

“Your mother was certainly right about fresh air.” I couldn’t help but grin when both Runa and Bera jumped at my voice.

“My Lady!” Runa was at my side in an instant. “Oh, we were so worried about you! When I heard that you were attacked…” She trailed off looking quite distressed. I reached out and lightly touched her arm.

“I’m fine.” I told her earnestly. The ache of my side was hardly there anymore. I mean, it still hurt but it was like a two when it used to be a seven or an eight. I pushed myself up and I couldn’t help but marvel over the lack of a horrible pain response. I really did heal like an Asgardian. It was a strange thought to have.

Runa moved away from the bed when I began to move so I slowly and carefully pulled myself from underneath the covers and stood up. Unlike the day before or at least the last long sleep ago my side did not flare into agony when my weight settled. I took a few steps but there was no change in my side. I slowly let my arms drift above my head and I stretched, but other than a small twinge there was nothing. It suddenly occurred to me that my back, which had been bad enough to need stiches did not hurt in the slightest. Nothing even pulled when I had stretched. I slowly crossed the room, fully aware that the eyes of both Runa and Bera were on me, and I turned my back to the mirror. I glanced over my shoulder pulling my hair out of the way. There was a slight silver line and a few leftover stiches that were still being absorbed into my skin.  It was surreal and for a moment my mind wanted to tell me that everything that had happened up until this point was some sort of fever dream that my dying mind had come up with. That made more sense than this world.

“My Lady…” Bera’s soft voice worked its way through my thoughts. “You seem distressed.” Warm hands moved me to sit in front of the mirror. I sighed and pressed my head into my hands.

“I am….in a way.” I answered truthfully. There was a tiny click behind me, but I decided not to investigate.

“I thought that you of all people would be in high spirits today.” Runa interjected. I turned slightly to look at Runa. I raised my eyebrows fractionally but she had been near me enough to understand. “Well….when I heard the news that Prince Thor had returned I assumed you would be pleased.”

Thor had returned? My mind instantly flashed to the moments before Loki had kissed me...how he had caught my attention. He had mentioned his bother coming home….but I was sure that it had been a ploy to get some sort of response.

“How long have I been healing?” I asked rolling my shoulders. The nurses…doctors….healers maybe? The healers had said that I was to spend at least two days in bed but it was going to be four or five before I was fully healed. I wondered, vaguely, how long the medicine they gave me kept me under.

“We have not seen you for four days, my Lady.” Bera said walking over to my chair. She had already laid out a rather beautiful knee length silver dress. “Prince Thor, almost directly after he arrived, came to see you.” Bera sent a small smile my way. “I think he was worried about you. Jaco sent him away saying he could see you when you woke.”

Jaco had sent him away? I instantly wondered if Thor knew who _Jaco_ really was. Or if he was as much in the dark as everyone else was. Should I even ask him about it? I sighed and dropped the topic for the moment.

“Did you not know?” Runa was at my side watching me worriedly. I tried my best to summon up a convincing and reassuring smile. From Runa’s reaction I failed. Miserably. Bera, ever the rock of the room, simply pulled me up onto my feet and began to pull me into the silver dress.

“Jaco said you slept most of the time we were barred from your room.” Bera said tugging and pulling on the lace that was the upper back of the dress.  I turned slightly towards her but she firmly made me look straight again.

“You were _barred_ from my room?”

“Oh yes, my Lady.” Runa said to my side. She was still at the mirror setting out some basic makeups and hair things. Bera firmly made me look straight again. “Jaco was quite adamant about no one bothering you as you healed. I’ve never been so scared in my life.” Runa mumbled the last part.

“Now don’t go exaggerating things, Runa.” Bera chastened.

“I’m not!” There was a rather sharp sound of a glass being set down. “You know as well as I do that he scared us.” Bera lightly tapped my back indicating that she was done tying up my dress, so I instantly turned to watch Runa. She was angrily pushing a strand of her light gold hair back into its place in her normal bun. “There’s something not right about that man. He’s hiding something!”

“Runa.” I couldn’t help the small gasp. She turned to me instantly. “Do not say such things. Jaco has been a good guard. Yes, he’s a bit strange, but he saved me from the assassin.”

“You did not see him the way we did, my Lady. I’ve only seen a man look like that once before.” She said clasping her hands in front of her. I knew that she only did that when she was nervous or extremely emotional. I had been around them enough to know their little quirks.

“Runa.” Bera’s voice was calm, but there was an undercurrent of warning.

Runa’s eyes flashed with defiance. “The Disgraced Prince.” She spat. “The only other man I had ever been afraid of like that was the Disgraced Prince Loki.”

I froze for a moment my eyes locked on Runa. Her usually warm face was now flushed with anger and some other emotion I couldn’t quite place. It wasn’t hatred…it was more disgust. “Jaco is my guard, Runa.” I began trying to muster some sort of strength in my voice. “Perhaps he was worried about me?”

“What?” Runa seemed to be thrown off track by my comment.

“Well, it was his job to guard me from harm.” I began slowly. “He was given to me so that I would not be harmed again. I think he felt guilty.” Once I began it was almost too easy to continue. “I had just seen him, if you didn’t know, and he had just taken his break when I got hurt. I think Jaco felt guilty that he wasn’t there to save me from harm. So he decided to take care of me himself….to make up for it.” I took a few steps towards the flushed woman. “He probably snapped at you because he was worried about me.”

There were a few beats where nothing happened and then somehow Runa began to nod as if she understood. “I suppose I shouldn’t have been so hard on him. He was probably worried out of his mind.” She said slowly. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you…when he thinks you can’t see.” She mumbled.

“The way he looks at me?” I said glancing to Bera waiting for her to contradict Runa as she often did. Bera met my eyes and a small knowing smile played about the corners of her mouth. She went back to making my bed.

“He thinks he’s so clever about it.” Runa laughed, it was perilously close to a smirk.

I couldn’t help but to throw a smirk of my own. “He always thinks he’s clever.” I didn’t mention the fact that most of the time he was.

“Well when I first saw him with you he looked as if he despised you.” Runa said guiding me to sit in front of the mirror. She began to brush my hair which was fraught with tangles. “I honestly wondered how he could guard you when he looked like he wanted to off you himself. I think you may have noticed because after that first night you seemed to dislike him as much as he disliked you.” She laughed working on a rather stubborn knot. “And then something changed.” She breathed the words as if she had somehow witnessed a miracle. All of her earlier anger had been washed away, as if the thought of him getting protective over me excused his actions.

“How do you know any of this?” Runa laughed but it was Bera who answered me.

“Never underestimate the maids, my dear.” She walked back to the chair and pulled out two silver flats that I knew I would have to wear before I left the room. “We’ve uncovered more secrets than the king’s spies. You wish to know something? Ask the maids.”

“Both of you shush,” Runa said finally getting the knot free, “I’m telling a story.” I watched Runa in the mirror and she brushed my hair thoughtfully a few times before continuing. “And then…something changed. At first I thought it was because you were not mourning Prince Thor’s departure, but I realized that he started to look at you differently when you began to read. He found you one day, coming to check on you, but you were so enthralled in a book that you didn’t notice him. I can see why he would have changed his mind then,” Runa said smiling softly down at my head, “you are quite stunning when you read.”

“Stunning?” I deadpanned.

“Have you ever seen an artist at work?” Bera asked stepping beside Runa. They both began to style my hair, working in tandem with an ease that I still marveled over.

I smiled. “I’m watching two right now.” A sharp tap on my shoulder was the only acknowledgement of my speaking. Runa looked like she was blushing.

“There comes a moment when an artist is so involved with his work that they find some sort of serene peace.” Bera said looking thoughtful. “They become radiant with the art that they are channeling. When you read,” Bera said catching my eye in the mirror, “you become radiant.”

“When Jaco saw you in such a state all of the anger that was in his face melted. He watched you for a good while. You were not aware of anything outside of turning the pages of your book. He left you alone and sat a little ways away with his own book.” Runa said her fingers flying. A tiny smile graced her features. “He watched you more than the book.”

“I have a feeling you practiced this story.”

Runa tugged my hair slightly and shushed me. “Do you want to hear the rest or not?” Runa made a small satisfied sound and both the pairs of hands pulled away from my hair. I couldn’t help but smile at the complex mass of braids that they had fashioned my hair into.

“Perhaps you should give her the shortened version,” Bera said already beginning to add makeup to my face. Bera was the quickest with makeup and already she had covered up my freckles and had given my appearance a smooth look.

“I think Jaco has feelings for you.” The reply was flat. “That short enough for the two of you? I swear, romance is a foreign concept to you both!” She mumbled rather forcefully.

“You can teach me in the ways of romance after I got and see Thor.” I chuckled. Runa nodded to herself. Bera quickly finished my makeup and I glanced at myself in the mirror. They had made me into a masterpiece…again. They were a bit too good at it honestly. 

There was a small knock on the door. “Lord Thor wishes an audience with Lady Lillith.” Jaco’s voice floated easily through the door. I blinked.

“Granted.”

 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

“Lady Lillith!” Thor was across the room in an instant. He kneeled at my side the worry evident in his eyes. “They say you were injured.” It was strange, I thought, to see Thor’s face after all of this time. Though it had only been months since I had seen him he looked different. He looked more troubled than when they had first met. I wondered how hard bringing order had been. He reached out and took my hand the middle of his forehead creasing when I did not respond right away.

“I’m fine, Prince Thor.” I reassured him. He was not satisfied by my answer. I could see it in the way his shoulder set. It was something that I had learned to read in my short time with him. He had been at my side trying to help me those first few weeks as I started to learn of Asgard. I felt like a completely different person than the one he tried to comfort. “I mean it.” I added trying to summon up a convincing smile.

“Lies are not becoming of you, my Lady.” He spoke softly. I couldn’t help but truly smile at him as he tried to call me on my bluff. I reached out with my other hand and touched his shoulder.

“Thor,” the simple use of his name seemed to catch his attention, “I really am okay. I’ve been learning a great deal while you were away.”

“Were you lonely?”

Loki’s face flashed before me. “I was.” I couldn’t keep count of how many times I had felt utterly alone. I supposed this was quite an accomplishment seeing as I was never truly alone. “Have you ever felt alone in a crowd, Thor? I have. I think that feeling alone in a crowd is worse than actually being alone, but it didn’t stop me. I have friends here now. Huginn and Muninn kept me company. So did Runa and Bera. I wasn’t alone long.”

“What of Jaco, my Lady.” Thor watched me closely. “Has he been a good guard? Has he bothered you?”

I watched his face closely and what I saw made my heart jump to my throat. _He knew_. But, the problem was he didn’t think that I knew about my guard. “Runa, Bera? Would you leave us?”

“Yes, my Lady.”

“Of course.” There was a small paused. “Prince Thor,” Bera’s voice was hesitant, “do not overwork Lady Lillith. She is still healing and will not be at her best. Be careful.” Thor, who was watching the dark haired woman nodded solemnly. The door opened and the two ladies left leaving Thor and I alone.

“You know.” I said it as soon as I was sure the women were gone. “You know what Odin did.” I was up and out of my chair a bit faster than I would have been able to as a human. It felt natural now, but Thor was not used to it. I could see it in the way that he clenched his jaw. “You know what this means.” I added touching the bracer.

“Lillith.” Thor began standing to his full height.

“You know who he is.” I stated. “How long?”

“Let me explain.” Thor said holding his hands out as a peace gesture.

“How long, Thor?”

He sighed. “I learned of it this morning, my Lady.” I nodded. “I promise you that I would have protested this should I have known. I do not know what Father is thinking forcing you into his presence. I had hoped that you did not know of his identity.”

“I learned the night of your celebration. I wanted to tell you but by the morning you were gone.” I sighed.

“And you were stuck with me.” A rather smug voice said from the door. Loki stood without his Jaco disguise leaning casually against the door. His eyes were locked on his brother. Thor looked ready to kill his brother once and for all. “You’re lucky I’m here to protect you.” Loki was speaking to me but he did not move his eyes. “I doubt you would have noticed if someone slipped in. You two are so very…. _involved_ in your conversations aren’t you?”

“Brother.” Thor growled stepping towards Loki. Loki leaned forward seemingly spoiling for a fight. I grit my teeth and held my hand out at the two brothers. They had almost closed the distance but with a calming breath and a tug of my magic both were dragged away from eachother and rooted to the spot by my magic. I imagined a great expanse of roots made of my silver magic and entwined them so thoroughly in my mind that I doubted they could twitch a finger without my say so.

“You will not fight each other.” I growled at the two men. “I don’t give a damn what bad blood you have between you. You will either interact as proper adults or I will put you in time out like the children you are behaving as.”  

I could feel Loki trying to swipe at my magic with his own, and I felt my anger and confusion over the last few months spike though the magical connection I held him by. The magic that I held him with, in my minds eye, shifted into a rather familiar green. It was in that moment I realized what I could do. The strange gold and green sparks that were so ingrained in my magic, I realized, were not exactly my own. They were Odin’s and Loki’s respectively. Because they had a stake in what I had become I had gained control over their own brand of magic. Frigga had her own light blue magic that I had learned to sense quite well. I could never command her magic, I would have to take it apart with my own. But with Loki’s…..

I locked myself into his power and used his own energy against him. When he lashed out with his magic instead of blocking it I simply called to it. And like an obedient puppy it jumped to do my bidding. Loki was bound even tighter than before and I couldn’t help the half-smirk that came with controlling his magic. In order to tame his magic it had to touch my mind, and I could feel his rage….and his despair. All of this happened within moments but my entire existence, the thing I had been fighting to be, clicked into place.

“Are you going to behave?” I asked in a deadly voice. I _felt_ deadly as if I could take on the entire world.

“Yes, my Lady.” Thor answered instantly.

“Yes.” Loki said rather calmly. I paused for a moment, unsure, but then I decided it was for the best and I let the lines of my magic dissolve. Thor instantly rolled his shoulders and Loki slowly and meticulously tilted his head towards me.

“Mother taught you that.” Thor said laughter beginning to bubble in his voice.

“She did.” I affirmed.

“When Loki and I fought as children, that was how she stopped us.” Thor explained rather fondly.

“I believe you are the first person she has taught that _particular_ technique to.” Loki commented.

I looked between the two powerful men and couldn’t help but smile. “I think I know why she taught it to me.” She knew that they would try and fight. This was one of the first techniques she had taught me. She had explained it was difficult to master, but that it would come in handy one day. It had taken me half a month to master.

The two men had taken to watching each other, but no hostile move was made on either side.

“What happens now?” I asked feeling strange with the both of them in the same room.

“Now?” Thor repeated. “Now we feast.” He smiled rather widely at me and I instantly fell back into our old routine by grinning back.

“Why are we feasting?” I asked after a moment or two.

Loki took a few steps so that he was only about a foot away from me. “In our culture,” he began looking at me, “when a mission is completed and victory is ours we feast to celebrate.”

“Didn’t they feast _before_ they left?”

“Wouldn’t you want to? If you didn’t know you were coming back?”

I paused and after a few moments I nodded. Yeah, I would want to eat my cares away before going into battle. I couldn’t help but wonder how many died trying to bring order to the “Great Tree”. I then wondered if I would ever get to see any of the Great Tree….if I would ever see Earth again.

“I shall be your escort, if you’ll have me.” Thor said offering his arm. I could still feel the tension between the brothers but it didn’t seem like it was reaching a breaking point yet.

“Of course, my Prince.” I said winking at him as I took his arm.

“I shall be your guard.” Loki said imitating Thor. “Neither of us have a choice in the matter.” He added with a smirk. I couldn’t help but smile at him. We shared very few things, a kiss being one of them, but the other was a rather strong distaste for a certain Allfather. 


	18. Chapter Eighteen

When I was led into the great dining hall I expected the warm welcome for Thor, what I didn’t expect was the warm welcome for me as well.

“Thor!” The blonde haired man who I recalled to be Fandral said from a table filled with rather loud people. “And Lady Lillith.” The man said standing up as we neared. One other man quickly stood along with him. I recognized him as well.

“Lady Lillith!” Volstagg grinned rather widely at me.

“Just Lillith thanks.” I said smiling at the two of them. Thor helped me into a seat between himself and Lady Sif.

“Lillith,” she said smiling at me, “I have heard you have taken up fighting.” Her smile felt genuine and it brought a similar smile to my face.

“I have.” I told Sif reaching out and taking a sip of my Mead. I forced myself not to wince at the taste of the alcohol. “Frigga….I mean Queen Frigga has taken me under her wing.”

“Our Queen is not known only for her fighting skills.” Fandral, who was sitting directly across from me, probed. “Perhaps it is not just the knowledge of fighting that she is imparting to you.”

“There are rumors that you possess magic.” Sif said. Direct and to the point…I quite liked it.

I nodded to her. “Yes, it’s true. I possess magic.” More magic than just my own. I thought remembering the moment of realization I had only minutes before. I let my gaze wander for a moment until it settled on my guard who was watching me from a wall not too far away. I knew that when I was alone tonight, well as alone as I ever got, that Loki would confront me. He should have been able to slam his way through my magic with strength alone, but when he had lashed out I had used his strength. I had called to his power and it had obeyed strengthening the spell instead of shattering it. His face was still forgettable, but I could almost see Loki scowling at me from underneath the calm façade.

“Is it possible for you to show us?” Volstagg’s voice cut through my thoughts like gasoline through Styrofoam. I turned back to the table and took a rather large drag of my Mead.

“What would you have me do?”

“Create an Illusion.” Fandral said instantly. “That is what Queen Frigga and Lok-“ He cut himself off fairly quickly. “That is what Queen Frigga is known for.”

“What do you want to see?” I hadn’t mastered illusions yet, but I could make them. The hardest thing was doing what Loki was doing right now. I found it rather hard to focus and keep an illusion looking convincing while it was draped over my body.

“Something you find beautiful.” Thor added. They all seemed to be having a rather good time trying to get me to make something.

“It will take me a second.” I warned them deciding at once to create an illusion in the air around us. They wanted something I found beautiful so I pulled it up in my mind. I thought at first to make something from Asgard, but I didn’t know anything here quite as well as I knew the sight I had in mind. As Frigga had taught I pulled myself into a place of calm and wrapped the image of beauty around myself. I imagined standing outside of my dorm back on Earth. The dorm was on a hill and it was easy to see several hundreds of lights of the city in the distance. You could see cars slowly moving and a few lights dotted on the huge hills that surrounded it. I let the image settle for a moment and then I pulled on my magic and breathed life into it. I opened my eyes, and for a moment nothing happened. Loki in his Jaco disguise had moved closer and then the world melted away around the people of my table. I pulled a bit harder on my magic and the sounds of the party melted away into the gentle sounds I knew would be happening outside of my dorm.

The whisper of cars and wind flowed over the scene along with distant voices and laughter. The lights that we all were facing twinkled and the lights that were cars passed by in red and white. I focused trying to bring my memory into full life. It was hard but after a moment I could even feel the breeze that whispered past.

Behind us I knew the hulking and rather ugly dorm would be looming. I didn’t need to turn around. Because of our seated positions I made it so we were sitting on the ground looking towards the lights. The grass was cool and I let it shift through my fingers.

“Where is this?” The voice was soft and sounded slightly in awe of the peaceful scene. Lady Sif glanced to me, streetlights causing her face to glow slightly yellow. I knew I looked the same to her…we all were bathed in the light.

“It’s my home.” I said trying to hold onto the peaceful moment for as long as possible. In the distance I watched as a stoplight shifted from red to green. My subconscious was running the illusion as it knew exactly what the scene should feel and look like. I could feel it humming away in my mind, attending to every detail. I could change it if I wanted, but I decided to enjoy the view.

“This is Midgard?” Fandral asked plucking a strand of grass.

I nodded a bit. “My little piece.”

“I’ve never seen an illusion quite like this.” Thor seemed to be in his own train of thought. He looked rather sad as if he missed someone terribly and this sight had awoken it.

“I haven’t really let people see it….other than Frigga.” I explained. “ _Queen_ ….Queen Frigga. She said each person has their own specialty, and while hers is creating illusions of people mine is creating landscapes.” Or like Loki was good at creating illusions in general, I added silently. It was then I realized that Loki was in my illusion. He was still in his Jaco disguise, but he was looking to the lights just like everyone else. I had never shown Loki this particular talent….honestly I had never shown Loki any of my talents. I felt if I did I would only be mocked. As if sensing my gaze he slowly turned to look at me. I, at once, wished that he hadn’t moved close enough to be included in the illusion. I instantly looked back towards the lights of my home. It made my chest ache. It was such a beautiful and familiar sight….I missed it so badly. I missed my friends and these twinkling lights. I even missed the panic of trying to pass all of my classes. I missed my life and to see it so clearly before me _hurt_. I took one last deep breath of the wind stirred air, listened to a burst of rather obnoxious laughter in the distance, and cut the line of magic. Without warning the party washed back over me and I couldn’t help but jump at the sudden influx of noise and light and smells even if I had technically been there the entire time.

The others seemed a bit shell shocked from the sudden transition as well. I reached out and took a drink of the Mead feeling a sort of exhaustion settle in my limbs. I usually felt this sort of exhaustion after my training with Frigga. Using magic did have a certain strain on me. Mental or physical I couldn’t tell, but it affected me either way. I took another rather large drink of my mead and was surprised to drain the cup. It was almost instantaneously refilled by one of the multiple people roaming about.

“You are very talented!” Volstagg spoke holding out his glass to me before taking a large gulp. I smiled and listened as Fandral began to tell a tale of their recent battles. Volstagg’s children, who took a liking to me, sat and giggled along to Fandral’s voice. Thor left sometime during the night, and Sif went to speak to the Queen leaving me with the two boisterous men and their tales. The more I drank the more I began to laugh with their stories and when asked by young voices to tell a story of my homeland I did not disappoint. Though I didn’t have any grand battle stories I told them about the great adventures of being in college. The children did not know much of Earth and so I got a thousand questions thrown my way.

I was saved by a thousand more questions when a lively song was played and Fandral, despite my protests of being horrible at dancing, dragged me to the dancefloor. The steps were pretty simple and soon enough I could dance among the people without bumping into them. More mead and everything took on a shimmering quality. Laughing was easy. Pure happiness filled me and I found that I didn’t quite feel as alone as before. Volstagg’s daughter took it upon herself to teach me one of the more complicated dances.

“Mind if I steal her for a moment?” A warm voice asked. I turned to see a rather handsome man smiling down at Volstagg’s daughter. She shook her head and ran back towards her father’s table. I turned back to the man and the look on his face instantly made me giggle.

“Loki.” I’m not quite sure how I knew it was him, but I knew. There was slight shock on the handsome man’s face and for a moment I wondered if I was horribly wrong.

“How did you know?” He asked reaching out and pulling me into the first stance of the dance Volstagg’s daughter taught me.

“I’ve been living with you for a while. I’d be a horrible roommate if I didn’t recognize you.” I answered laughing. “It was also the look on your face. I’ve only seen one other person make that face.” The music began and we began to dance. For a moment I was panicked that I forgot the steps, but my body somehow remembered before I did.  

“Is that so?” Loki mused. “I’ll have to be more careful.” He added with a flashy smirk that caused me to giggle. Usually I wouldn’t laugh at such an action, but it was so easy to laugh. Dancing with Loki, I found, was more gliding than dancing. He really was graceful and it was almost too easy to lose myself. My mind flashed to the kiss and I wasn’t fast enough to stop the blush that sprang up.

“Loki,” I spoke quietly, “I have a question.”

“This may not be a proper place to ask.” He said eyes locked onto mine. “We could always retire…it would be nice to let this disguise drop.” He added a fatigue creeping into his eyes that I understood. He had been using his magic a bit too much today.

“I will have to be seen with Jaco guarding me back to my room.” I said with a half-smile. “It would not be very becoming of me to leave with a handsome stranger.”

“Then this is where we part ways.” Loki spoke looking amused at my forethought. He stepped backwards and bowed just as the music came to a close. He was quickly lost in the crowd and I wandered back towards Volstagg. I quickly said my goodnights and was promptly joined by my guard when I left the party. The walk back to my room was a quiet one.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so a really big thanks to italiangirl1970 and MaliceManaged for telling me that I re-posted the exact same chapter! Serves me right for posting when I'm on little to no sleep. Anywho this should be the new chapter, and because you guys helped me I'll be posting the next chapter as well!
> 
> Thanks again!

“Why did you kiss me?” My words tumbled out as soon as he closed the door behind me. It was strange, I thought, to watch the façade of Jaco to melt away into Loki. Emerald green eyes blazing through dark brown, brown hair shifting until it was long and black, and pale skin emerging from a light tan. My mind stuttered over his true form.

“Why?” He echoed taking a few steps towards me. Everything was sparkling and I couldn’t help but want to reach out and touch him again. My hand drifted upwards towards him and he stepped forwards and caught my hand with both of his. “It is because I am weak.” He answered, and for some reason the answer hurt. I began to tug away but he was suddenly in front of me. “Do you know how much I hated you?” His voice was a strange soft contrast to his hard words. “You were the reason that I was caught. The reason I was sent back here to my own personal hell. And instead of dying my own father deemed you, a stranger, worthy of saving when I was cast into the dungeons.”

“I didn’t try to take over Earth.” I said feeling lost.

“No, but your actions against me were rooted in the same intention. ‘Revenge,’ you said. Revenge against me for what happened to your father. So I hated you. I hated you more than I hated my brother.” Loki’s arm had snaked around my waist so when I tried to move he easily held me in place. “I always thought my brother weak for loving a Midgardian. To love something so fleeting,” he reached up and ran his fingers lightly across my cheek, “was sheer idiocy. Then I was forced into contact with you and I realized that you hated me as much as I hated you. I could see it in the way you looked at me, but even with all of that hate you never moved nor spoke against me. You were left alone with the one person you hated most in the world and yet you did not break. I was cruel to you, and you did not break. I thought you unbreakable.” Loki had been drifting closer and closer to me. Butterflies began to riot in my stomach. “I could not harm you so I ignored you. I hoped that you would drown in the silence. Instead you somehow befriended the birds. I do not think I have ever hated someone as much as I hated you in those moments. And then one day I stumbled across you in the library…”

“And you watched me instead of the books.” I said remembering Runa’s words.

“You saw me?”

“No, but others did. Rule number two of the palace,” I smiled fondly, “the maids know everything. Runa has this ridiculous theory…” I trailed off. At some point after Loki kissed me I must have decided that he did it only to hurt me later. It would have gone with his character. I was waiting for the floor to drop out from under me.

“A theory?” He asked watching me closely.

I shook my head. “She’s wrong, I just don’t have the heart to tell her so.” He watched me for a moment before continuing.

“I decided to learn about you to the best of my abilities. So I found all of your favorite places, I began to listen to my mother when she spoke of you, and when you woke from a nightmare I would not turn away from you. Every night you woke with fear and horror in your eyes and every night you calmed yourself back to sleep. I thought myself insane when I yearned to calm you myself. I explained the urge away as wanting a decent night’s sleep without being woken by another’s nightmare.” Loki had never looked at me this way before. His entire face had softened as if the perpetual hate that seemed to fuel him was replaced with something gentler. “I cannot hate you.” The sentence was simple and seemed to spill out of Loki the same way my question had tumbled out. “I cannot find it in myself to even want to hate you. I am weak. You are the reason I am stuck in this hell.”

“Loki-“

“I am sorry for what I have done to you.” Loki had been getting more and more frantic with each word. I took a step back and instead of keeping me there he simply let the motion pull him to his knees in front of me. “Mother was right.”

“What?” The word felt clunky and inadequate. Loki did not speak he just sat on his knees in front of me. I carefully went to my knees letting them press against Loki’s own. “Loki, I forgive you.” I could hardly believe my own words but deep down I knew that I had set myself on this path as soon as I asked what my father would do. “For everything. I forgive you.” It had been almost a year since my father’s death at this point. Thor’s war had taken such a long time. Frigga was right. Holding in this that much hate was bad for me.

“It is unforgivable.” He dismissed my words easily. “I know my sins.”

“What you did was wrong.” I admitted sitting back on my heels. “What you did took everything away from me. My Dad, my home, my friends,” I listed off studying the hem of my dress, “but, I determine what is forgivable or not.” I glanced up to meet Loki’s gaze. There was a look on his face that I couldn’t quite place. After a moment of watching him I began to get to my feet.

“I never really answered your question.” He said after a moment.

I giggled the smallest bit. “You don’t have to.”  I turned to look out of the balcony and over the city. It was beautiful even in the dark. There was the smallest touch at my back and I turned back towards Loki to see he had silently stood and moved closer to me.

“Words have always led to deception.” Loki looked to me and I felt the world fall away. “I have found where words shroud people…actions reveal them.” My body became a live wire as Loki’s fingers lightly brushed up my arm and goosebumps followed in their wake. Loki, who had been watching the reaction his simple touch brought on, looked up letting our gazes lock. In his gaze I found a sort of safe haven. His hand found the side of my face and my entire body lit up with the want of his lips against my own. Loki was so close I could smell the strange scent that always clung to him, but he did not move further.

I could see the thousands of greens that made up his eyes but beyond that I could read something in their depths. He was waiting for something. I very shakily reached up and touched Loki’s face. I wondered if he thought my shaking was weak, but the moment I came into contact with his skin some certainty filled me from my head to my toes. I really did forgive Loki for all he had done to me. I let my fingers trail backwards and tangled into his hair. Using his hair to my advantage I tugged him toward me and easily closed the distance between us. I brushed his lips in the lightest way I knew how, but that was all it took.

He made a sound that was half sigh half moan and deepened the kiss. He easily took what tentative control I had over the kiss and made my head spin with the sheer power of it. He was right actions really did reveal us in the end. When we parted he whispered my name. In response to his voice my body surged forwards of it's own volition. I kissed him again and he pulled me flush against his body. Then there was a sharp knock at my door.

I expected Loki to jump away from me as if he had been burned, but he simply glanced towards the door looking rather disappointed. He turned back and pressed one last gentle lingering kiss before wearily stepping away and forcing his Jaco disguise to hide his features once more.

“Yes?” I called walking towards the door trying to get my heartbeat back to normal.

“My Lady!” Runa was in the door quick as lightning. “You have to come.”

“What happened?” Without thought I pulled on my magic bracing myself for the worst.

“There is a Midgardian here!” She gasped. She looked as if she ran to my room. I went to ask for more details but the world was suddenly ripped away from me.

There was a woman. The same woman I had been seeing in all of my dreams. She was staring at a strange pillar made of stone. She reached out, and something reached back. There was pain. I could feel it as if it were my own. She was dying…the moment it touched her skin it was killing her from the inside out.  Humans were so very fragile, unable to cope with power. She was burning though she couldn’t feel it.  Something in the darkness…something that had been sleeping. It was awake, and it was coming for her. Coming for us all.

Something writhed underneath my skin.

I was pulled skyward by something _inside_ of me. It was so dark.

“Lillith.” I knew this voice. “Lillith please.” The sound of this particular voice pleading was absolutely new. “Lilly.” Something touched my face and I clawed my way back to my body. I gasped as I opened my eyes. Everything looked _off_. It wasn’t until I realized I was laying on the floor, my head cradled in someone’s lap, that I realized that I had fallen.

“What happened?” The voice was low and fierce. Loki….it was his voice. I blinked and looked up. Everything felt fuzzy around the edges and I wanted nothing more than to sleep.

“I don’t…” What _did_ happen? It was like the nightmares I had been having but I hadn’t been asleep when they hit. It was always the same girl, same darkness, and the same feeling of being dragged skywards. My father hadn’t made some sort of appearance this time…nor did the Chitauri.

“Lilly.” One word and I refocused on Loki, though he still looked like Jaco. But his voice had slipped….the master of illusion had slipped. Was still slipping. “What happened?”

“I don’t know.” I said truthfully.

“Perhaps my Lady had too much to drink?” Runa asked looking very small near the door.

“You’re right. I just need to lay down and rest.” I tried to sit up and Loki helped me get to my feet. “But the Midgardian….the human. I need to see the human first.”

I expected them to contradict me. They didn’t. I was led out of the room Loki walking so close to me that he brushed me every other second as we walked. He seemed worried I would suddenly fall again. I didn’t blame him I felt the same way. I made it into the room just after the human had said something. Thor was grinning at her and the healers looked shocked.

She looked at me and I felt myself go rigid. I knew this woman’s face. She haunted me every night….I had seen her only minutes before. “You.” I whispered eyes wide. She looked slightly confused.

“Me?” She asked eyes wide.

“You must be from Earth.” I said instantly. I let myself smile widely at her. “So am I.”

“You’re from Earth?” The way she questioned me I had a feeling she had an extensive background in education. “Where on Earth?”

“America.” She lit up at my answer.

“My name is Jane Foster.” Her smile was beautiful, I could see why Thor was in love with her.

“I’m Lillith.”


	20. Chapter 20

“Lillith, that is a beautiful name.” Jane said smiling widely. She seemed extremely happy. Her eyes kept flicking back to Thor with the most love stuck expression I had ever seen. Once again the world tried to fall away and I instantly leaned back against Loki. Darkness did not cover my vision as I expected. Instead I saw something strange moving within Jane. A red fragmented thing was slowly moving through her body, and I could feel it calling. It knew that its host was dying…it would protect itself. It needed its master….or a better host. A name slithered through my head. Something old.

_Malekith._

Jane slowly sat up and looked at me. She could feel it perhaps not as strongly as I but she could feel it none the less. Whatever I was seeing, whatever was inside of her, had noticed me.

“Lillith.” Thor was staring at me now I could tell by the tone of his voice, but Jane and I were locked in a staring match. And the thing was whispering now in its own strange language.

“You found it in the dark didn’t you? In a forgotten place. The stone pillar, you touched it….and you woke him up.” I could hardly hear the words I was saying. I was too busy listening to the whisper of the thing inside of her.

“It wants you.” She whispered it in horror.

“My words are mere noises to you that you would ignore them completely?” Odin strode into the room breaking whatever spell had come over the two of us. I took a step back and away from her. Loki’s hand lightly touched my arm.

“She’s ill.” Thor replied instantly.

“She is mortal. In this is their defining trait.” I felt myself stand a bit straighter as Odin came close to me.

“I brought her here because you can help her.” Thor spoke lowly. I was instantly brought to another moment in time. That time was hazy in my memory but I remembered the same scorn in his voice as I pleaded for my life. I’m not quite sure what caused him to heal me…or how I somehow agreed to staying in Asgard before I officially agreed to stay in Asgard.

“She does not belong here in Asgard as much as a goat does not belong at a banquet table.” His eyes shifted slightly towards me.

“Did he just-?” Jane asked looking towards me. “Who do you think you are?” She spat at him. Odin looked to her.

“I am Odin. King of Asgard protector of the nine realms.”

“Oh, well I’m.-“

“I know very well who you are, Jane Foster.” Odin said quickly cutting her off.

I heard Jane mumble something to Thor but I had already stepped forwards. “Odin you go too far.” He whipped around to watch me.

“And you should know your place!” Odin snapped. “I am your King!”

“You are as much my king as the goat you spoke of before. If you were really a king, my king, then you would help this woman.”

“Your kind have healers, they can take care of her. Guards! Take her to Midgard.” Odin ordered.

I walked forwards placing myself mere inches from the ruler of Asgard. The man who had been housing me…and keeping me a sort of prisoner. “They cannot help with this.” I said lowly. “You’ve no idea what she has found…who she has awoken.”

“And you do?” Odin, for once, didn’t actually seem to be talking down to me.

I nodded. Three things happened at once. Thor warned the guards not to touch Jane, Jane blew them back with a blast of red energy, and I remembered the name that was told to me.

“Malekith.” I said as Thor rushed to Jane’s side. Odin looked shocked. I could feel whatever the thing was call to me. She was dying…a few more waves of protecting itself and it was all over. It needed something sturdier…something super human.

“What do you know of the Aether.” Odin asked reaching out and grabbing my shoulder.

I glanced to Jane. “I can feel it. I can hear it.” I let my gaze flick to Loki and even with his Jaco disguise he looked concerned. “It’s killing her. She’s so fragile.”

“Much like you were.” Odin said as if he were remembering. I nodded. It wasn’t trying to change her…it was using her like a parasite. And it was going to drain her dry unless someone did something. Someone had to save her the same way someone had to save me.

“Odin,” It was the ever-forgettable voice of Jaco, “she needs rest. I am taking her to her bed now.”

“Such sentiment.” Odin said simply. I could almost feel the hatred radiating from Loki. Odin still had not let go of my shoulder. “Tomorrow you shall come and find me. There is much we need to discuss. You will have no need of your guard at that time.” He added.

“I don’t think you understand,” I said in a tone so sweet it could cause cavities, “I say when I need or don’t need my guard. And until you are someone I would follow I have no need of your advice on that matter. Or any matter really.” I turned away from Odin and realized that everyone in the room was watching the interaction. Jane was grinning at me, though I knew she must have felt awful.

“How did you get here?” She asked as I passed.

I smiled. “He saved me.” I said nodding to Thor. “So did he,” I added glancing back to Odin. “And then he did,” I let myself bump into Loki though Jane did not know that is who I really meant. “You can ask Thor. I’m supposed to be resting. But I can tell you tomorrow if you want. If a certain king is allowing you to stay.” I did not look back towards Odin, but the smile that spread across Thor’s face confirmed it for me. “Tomorrow then.” I said heading out of the healer’s room.

“That was quite brave of you.” Loki said in his actual voice. I glanced to the side and watched as the Jaco façade crumbled away from him.

“Bravery is such a pleasant word for stupidity, don’t you think?” I answered back. “I know it was stupid, but I couldn’t stand to watch him be horrible to Jane just because she’s mortal. _I’m_ mortal.”

“Don’t say that.” Loki said frowning slightly.

“What? That I’m mortal? I am until further notice. I may or may not have the same life-span as an Asgardian. I’m guessing that in order to do that they would have to draw my blood and run tests on it.”

“Why don’t you?” Loki asked eyes locked on me.

“Needles.”

“I remember your fear.” He said it softly. The sound of our footsteps in the empty hall reminded me of my racing heartbeat. “I wanted nothing more than to kill every healer there.”

“What? Why?” I asked turning slightly more towards him.

Loki smiled. “You were afraid…so very afraid.” He shook his bracer arm at me. “It was one of the strongest tests of my will. I knew I had to calm you down somehow.” I remembered the first time Loki had touched my face. We had reached my room by this point and I pulled myself into the netting of my bed and undid my dress. I was still wearing my underdress and decided to leave it at that.  “We have much to talk about.” Loki said pushing the netting aside and sitting on the end of my bed. I groaned and let myself fall forwards face planting into the bed and sliding until the top of my head touched Loki’s thigh.

“Everything has gone to shit.” I groaned. “I’m not sure where anything stands anymore.” I rolled slightly and felt my side ache the smallest bit. Loki was looking down at me and after a moment he leaned back until we were both laying and staring at the celling of my large room.

“Your dreams…have they been the same dreams?” Loki asked after a few minutes of silence.  I nodded my head, but then remembered that he probably couldn’t see me.

“Yes and no. They’re all about the same thing and they have some of the same elements but they’re always different somehow. Parts get added or taken away. And before you ask, yes, it was the same things I saw when I fell. The dreams started a few days after I was here on Asgard.”

“Have you told your maids about this?”

“No, why would I talk to them about my nightmares? I hardly think about my nightmares to begin with.” I felt the bed shift and I pulled myself up to see Loki sitting up in the middle of my bed. I propped myself up with one hand but otherwise didn’t move much.

“So I suppose the birds have no idea either.”

“Huginn and Muninn do know that I have bad dreams…but not what they’re about. Muninn thinks they’re about my Dad.” He still showed up in my dreams but less so now. “I thought they were because of my Dad too,” I admitted tugging my dress down a bit, “and Muninn offered to fix it. He said he could dull the memory so it wouldn’t bother me.”

“And did you?”

“No of course not.” I said looking to him in shock. He raised his eyebrows at me. “If I let him dull that memory it would make my father’s death mean nothing. It was my hatred over his death that brought me here.“ I rolled back onto my back and watched the celling hoping that Loki was looking away from me. This was something that had kept me up many a night. “Back home they say that grief warps us. Makes us into something we would never be, but that’s not true. Grief reveals us for who we truly are.”

Loki was quiet for a moment. “I know of a Midgardian phrase…one I learned during the time I spent there,” neither of us mentioned what he was doing during his time on earth, “I believe it went ‘blinded by grief’. Do you know of the phrase?”

“I could see just fine. I knew that I was risking my life and everything I was just to get revenge on a man I didn’t know.” I sighed. “I know I would have gone further too, if it meant taking you down. But now….” I pressed my hands into my eyes. “I put myself into this situation. And now….”

“You’ve no idea where anyone or anything stands.” He quoted me and I simply nodded too tired to care. Let Loki know my deepest darkest thoughts. I didn’t care, at least not at the moment. “I could tell you,” Loki said after what felt like an eternity of silence, “where things stand.”


	21. Twenty One

“Go ahead,” I sighed, “tell me where everyone stands.” Even as the words slipped out of my mouth I felt as if something important was about to happen. As soon as the words fell the air felt charged like the few moments before lightning strikes. I had been pressing too harshly on my eyes and colors began to swim and warp in behind my closed eyes. I let the pressure off and opened my eyes to let it pass. I could see through the small cracks in my fingers and I could see that Loki was watching me. He wasn’t really looking where my eyes were, though, he seemed to be taking in more of my body language than my actual appearance. I found myself wondering how often he read body language. I had a rather good suspicion that it was more often than I did.

“You’ve managed to gain the favor of every single spy Odin has sent after you.” Loki said smirking. I let my hands fall from my face.

“What the hell do you mean?” Spies? Odin sent spies after me….and I gained their favor? Loki paused for a moment.

“You didn’t know.” He deadpanned. He simply stared at me for a few more seconds before a dark sort of laughter started to bubble out of him. “You didn’t even suspect and you _still_ gained their trust?”

“Odin was spying on me?” My stomach twisted. I should have known. “I should have known,” I repeated out loud. “Who was it?”

Loki, true to his character, did not shy away from telling me. “Huginn was the first that Odin sent after you. You won his loyalty in a matter of days, I’m told.” Impossible green eyes were locked on my face. “And then your maids.” There was no stopping the reaction this time. My stomach clenched and I knew that I must have gone pale.

“Runa and Bera?” Spies? They had been so nice to me. I knew that it was their job to help me get dressed and other things of that sort, but deep down I felt as if they were my friends. After a few days with them I felt comfortable. I told them about my world. I had trusted them without hesitation.

“Yes, but they began to lie on your behalf to Odin. I’m not sure when this started happening, but they’ve been covering up anything unusual in your behavior for a while now.” There was slight movement and I turned to see Loki sitting up and looking towards the balcony. “You have this strange talent of inspiring loyalty in all who meet you.”

“I don’t see why.” I replied instantly. Loki glanced towards me but said nothing to contradict my statement. I took a deep breath to steady myself. The world felt off-kilter to me as if the information was somehow heavy enough to shift reality around me. I had trusted Runa and Bera. I had trusted Huginn.

“Odin tolerates you, but only because of Thor and Moth-“ Loki cut himself off suddenly a darkness crossing his features. “Thor and Frigga.” He amended in a calm voice. I knew better than that and so did he.

“Frigga is still your mother.” I corrected him a sigh lacing my words. I didn’t have to see him to know he was beyond furious at my comment. I normally wouldn’t speak to him about his family or anything about Earth.  The only other time I had even brought them up he had refused to speak to me for a week, and when he finally found it within himself to speak to me it was in the form of biting remarks that stung hours after he said them.

“She is not my mother, just as Odin is not my father.” Pain crackled through his words. “My _father,_ ” Loki spat the word as if it were acid, “was Laufey.”

I knew that this was a touchy subject with Loki, and I knew that I should drop it here. He would be angry but this was the tipping point. I could keep quiet and keep some sort of peace between us or I could say something more and shatter it. He could feel it too. He had to by the way he was letting the fragile silence stretch between us. I knew he had a rant on the tip of his tongue, but these few silent moments were his invitation for me to speak. I was so tired. I was so betrayed.

“That is bullshit.” The words ground themselves out before I could analyze the situation further. “You know that Frigga is your mother!” All of the sweet moments I had glimpsed while practicing magic flashed through my mind. She was always so sweet to Loki, and he seemed a changed person when he was near her. She brought out the best of him. And he was rejecting her along with Odin and Thor. “Just because someone didn’t give birth to you doesn’t mean that they aren’t your parents! She took care of you. She loves you. After everything you’ve done,” the weight behind my words seemed to shimmer in the air, “every mistake you’ve made. Every bridge you’ve not only burned but destroyed almost completely. You tried to kill Thor. You tried to take the Earth. You lied and slaughtered innocents. All of this, and she forgives you. More than that, Loki, she loves you!”

“Odin-“ Loki began to growl his voice white hot with anger. I wasn’t finished.

“I don’t give a _fuck_ about Odin!” I snarled dropping off of the bed and hitting the floor with a solid thump. “You’re right that Odin hasn’t been much of a father to you. I’m not talking about him. I’m talking about your _mother,_ Loki. Are you saying that she wasn’t there for you? You take for granted the love she constantly gives you.” I had moved forwards, and by this point so had Loki. “Does love mean nothing to you?!?”

“Is that what this is about?” Loki suddenly smiled a cruel light entering his eyes. “Love?” He stepped forwards bringing himself closer than I wanted in my anger. “You worry about my ability to love? I can promise you that love is a notion for fools. _I will never love you_.” His words were whispered as sweet nothings were pouring out of his mouth instead of venom. “ _That_ is where we stand.” He added when I did not respond.

For some strange and stupid reason, my heart shattered. Instead of crumpling I found my anger draining from my features and a slightly amused expression take its place. I felt disconnected to my body as if some phantom version of myself had taken control. The phantom laughed softly with my voice. “What would make you think I would _want_ someone like you to love me? You flatter yourself.” A sly smile when the phantom registered the shock on Loki’s face. He had expected me to crumple. I was crumpled. Destroyed. “I only wanted you to cherish those who _do_. It’s a rather short list.” I heard myself say.

“It is longer than yours.” Loki shot back his voice was like silk and cut deeper than any blade.

The phantom lost almost all control of my face. Instead of smirking and sending another insult Loki’s way my face and body grew still. “You’re right,” my voice confirmed.  My body moved before I was aware of it. I wanted Loki to reach out and stop me from leaving. I wanted someone to care, but I wasn’t going to beg for it or sit quietly anymore. I wanted to be able to voice my opinion and still be cared for. It was almost too easy to leave the room. The phantom drove my body forwards even if I lost count of where I was. Eventually I ended up outside of the palace and then I was in the garden. Whatever phantom that had kept me from breaking down left me then.

I still didn’t cry. I was beyond crying. I was beyond feeling. I simply stared at what was in front of me. I knew this tree. With a slightly trembling hand I pressed it to the large charred spot, and instantly felt some sort of gratitude wash through me. For a moment I was angry at myself. What did I have to be grateful about? My body was broken in ways I could never fix. I wasn’t even fully human anymore. I had no one who truly cared about me. Those who did were either dead or thought I was dead. Loki had made it obviously clear that Runa, Bera, Huginn and Muninn were only around me to spy. A small part of me objected pleading that Loki had said that they were no longer spying on me. That had to be important. Loki had made it clear that he didn’t care about me. Again the little voice objected that he had kissed me. I knew that lust and love were two very different feelings, and being forced into contact with someone for such a long time could have stirred his lust. Lust wasn’t love….it wasn’t care. High School had taught me that.

Darkness was so around me in that moment. And then my mind brought up a quote from my old life. I had tried to stop thinking about my old life. Everything from that life I had tried to block out of my mind, but this quote had me smiling and crying at the same time. I gather my magic and whispered the phrase to myself.

“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times,” I pushed with my magic, “if one only remembers to turn on the light.” Veins of light shot into the tree and stretched upwards. More tears began to fall when the leaves one by one began shedding soft green light. The tree was all silvers and soft greens. I poured my longing and loss into my magic. The world of loss. The silver light spread into the ground and rippled outwards as if I had dropped a coin into a still lake. One by one the trees around me lit up. I poured everything into my magic. I hardly noticed that I had sank to my knees. I was one with my magic and we were turning the light on.

Further and further I let myself wash out until my consciousness felt thin. I was hardly aware of myself, but I was aware of _everything_. Every vein in every leaf on every tree. I was a shining and shimmering light. I was life. I was every blade of grass and every shrub. I could feel my body kneeling at the root of the ancient tree. I could feel the presence that was reaching out to my body. The hand that was touching my shoulder.

With a snap I was back in my body gasping and feeling a wave of dizziness almost knock me down. In fact the only thing that kept me up was the hand that quickly grabbed me and steadied me. I could see the grass and roots in front of me and I guessed that a palace guard had seen the lights and went to investigate. I felt strange and jumbled, but somehow lighter. My face was still wet with tears and I turned to assure the guard that I was fine, but it wasn’t a guard.

Loki watched me for a moment taking in my tearstained face and then he looked beyond me. I blinked and followed his gaze, and felt more tears slide down my face. The trees were still glowing, but it was more than that. The grass was softly glowing. Everything was…even the stone paths. It looked like some strange scene straight out of Avatar. I had thought they would stop glowing once I cut the flow of magic. My hand had slipped off of the charred spot of the tree in front of me. It pulsed with a pure silver light the burnt mark now seeming more like some strange rune mark than anything else. Movement in the corner of my eye showed me that Loki had simply sat beside me. I was tired, physically this time.

“I lied.” His voice was as soft as the light that glowed around us. “They always said I had a silver tongue, but…” Loki’s voice faded out as if what he was saying was difficult for him. “You were right. She is my mother.” I wanted nothing more than to cry.

“Good.” Was my only answer.

“That wasn’t the lie.” I turned towards him just as his hand lightly traced across my cheek. I wanted him to say that he was in love with me. Heaven knows that I was in love with him. Could it have been only earlier tonight that we had been dancing together? It felt like a lifetime away. A storm was on the horizon, and I felt that it was going to take us all out. I wanted Loki to love me. He lightly guided me to him eyes darkening with some sort of emotion. I tilted my head down and to the side effectively breaking away from what was most likely going to be a searing head spinning kiss. Sometimes I really hated emotions.

Lust wasn’t love. Lust wasn’t enough for me.

“We should head back.” I said pushing myself up. I stumbled into the tree my body trying to give out on me. Loki stood quickly a blank façade already in place. My heart ached and I wanted nothing more than to cry. He held out his arm and we walked out of the glowing garden and back to the room. Loki helped me into bed and I silently cried until my exhausted body gave out.

Right before I fell asleep there was the softest press of lips to my forehead. “I’ll show you, love. I’ll prove myself.” I tried to wake up but there was a spark of magic, and then nothing.


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

Something in the darkness called to me. It was a glimmer at first, a speck of fire in an otherwise black world. The glimmer grew and shifted and writhed towards me. Fear filled me as I came to know what it truly was. The Aether. Its whispers slid through me but I could understand none of its words. It was as if the language it spoke was older than time itself. Despite my not knowing the language it spoke I understood its intent quite clearly. It wanted me, but more than me it wanted darkness.

I took a few steps back but it only seemed to grow in size bathing my skin in bloody light. I went to scream for help, but it was rushing towards me. My screams were choked as the Aether pushed itself into my mouth, forced its way into my nose, and filled my eyes. I could see nothing but the darkness.

 _I liked it._ This was the way the universe was supposed to be. Pure. Untainted by the light.

There was suddenly light and for a moment I wanted nothing more than to extinguish it and then the want disappeared replaced by my own unrestrained joy. The presence of the Aether was gone as if I had never felt its darkness in the first place. The light which had felt overwhelming and awful resolved itself into a calm forest scene. Dappled light shifted over my body as if the trees that surrounded me had been caught in a subtle breeze. I wasn’t sure why I knew it was Earth, but I did. I let myself sink into a crouch and let my fingers run over the moss covered ground. Without warning the scene flickered as if it were some hologram hiding a much darker world. I frowned and went to stroke the moss again, but my fingers suddenly dug into black rocky earth. I jerked my gaze upwards but the serene forest once again sprang into existence and the texture underneath my fingers was springy and cool.

“What’s going on?” I spoke. A black barren land flickered into existence once again before the forest took back over. It happened again, and then again. When the dark landscape appeared so did hands roughly pushing me ahead. I couldn’t help but stumble. I knew how to get out of this grip, Frigga had taught me, but my body acted helpless and stumbled along with the bruising grip. The hands disappeared for the barest moment as the forest reappeared but the dark barren landscape swallowed the light and the hands were pushing me. I fell my hands splaying out and causing thousands of the little black rocks to spray towards a host of shadow people.

“Malekith!” I knew the voice that spoke behind me, but I couldn’t place it. One of the shadows suddenly gained piercing ice blue orbs which I took to be eyes. I wanted to scream. The Forest rushed back into existence voiding out whatever the voice had begun to say. I pushed myself up and found myself staring at a little blue bird that was watching me from a low hanging branch. It hopped forwards and its body began to contort. Its beak opened wide in what I thought to be a cry of pain, but there was no sound. Black began spreading across it as it writhed on the branch. When it finally lifted its head to look at me Huginn stood in the little bird’s place.

“Beware,” Huginn opened his beak but it was my voice that poured out. I could already feel the horrified scream building in my chest. “Beware of the Convergence.” My voice cried to me.

The dream shattered and I bolted up only to slam into something that had been hanging above me.  I screamed again in pain and terror scrambling to move away from the dark shape that was above me. Shadowed hands tried to pull me back towards the dark mass. I aimed a kick at the largest part of the shadow and was rewarded with a pain filled grunt.

“Lillith!!!” Loki wheezed not letting go of me.

“Loki.” I stopped fighting as I sighed his name. It wasn’t the strange shadow creatures that had been in my dreams. Loki tugged me slightly towards him and I willingly sank, relived, back into my spot on the bed. Then, of course, the strangeness of the situation hit me. “What exactly were you doing?!?” I pulled the covers up further until I was hiding everything but my head. There was a brief worry that my underdress had slipped and Loki had seen something, but I had a feeling that it hadn’t.

“You whimpered,” Loki sighed still sounding slightly out of breath, “I had hoped to ease your mind.” The darkness was slowly resolving itself around me. Loki’s face was the smallest bit clearer in the darkness and his expression looked vaguely worried. Why would he be worried?

“You wanted to take away the bad dream?” Loki sat on the bed with a sound that seemed a cross between a sigh and a growl.

“Something fought against the magic.” The forest…the one that was from Earth. Loki had been trying to comfort me by using my home planet. I was touched. I couldn’t help it. I could recall the fight we had not hours before, but at the moment it felt blurry and far away. The fear from that world….the dark world that had claimed my dreams was still very real, and Loki had made the calm forest that fought against it. Loki sat for a moment longer then moved to get up.

“Wait,” the word slipped out before I could understand why I was asking him. He paused eyes wary and trained on me. “Thank you….for the forest.” He nodded and took a step away from my bed and I felt the panic of the dream try and seize me again.

I didn’t want to go back.

A sigh ghosted out of me as I began to settle in for a long sleepless night. Loki hadn’t moved any further from the bed. He was, instead, watching me again as if he were contemplating something. Loki’s jaw shifted the smallest bit as if he was gritting his teeth together. His features were painted in shades of black and grey and he was wearing one of the loose fitted white shirts that he preferred to sleep in. His hair was staging its own mutiny and curling down and around his face instead of staying slicked back the way he always wore it. His expression, however, remained ever the same. He watched me with a guarded expression whatever thoughts hidden beneath its surface.

I started to turn away from him settling in for an extremely long night when my bracer caught my attention. I never really thought of the piece of armor or really noticed its presence much lately. I remembered the first few months of being trapped with Loki I had tried to pry it off and ended up cutting my fingertips. I let myself touch the warm metal, but all that sprang to mind was the dark world that had invaded my dreams. What did dream Huginn mean? What’s a convergence?

“Loki-“ I began turning towards his bed, but he was still in the exact place as before his long and slender fingers playing over his own bracer. His eyes focused on me and I wondered how he could put off such a predatory air by just looking at me. I pulled myself up trying to shake the feeling of being caught in the headlights out of my mind before I continued. There was the smallest flash of amusement from Loki and then he was sitting in front of me.

“Tell me of your home.” Loki said when my words had utterly failed me. I almost did a double take. Loki had never asked about my old life before.

“What do you want to know?”

Loki shifted and moved until he was lying beside me on the other side of the bed. “Tell me about your father.” I tugged my knees up and wrapped my arms around them, which was my default position for late night talks. Instead of asking Loki why he suddenly had an interest in my life I decided to suspend my rule about my old life while in Asgard. If only for this one night.

“He was one of the hardest working people I ever knew. He worked two jobs and what little free time he had was spent on his friends and family.” I said letting my chin rest against my knees. “We used to watch movies on Tuesday nights. He usually fell asleep halfway through and I would have to wake him up to go and sleep in his actual bed instead of the couch.”

“What of your mother?”

That got a rather dark laugh. “She was never there. I wouldn’t know what she looked like if it weren’t for their old wedding photos.” There was a slight shift next to me, but I didn’t look to Loki. “Last I heard she was very happy with her new family.”

Loki remained quiet, but I could feel his presence beside me. “I didn’t need her.” I said letting go of my legs. I let myself slide and settle until I was laying down staring at the top of the canopy. “I had other people.”

“Other people?”

“Yeah,” I breathed, “I had my friends. They were always there for me. Too bad,” the words slipped out before I could stop them.

“What’s too bad?”

“That I can’t return the favor anymore.”

The absence of sound was deafening. Neither of us spoke. My mind began to wander, then drift. I didn’t want to, but sometime in the night sleep took me. 

 


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

**Chapter Twenty Three: Chapter Twenty Three**

Morning came with the small tapping sound from my balcony. Groggily I opened my eyes already annoyed at whatever was taking me out of my peaceful sleep. The first thing I saw was soft morning light making the sheer material that surrounded my bed look as if it were candle-light made solid. It was still pulled back from the events from the night before. The night before reminded me of countless nights I spent with my roommate in college.

More tapping at the balcony window. I didn’t want to get up. I wasn’t usually so warm in the mornings. I sighed and went to pull myself up and off the bed, but something wrapped around my waist suddenly tightened and pulled me backwards. I froze.

Frigga, when first teaching me how to fight, commented that I had the worst instincts when it came to fighting. The first time she swept me off my feet and I thudded to the floor I simply stared as she quickly jumped down pinning me with a dagger at my throat. She explained that in the heat of battle freezing meant certain death.

I guess I needed more lessons.

The thing that had been wrapped around my waist had pulled me back even further than I had been lying before. It took me about three seconds of utter shock before I realized that I had been pulled against someone’s chest. They moved a bit closer, their hand tightening slightly, and what I assumed to be a face burrowed near the top of my head. I felt like lashing out at whoever was holding me, but in that same instant I realized who it was.

Loki must have fallen asleep next to me. He was still slowly breathing his body relaxing against mine. He was the reason I was so warm. I forced myself not to giggle like a love struck pre-teen. The fact that Loki liked to cuddle in his sleep was enough to send me into fits.

The tapping at the window was becoming increasingly louder and Loki’s hand which was still holding onto my waist flexed and his breathing shifted the smallest bit. In a snap decision I closed my eyes and evened out my breathing.

For a few moments there was no real movement or change. A soft exhale that I could feel drift over my hair and cause a few strands to drift and settle on my cheek. A slight shift in his position. The pressure on the bed had changed and I slid slightly. My eyes opened and I realized that the slight shifts and changes had been Loki pushing himself up. He hadn’t moved away, but it seemed he had been trying to get a view of my face.

There was a long moment of silence as we watched each other. I tried to discern the emotions that he was hiding, but with no success. A wave of movement and Loki was prowling towards the door annoyance written plainly on his face. The rapid tapping died as soon as he reached the doors.

His lip curled slightly as he reached out to pull open the doors. A rush of wings and a dark shape circled around the room.

“Seems you have a visitor.” Loki said as the bird alighted on the chair. The bird turned to look at me and after a second clacked its beak impatiently.  I smiled and rolled myself out of bed the marble a cold shock to my feet.

“Huginn,” I greeted already holding out my arm. It took him less than two seconds to flit across the room and alight on my arm. Today was an important day. “I would think so. I have to speak to Odin today,” I said already dreading the encounter. “Not to mention Jane being here.” Huginn fluttered his wings the smallest bit seeming off-kilter. Frigga wanted to see me today as well. “Really? I didn’t think we had a lesson planned for today…”

“The mere fact,” Loki’s voice came from the other side of the room, “that you keep company with these birds is concerning.”

“And you keep company with the person who has birds as friends.”

“That is not my choice,” Loki shot back.

“I prefer the birds,” I replied a smug grin already in place when I turned to look at him. I was greeted with an expanse of skin. The smallest intake of breath was all I could manage for a second. Heat rose to my cheeks and I quickly turned away. Loki had been shirtless and his pants had been riding dangerously low on his hips. The glare that had been directed my way melted into interest when he took in my reaction.

Loki is playful with you. There was a slight shift of Huginn’s feet. Huginn believes he is fond of you. I jerked my gaze to Huginn like I had been burned. Loki was stuck with me, but that didn’t mean that he wanted to be, I thought rather forcefully.

Huginn simply pushed off of my shoulder and went to land on Loki’s still bare shoulder. A raised eyebrow at the bird shifted into a carefully blank expression. I decided to ignore the both of them and put on my training outfit.

I ducked behind the changing screen and quickly tugged my underdress off. Frigga, knowing how much I missed Earth, had a certain style of clothing made for me so that I could train feeling at ease. The clothes were basically loose-fitting black pants, and an equally flowing black shirt to go with it. The thread that adorned the shirt was curiously forest green and reminded me of a certain someone. The shoes were flats that she had taught me to enchant to always fit to and comfort my feet. They were the best pair of shoes I had ever owned.

“Am I still to accompany you?”

I stepped out from the changing screen and felt slightly startled to see both Loki and Huginn watching me closely. Loki’s expression was still strangely blank. Even his body language radiated nothingness. “Of course,” I answered walking to the place that Runa and Bera usually did my makeup and hair. I began to attempt to tie my hair back into a ponytail, but I was still used to hairbands and sections of hair continued to slip out of my knots.

“Having trouble?” Loki’s hands were suddenly plucking the ribbon from my hands. He was instantly running his fingers through my hair easily pulling it back and tying it.

“Thank you,” the words felt strange to say to Loki, but he deserved it. I wouldn’t have been able to pull my hair up that quickly or that well. He simply inclined his head, ushered Huginn onto his fingers and placed him back on my shoulder. He was across the room and pulling on his shirt in an instant.

“If we want to get any information out of Odin, we shouldn’t linger here long. He will be expecting you fairly soon.” The façade of Jaco flowed over Loki effortlessly and once again he was the unreadable hard to remember person. “After you, my lady.”

The castle was strangely familiar to me now. It didn’t feel like home by any means, but it also didn’t feel like a new place. It did not take me long to reach the throne room where a kind-looking guard led us through a maze of hallways that I hadn’t traveled before. The guard bantered with Loki on the way and Loki, I found, could joke right back.

It was almost too soon before the guard ushered them into a large ceilinged room and shut the door behind them. I was instantly mesmerized by the rather large tree that glowed and hung overhead. The tree seemed to be alive and growing but in its branches, like swirling glowing fruit, were what seemed to be galaxies. Streams of light half-heartedly caged the tree in, and I found myself being drawn to the massive thing.

“Yggdrasil,” I nearly jumped out of my skin when Loki spoke. I had somehow forgotten that he was even in the room. I turned away from the massive tree to see that Loki had shed his disguise. His eyes met mine in the dim light and a little jolt shot through my system. It was suddenly more difficult to breathe.

Loki cared about me. I glanced to Huginn on my shoulder briefly, and watched Loki do the same out of the corner of my eye.

“Look for your Master.” Loki told him. I was to tell Loki that he would only look for Odin should he do as they had discussed previously. I glared at Huginn for a moment before sighing lightly. It was no use to fight him at this point. My strange friend.

“Huginn said he will but only if you do what the two of you discussed previously.” I relayed. Loki watched the bird on my shoulder eyes narrowed slightly.

“You cannot expect me-“

Huginn squaked cutting off whatever Loki had been trying to say. I was to tell Loki that the situation has drug on long enough. “He said the situation, whatever that means, had drug on long enough.” Loki was to be brave. I paused and glanced at Huginn confused. He simply bobbed his head at me. “He said to be brave.”

“Bravery?” Loki laughed and the sound felt mocking and harsh. “This is stupidity. Weakness.” He added glaring at the bird.

It is strength. I glared at Huginn and then at Loki. “I am not some telephone service! If you want to talk, do it without me. I’m tired of being confused….well more confused than I normally am.” For their part, they did not attempt to argue with me. Loki simply held out his hand and Huginn pushed away from me. I turned from their silent conversation and went back towards Yggdrasil.

Sadness was strange. It was like a grey mist that settles over everything, leaving the skin cold and wanting for warmth. The more I stared at the great tree the more I felt how far I truly was from my home. I loved Asgard. I could say that now. Something about this grand place had started to feel like home….a few people made it worth it. Well, a few people and a couple of birds.

I had been away from home before. I remembered the horrible homesickness that made the beginning of my freshmen year in college almost unbearable, but I made friends and my college town began to feel more and more like my home. The same thing was happening here, but this time there was no summer break to see my other home. I had a feeling that this was it. This was all my life was going to be. The strange thing was, I wasn’t overly sad about it. The more I thought of Asgard the more I thought of my friends here.

“Lillith.” I blinked myself out of my train of thought and realized that Huginn had left, and that we were alone. Loki walked towards me and then tilted his gaze up towards the beautiful display overhead. “I was born there.” He said pointing to one of the galaxies. “Jotunheim.” He had moved slightly closer until my shoulder was now brushing against his chest.

“What is it like?”

Loki glanced to me and then gestured at the room. It fell away into a frozen wasteland. Snow fell in fat flakes that began to cling to their hair. A large beast roamed in the background easily moving across the icy terrain.

“I would die.” I said resolutely. There was a raised eyebrow from Loki which prompted me to continue. “I get cold really easy. Actually I’m sort of cold all the time.”

Loki reached over slightly and pressed his hand against my arm, and I almost laughed when he was warmer than I was. It wasn’t by much, but it was just enough. “Actually,” I said glancing up to Loki’s face, “I’ve been even colder lately. Since I came here. I’m not sure if Asgard is colder than Earth or if-”

“Huginn made me promise something,” Loki cut me off, lightly turning me to face him.  The illusion that he had created crumbled around us, revealing Yggdrasil once more. “I’ve known Huginn all my life, so I know if I do not follow through I will be pestered until I do so. He does not tire.” I was struck with how handsome Loki was in that moment. The light from above shifted and painted his features in sharp contrast, each sharp angle of his face brushed in reds, greens, and blues. His hair which was normally a void, caught the light and shined it back as if his hair was made from oil.  He was so much taller than I was….I sometimes forgot how much he could tower over me. “You’re cold?” He asked seeming to register my words from before.

“Yes,” I nodded. Loki quickly shrugged his jacket off and pushed it into my hands. I narrowed my eyes as I took it. “If I didn’t know any better I would accuse you of actually worrying about me.” I said glancing at the jacket in my hands. It was long, and trailed down to rest on the floor when I held it chest height. If I put it on, it would brush the ground as I walked. “But, as you made obviously clear, you don’t. So why keep up the façade when it’s just the two of us?” I held his jacket back towards him. “I’m tired of the games and niceties. We are forced together, that’s the entirety of our relationship. Whatever game you’re playing…..I’m not.” 

“You’re right,” Loki said turning and ignoring the jacket held towards him. Loki took two long strides away from me, his movements’ fluid. “The game must end eventually. They all do.” The way he stood it almost seemed like he was bracing himself. I pulled the jacket back in towards me feeling stupid for holding it out so long. I shrugged it on deciding to take advantage of the forced kindness before he took it back. The leather had, surprisingly, held in his heat. “You are right in the fact that I have been keeping up a façade, and you are correct….it **is** time to end this.”

Loki turned on heel his hair whipping about his face as he did so. The effect of his little spin caused me to take a small step back. For a moment different battle techniques flashed through my head and my body automatically shifted into a ready position, like Frigga had taught me. Loki simply glared at me until I relaxed my body again.

“There is no other way to put this, and I do not have the patience to declare this in a gentle way. In the time that I have found myself forced to be at your side the more I have come to realize of myself that I care for you deeply.” Loki could not keep eye-contact as he spoke. He choose to instead begin pacing his movements reminiscent of a caged tiger.

It took me a moment to realize Loki’s rather angry confession. He sounded as if the words were stinging his tongue. “Loki-“

“I am not finished yet.” Loki said forcefully. “I have, my entire life, prided myself on distance. I had convinced myself that I cared for no one. That I was betrayed by all who claimed to love me. Then there was you….and I am convinced no longer.” He began to walk towards me. One agonizing step at a time. “I could almost convince myself that it is the damned bracer that makes me feel this way.” His voice was low and washed over my skin holding feelings that until this point he had been hiding.

That was a thought. Did Odin charm the bracer so that I would fall in love with the other wearer? It would make more sense than me falling in love with the man who inadvertently caused my father’s murder, and who personally tried to commit mine. The real question I had to ask myself was did it matter at this point? Did I care?

Loki, who had been step by step walking towards me, finally stopped a few inches away looking down at me. “Never before had a façade been so exhausting.” He said his eyes locking onto mine. The world outside of Loki began to blur, and then disappear completely as I stared into his eyes. Every molecule of my body screamed for me to be closer to him. On the edge of my vision I saw Loki’s arm move, and then he was lightly cupping my face with one hand. The gentleness with which he touched me was something I was sure I had never felt before. Loki’s face was unguarded and I could see a tenderness there that made my heart ache. I wanted, for a moment, to turn away from such an expression.

What would this mean for us? What would this mean for my existence here? All of my worries melted away when he lightly brought his lips to my own.

Loki had kissed me before. Every time had been rough and desperate, like a dying man holding onto a life-raft. This was different. Warm and soft it caused a riot of butterflies to burst in my stomach. My breath was stolen with the barest brush. He pulled back slightly, just enough that his face came into focus. It was as if he had poured sunlight directly into my bloodstream and I felt my mood lift with the high of it.

I stood on my tiptoes and leaned up to him, brushing my own light kiss to his lips. His soft sigh followed me when I leaned back. Everything was suspended and I could feel happiness welling up from the core of my being. I knew it was dangerous to let myself be happy because of him, but I could stop this as much as I could stop the flowing of a river. I had never seen such a soft look upon Loki’s face.

“Lillith, Loki,” the voice was soft as if she were afraid to startle us. Both Loki and I jerked, his face instantly becoming hard and unreadable as it normally was. The loss of it made me ache. I turned to see Frigga, in a beautiful deep blue dress bathed in the light of Yggdrasil. “I am sorry to disturb you,” she said a small satisfied smile flickering over her face when she glanced to Loki, “but my husband will be here soon and we have things to discuss.”

“You’ve disturbed nothing,” I said brushing her concern aside.

“Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” Frigga walked to us, and lightly placed one of her hands on my shoulder and the other on Loki’s. He watched his mother with a veiled expression, but she was beaming at us and I smiled back automatically. She was insanely beautiful. I forgot sometimes, but her expression brought it out like sunshine on a cloudy day. “I’m happy for you.” She spoke softly.

“Lillith!” Odin boomed sweeping into the room. He seemed to be thrown off kilter when he saw the strange scene before him. Frigga lightly squeezed my shoulder and half guided me towards her husband. I stepped away from Frigga and Loki looking at Odin.

“I am here, as requested.” I said warily.

Odin nodded. “So you are,” Odin glanced behind me, “and I thank you for your presence.” He nearly sighed. I could almost imagine the glare Frigga must have given him.

“My pleasure, your Highness.” I said with the smallest measure of respect.

“What do you know of Yggdrasil, child?” Odin asked.  


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

When I was a child I used to sit in my father’s lap as he told me stories about fantastic and faraway lands. As Odin explained Yggdrasil the entire scene almost created a sense that I had been here multiple times before. Where Odin’s face was deeply lined my father’s face had been smooth but made scratchy from slight scruff.

“Long before the birth of light, there was darkness... and from that darkness came the Dark Elves.” Odin gave me a significant look and the dark name flowed out of my mouth again.

“Malekith.”

 “Millennia ago, the most ruthless of their kind, _Malekith_ ,” he said nodding slightly at my mention, “sought to transform our universe back into one of eternal night. Such evil was possible through the power of the Aether, an ancient force of infinite destruction.”

 “The noble armies of Asgard, led by my father King Bor, waged a mighty war against these creatures. As the Nine Worlds converged above him, Malekith could at last unleash the Aether... but Asgard ripped the weapon from his grasp; without it, the Dark Elves fell. With the battle all but lost, Malekith sacrificed his own people in a desperate attempt to lay waste to Asgard's army. Malekith was vanquished and the Aether was no more. Or so we were led to believe.” Odin said locking eyes with me.

“So Malekith will come for Jane.” I said putting two and two together. “Because she has the Aether, which she found in some long forgotten place where your father had hidden it. And she found this place….how?”

“The Convergence.” Frigga said from behind me. “The closer the nine realms come together, the more cracks one can slip through.”

“Right.” I said with a small nod even though I felt I would never understand what was really going on. “Next question, why are you telling me this at all?”

“I need you to monitor Jane.” Odin took a few steps forwards coming extremely close to me. “You seem to have some connection to it. She is now containing one of the most powerful forces my family has seen.”

“And she’s dying from it.” I breathed.

“Monitor her until we can figure out a solution to this situation.” Odin sounded more like he was commanding me than asking, but I nodded anyway. He seemed satisfied with my answer.

An hour later and I was being swept into a room by a pair of guards who were told to escort me to Jane. Loki had been detained by his mother and Odin, who assured me that he would be back to guarding me in no time.

“Lady Lillith!” Jane was up and across the room in an instant the book that had been in her hands laying forgotten in her chair. “It’s good to see you!”

I had the sinking feeling that she had been alone in this room for far too long. “Nice to see you too. You can call me Lilly if you want,” I offered, “I know the whole Lady thing is strange.”

“Lilly,” Jane had already stopped about a foot away from me, “can I ask you something?” A nod from me and a dazzling smile from her. “How did you get here?”

“I’m guessing you want the full story.” It was strange to hear the way she talked. Those who spent a lot of time around me had begun to use a strange mixture of formal and lax language that had become unique to those who were forced into contact with me. I even used it. But to hear just a normal person talking….it was incredible….and strange.

Jane ushered me into a chair opposite of hers and sat at rapt attention while I began my little tale. She looked horrified in all the right parts and when I explained the death of my father she reached out to try and comfort me. I let her.

“Do you know what happened to Loki?” Jane’s question caught me off-guard. I hadn’t told her who Jaco really was. I thought to leave that little bit of information out.

“No,” I lied, “the last I saw of him he was rotting in that cell underneath the castle.”

The guards, who had been standing outside of the door to the small library sitting room, pushed open the door to reveal Jaco with Huginn sitting on his shoulder. As soon as Huginn saw me he swept across the room to land on my shoulder. Jane was startled by his presence.

“She’s not startled so much as not used to strange birds having the freedom to come and go as they please.” I told him holding back laughter. Huginn did not understand, did birds not have freedom in Midgard? “Of course they do. It’s more of the fact that people treat you like a person, rather than a bird.”

“Lilly? Are you…..talking to the bird?”

“Asgard has many strange and wondrous things. Huginn here is one of them. He and his brother can talk….one a bit more obscurely than the other.” I said with a pointed look at Huginn. “Instead of actually talking he tends to plant his thoughts or opinions into your head.”

“So…you can talk to birds.” Jane said an amused smile beginning to tug at the edges of her mouth. I tried my best to ignore Loki, feeling strange after his confession.

“Just call me a Disney Princess.” I said running my fingers over the top of Huginn’s head. He wouldn’t admit it, but he liked it when I did this type of thing. The fact that my head was devoid of little smart-ass comments made it more apparent.

“So,” Jane said her eyes flickering to Jaco before landing back on me. I raised an eyebrow prompting her to continue. Another flicker of her eyes and I sighed.

“I know it’s a bit unnerving having someone constantly watching you.” I kept myself from glancing at Loki, I knew that despite him having his illusionary magic wrapped around him I would still be able to know his expression…..and I wasn’t sure I was ready to see anything. “But, Jaco is a good guard. He’s kept me safe, and he’s not one to reveal any secrets.” Especially his own. Not that I would say that out loud.

“How can you stand it?” She asked leaning forwards a bit. She frowned the smallest bit and quickly added a “no offense” to Jaco.

“At first,” I said remembering the first few days after I realized who Loki was, “I felt so utterly crowded that I could hardly think.” On the edge of my vision I saw Jaco turn slightly towards me interest in his body language. “There were always eyes on me. Back home….back on earth….I was ordinary. I was just a girl going to college to get a job that would keep me relatively happy until I died. No one noticed me, no one thought of me as anything other than just another face in the crowd. After the attack on New York, I was suddenly thrust into the spotlight.”

I could almost see the looks that the people of the palace gave me. I had learned to ignore it, but in the beginning it was all I could see. “I told Thor it was like being alone in a crowd, and it was….but not in the way it seems to imply. I was never really alone, but I was always isolated. I was always apart…..Alien.”

“You said that you’re a halfbreed,” Jane said leaning forwards, “the first of your kind.”

“Halfbreed is a hateful word used against the Lady.” Jaco was staring directly at me, and I instantly felt myself glare at him as if my reflex to Loki speaking was to try and challenge him back. “I would prefer that you not use it.”

“Oh!” Jane said her eyes latching onto me. “I’m sorry….I didn’t realize.”

“I am speaking to the Lady as well.” He added steel in his voice.

“Who are you to tell me what words to use?” I asked meaning to sound angry but instead sounded almost lost. Of course the word _halfbreed_ felt hateful. I could still remember the look on Odin’s face as he condemned me with the word. But, he was right. I was a halfbreed, no one knew what I could do….not even me.

“No, he’s right.” Jane spoke up a sort of pity in her eyes. “If the term is used to hurt you then it shouldn’t be used. Do you know of any effects that have manifested? Have they tested you?”

“They’ve monitored me, but no blood tests or anything….that I know about.” I added feeling a sort of sick certainty that Odin had somehow tested my blood. “I have an increased healing rate, which they think is only speeding up. I have access to magic. Increased strength.”

“That’s amazing.” She said eyes alight. Jane was so beautiful. It was easy to see at any point, but it was the most apparent to me when she was like this. Fascinated, her mind probably spinning with numbers and calculations that would probably lose me within a half second.

“How about I take you on a tour of the palace grounds?”

“My Lady, I do not think that is wise.” Jaco instantly spoke.

“We’ll get Thor to come with us,” at the mention of Thor Jane visibly perked up, “that way we have plenty of protection.”

Huginn would go and find him. There was a sudden rush of air and the brush of wings as Huginn took off wheeling out of the window.

“Why did your bird leave?”

“He’s not my bird,” I said instantly.

“If ever that bird belonged to a person, that person would be you. He would follow you into hell.” Jaco said flatly.

“Huginn went to go find Thor for us.” I told Jane ignoring Loki’s side comments. “He can see the future, so he’s usually good at finding at bringing people.”

“The furture? That is the craziest thing-”

I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “Out of all the things that are happening right now,” I gasped between fits of laughter, “the fact that a bird can see the future is the craziest?” Jane, strange enough, started to laugh with me.

“You’re right.” She giggled.

When she glanced up, her face pink with laughter I realized that somehow we had become some sort of friends. Maybe it was because we were the only other Midgardians on this planet. Maybe we would have just gotten along no matter the situation. But in that moment I realized that I counted Jane as my friend, and the look in her eyes told me the same went for her.

“Jane!” Thor’s voice boomed from behind me. The look of sheer love in her eyes made me realize a horrible fact.

The Aether was killing Jane, and I was going to try and stop it…no matter the cost. How could I not, when she looked at him like that? She had so much to live for. She reminded me of what I could have been….if this whole ordeal hadn’t changed me. So I had to.

I had to save Jane Foster.

 


	25. Chapter Twenty Five

“Tell me something,” Loki’s voice startled me out of the slightly dreamy haze I had been sitting in for the last few hours, “how can you stand to watch them?”

Thor and Jane were standing on one of the many balconies that overlooked Asgard. Thor watched Jane with soft eyes as he explained something or another to her. She took turns shifting between love-stuck and excited.

“It doesn’t bother me.” I said not bothering to even turn to Loki. He wouldn’t look like himself anyway. The mere fact that he dropped the voice of Jaco was rather comforting to me. “They look so happy together. I’ve never seen him so happy.” It was true. Thor, since she had met him, carried some sort of deep sadness on his shoulders. I could tell that he wasn’t what he was supposed to be when he was here.

“It’s doomed to fail.”

Loki wasn’t wrong. Jane was human and her life was measured in decades not thousands of years. Thor would be crushed when she died. Before coming to Asgard I wouldn’t have considered her lifespan to be tragic. We’ve always known as humans that our time in the world was limited. Short. We could forget that sometimes. But it was more apparent here where lives spanned much further than I could fathom. A single day was sometimes too much for me.

“It’s doomed to end,” I said a strange feeling of peace stealing over me, “but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it.”

“The pain he will endure will be unbearable.” There was a strange edge to Loki’s voice. It was then I realized that he might not be really talking about Jane and Thor.

“Yeah,” I confirmed, “it will. The pain will tear him apart over and over until he’s numb to the feeling. But look at him.”

In that moment Thor had reached out to Jane, his fingers lightly trailing over her cheek. Jane slightly leaned into his touch, the love and attraction between them so present I was sure that if I reached out I could touch it. The joy they got from each other looked like it was more joy than I had ever felt in my life.

“You could always ask him.” I suggested already knowing Loki’s response.

“He is blinded by his feelings. He does not understand what’s going to happen to him. You’re never supposed to give yourself to someone completely, it only gives others the power to destroy you. If I wanted to destroy him….all I had to do is target her.”

“What’s the point, then?” I turned and was surprised to see that Loki had drifted from his usual spot of being around four feet away to a few inches. He seemed as surprised as I was. For the barest moment his illusion faltered. There was a flash of green and black. “Why do anything if you’re using that mentality? Pain is inevitable no matter what you do. Why not choose love…even if it’s only for a while?”

The world shrank. Jane and Thor faded from my awareness, as did Huginn who had been wheeling overhead enjoying the nice weather. My entire world narrowed down to a single point, a single person.

“Why be overwhelmed by a feeling? Why let it rule your life?”

I laughed, and his illusion flickered the smallest bit again. “Love isn’t just a feeling. It’s a choice.” That was something I had learned time and time again back on Earth. Love is very much a choice.”

“You hold such sentiment.” His voice was strangely soft. Loki hated sentiment….or at least he used to. “Love is for children.” It sounded….unsure. Almost as if he were echoing something rather than really saying it.

“I don’t think so.” The butterflies that he had awakened earlier when he confessed that he cared about me suddenly came rushing back. Until this moment I had really pushed the information away from myself, not ready to deal with it with everything else that had been happening.

“Lillith, we must not dance around this subject any longer.” He said steel flashing in his eyes. “No more interruptions. I care for you-”

“You said you thought it was the bracer that made you feel this way.” I said my eyes flashing to the bracer sitting on his arm. “What am I supposed to do? Fall to my knees and exclaim my love for you? Why would I when it might not be how you really feel?”

“It is not easy for me-“

“It’s not easy for anyone!” My voice rose without my meaning to. There was the smallest flash of magic from Loki, and for a brief moment I wondered if he had silenced me. “You may say you hated me for who and what I was, but I hated you too.” My words rang out easily. Not silenced then. “You took everything away from me! You were awful to me! And now, because you’ve slightly confessed that you might actually care about me the smallest bit you expect me to do the same!”

“You said you forgave me.” There was no anger, strange enough, just a statement.

“I did. I do. But just because I forgive you for your actions…it doesn’t mean that they were okay.”

“You’re right,” just like that Loki’s disguise melted away. I was instantly panicked for him. It overrode my anger.

“Loki!” I hissed popping my hand against his chest without real thought. “Your magic.”

“Yes, I know. To anyone looking at us we are having a pleasant conversation about the gardens of Asgard. Guard and guarded, as always.” Loki looked amused.

“Oh, that’s what you were doing…” I said realizing that I had expected Loki to silence me but instead he simply cast another illusion so that I could speak my mind in peace.

“Lillith, what would you have of me?” Loki asked his eyes drilling into my own.

“I don’t understand.”

“To prove myself to you. I have been indecisive when it has come to you, I know this.” A small sad smile shifted across his features. “I am choosing now.”

“Why?” I asked taking a small step back from him. “Why would you do this now?”

“I have been shown the error of my ways.” Loki said with a small sigh. “I suppose it would feel very sudden for you.” He said with a sigh beginning to walk very slowly around me. His movements were slow but very calculated his eyes never leaving me.

“Loki,” I sighed already done with the conversation.

“Please,” the word coming out of Loki’s mouth made me freeze. He had moved behind me, and instead of spinning to follow him I held my ground more listening to his footsteps than seeing what was in front of me. “Give me a task. Let me prove myself to you. I’ll do anything.”

“Loki I don’t-“

“You of all people know that I am a selfish being.” He said cutting me off.

“Could you please just-“

“I am selfish and you have invaded me. Somehow gotten your way under my skin. Infected me so that my happiness is reliant on yours. You have been so tortured. Allow me to save you. Allow me to save myself.”

“Loki would you stop!” I hissed as he came back into view. He instantly ceased movement eyes locked onto my own. “You don’t care about me in the way that I need.”

“What do you mean?”

“Lust isn’t love, Loki!” The words fell like a flood from me. “You might actually care about me in that aspect. You might want me, but that isn’t enough for me. You can’t even bring yourself to say the word love!”

“That’s what you want?” Loki asked suddenly moving to me. His hands gripping my shoulders. “You want a confession of love?”

“No, that’s not-“

“I do love you.” He sighed leaning down. I was ready to fend off a kiss but he simply leaned his forehead against my own. “I understand that’s not what you want. I understand why you would think it was merely lust to drive me.” Eyes closed, face serene, Loki breathed slowly almost seeming to just take in the moment. “Love is a concept for children. I always thought it was the ultimate form of weakness. I have seen so many people fall from it. But I have also seen some people rise further than they could ever have been before because of it. With you…I can be more. I _am_ more. I do not feel like the unwanted adopted child denied the throne when I am with you.”

His hand lifted only to tangle in my hair. He didn’t move other than that. It felt like he was hanging onto me for dear life. Like he would fall apart without me. Tears began to prick my eyes at the strange sense of intimacy. “With you I have known peace. I will do anything.”

“You’ll do anything?”

“Yes,” he breathed.

“Help me save Jane,” my voice was soft but resolute. “We have to save her, Loki. The Aether is killing her…and by killing her it’s killing your brother.”

Loki leaned back his gaze meeting my own. I wasn’t sure what he saw there, but I watched all form of protest fall away from him. “Lillith…the only way to save her is for the Aether to change hosts. As far as we know it’s protecting itself against such a transfer. If it attempts to save itself using Jane, it will kill her.”

“It calls to me.” I admitted to Loki, glancing towards Jane and Thor. It was a beautiful sight still. “I feel…..I feel like I could just….call back. Maybe it will move.”

“And have you become the target of Malekith?” The _no_ was clear in his voice.

“You said anything,” I reminded him.

“I will do anything for you, but I cannot do this to you. You don’t know your strengths or weaknesses. We don’t even know your lifespan. You could have half the lifespan of a human. This can kill you.” Loki said staring deeply into my eyes as if he were trying to drive the point home. “How could I do this to you? To myself? I will not put you in danger.”

“Loki, you said anything.”

“We’ll save her. But not like that. Not using you in that way.” Loki spoke softly. “I’ll save her.” I could already see the cogs working in his brain. “For you I’ll save her.”

“Lady Lillith!” Thor’s voice boomed. I turned to see Frigga standing with Jane and Thor all of them staring at me. Loki’s hands suddenly moved me to a certain spot turning me in a certain way. His presence disappeared from my back, and I felt the small release of magic.

“Yes?” I asked glancing back toward Loki, only to see he had shifted back into his disguise. I instantly missed his face. I mentally groaned to myself realizing how far I had allowed myself to fall within the few short minutes he had confessed his love to me.

“Please join us,” Frigga said a knowing smile flitting across her face. Of course she knew I was really talking to Loki. She was probably the one who gave him the talking to so that he would confess his love to me.

“Yes, my Queen.” I said instantly moving to her.

“Oh, don’t start calling me that.” Frigga said waving away her title. “You may address me by my name. I believe we have passed formalities at this point. Even in public.” She added with a smile.

“I’m sorry I just thought-“

“Oh, my dear. I consider you to be one of my own.” She reached out tugging me into a small hug. “I thought you knew that.”

I hugged Frigga, holding back tears. When we stepped back she was smiling widely at me.

“Now then, I was thinking we could-“

There was an explosion. I could feel the size of it in my chest. It had to come from some part of the castle, and everyone on the balcony shifted as it happened. A hand was suddenly keeping me steady while pulling me behind them. I reached out to lightly touch Loki’s back, wanting some sort of explanation. Jane was in a similar situation behind Thor looking frightened. Frigga had held her ground looking towards the source of the sound.

I knew exactly what was happening, as did the force within Jane which flared brighter. Malekith was here, and he was looking for Jane.

“Boys, go and find out what’s happening. Jane, Lillith, you’re coming with me.” She ordered already moving away. Thor looked worriedly at Jane, so I pulled myself away from Loki’s grip to grab Jane’s arm.

“I’ve got her, Thor.” I said trying to will him to understand. He watched me for a half second before nodding to me. It was one terse nod that told me that he trusted me to keep Jane safe. That he believed in me.

I began after Frigga pulling Jane along with me, but a hand caught my arm forcing me to a stop. Loki, still disguised as Jaco, was staring at me. “Be safe,” he said emotion leaking into his voice. Jane looked between us a smile beginning to form.

“You too.”

He let me go, with a pained expression. I turned away and hurried after Frigga with Jane, trying to ignore the pain in my chest.


End file.
